Diagnosis ruined my life

[Starfire]

Also, if are being discriminated against when applying for jobs, why not keep your diagnosis to yourself?

Exactly, there is NO legal requirement to disclose a diagnosis I just don’t understand why so many people repeatedly do it then wonder in amazement why they can’t get a job! Then they continue the same
pattern getting the same result year after year without ever trying things differently. To me, it’s a form of self sabotage and makes no sense.

 

[tlc]

I was always afraid anything official in writing would give the courts a reason to declare me an unfit parent and take my daughter away. But in a few months she will be 18 and it won't matter anymore.

But an official diagnosis doesn't really matter that much anyway. I've learned more from this forum and associated content than I think any doctor could have told me.

 

[interim]

For me the alternative is my children growing up not knowing why they are marginalised and spending their lives depressed because they don't fit in and don't know why, like I did.

How exactly putting them a label, makes them understand "why"? If it's not something clearly clinical, I don't think anyone really understands why... I think people have unhealthy desire to "fit in" which is a cultural thing. Someone must justify to them why they feel different, why they are individuals, why they have their own preferences and needs. Frankly, I'm no sure which is really the unhealthy condition... I constantly see people destroying themselves, with this desire to "fit in" - drinking, taking drugs, not studying in school since - this is what all others do, and if I don't do it - there is something wrong with me... Really? There was a saying in the past - if everyone jump from a building - would you? Well, the modern society answer is - yes!

I have never thought about myself as a "disabled" person, on the contrary - in some things, I feel "gifted". However I understand why so many people prefer being treated as disabled, victims, since it takes from them a lot of the fight and conflicts, questions they must endure, and somehow resolve for themselves. I agree, some can't resolve their issues, can't find their own way, so their only choice is to let the society put them in the category/box it decides. It's even harder for a parent to make the right choice for his child. Many parents can't really communicate, trust, accept, understand their children, so getting a label from the "authority", probably makes them understand and treat them better. In any case, I think such diagnosis must be kept very private, since other people will really treat you even more like crap...

 

[china autie]

I had two suicide attempts, mustering up the courage for a third.

In order for the possibility of things getting better to occur, we must stay alive.
The UK Samaritans are a great place to email. A volunteer named Jo [they are all called Jo] will email you back. They are very very very respectful and will not tell you what to do. I write to them once in awhile myself.

www. dot samaritans dot org Samaritans


I was dx'd as a child and my parents were told to forget about me and stick me in an institution. This was during a different time when many of us wound up in such places. Dad fought back and I was not institutionalized.



Yes, prejudice and discrimination are very real. The fact that disabled people [including autistics] are routinely turned down for organ transplants says something about how much/little value that society places on our lives.

Meanwhile, we just do the best we can.

 

[meepmeep]

To anyone who believes their child is on the spectrum

Think very carefully about getting an official diagnosis. If your child has severe problems such as causing harm or unable to communicate in any way, go to the doctor. But anything less, stay away.

Otherwise your child WILL be discriminated against by everyone with authority over them. Doctors, teachers, psychologists and employers. They will be a permanent member of the worlds most discriminated group. I will always hate my parents for the choices they made. They told me I should be proud of my identity. I have been denied jobs and marginalized by school teachers.

I had two suicide attempts, mustering up the courage for a third.

Please don’t kill yourself. Call a hotline, talk to a therapist, take a day off and pamper yourself in whatever way you find most pleasant, but don’t do it.

That said, I was undiagnosed (still am). I still had an absolutely miserable time in school. Being “weird” is hard with or without a diagnosis. I was suicidal when I was in school, just because being “weird” led to so much bullying.

I survived the hard times. So will you. Being a grownup with autism is a LOT easier than being a child with autism, just because you’ve got a lot more power and can design your life how you want it to be. It gets better. My life definitely did.

 

[StopDiagnosingPeople]

I cannot identify with this enough. I barely qualify for the diagnosis, but there it is. There it is. Why? My childhood was fine. My life was imperfect, but everyone's life is imperfect. Then came this unnecessary diangosis. No good came from it.

No, I do not need to disclose it, but it has gotten out to others. That's not even the point. now *I* know. Now I can't accept myself.

Before everything was fine. I was a little quirky, but I was okay. I was actually fine in social situations. I enjoyed giving public presentations. I had zero stage fright. I never felt overstimulated by light or smells or anything. Everything was just fine.

But then they told me I had aspergers. My whole wold cam crashing down. Then they told me it's actually not aspergers but autism. My sense of self went down the tubes even more.

I envy those who lived in an era where they would never have been diagnosed.

I did not want nor need any services. I wanted to be left alone and not given this label I will see on myself forever.

I draw a line in the history of my life where that diagnosis happened. Before that was the happy time. After that was the time of seclusion, self-doubt, self-loathing and feeling like I no longer belonged.

I would give anything to have not been diagnosed.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I cannot identify with this enough. I barely qualify for the diagnosis, but there it is. There it is. Why? My childhood was fine. My life was imperfect, but everyone's life is imperfect. Then came this unnecessary diangosis. No good came from it.

No, I do not need to disclose it, but it has gotten out to others. That's not even the point. now *I* know. Now I can't accept myself.

Before everything was fine. I was a little quirky, but I was okay. I was actually fine in social situations. I enjoyed giving public presentations. I had zero stage fright. I never felt overstimulated by light or smells or anything. Everything was just fine.

But then they told me I had aspergers. My whole wold cam crashing down. Then they told me it's actually not aspergers but autism. My sense of self went down the tubes even more.

I envy those who lived in an era where they would never have been diagnosed.

I did not want nor need any services. I wanted to be left alone and not given this label I will see on myself forever.

I draw a line in the history of my life where that diagnosis happened. Before that was the happy time. After that was the time of seclusion, self-doubt, self-loathing and feeling like I no longer belonged.

I would give anything to have not been diagnosed.

I think it's the stages of grief you're going through .

Like with any death,including the death of preferred ideas about yourself, it's a process we can all get through.

 

[Progster]

I feel a lot more comfortable with the idea of having autism, now that I know what it is. Or at least, I know what it is for me. It's my 'watching TV'. That's what I used to call it before I was diagnosed and started researching it. And its interaction with my undiagnosed ADHD traits is my 'push-pull'.

 

[Jojo_LB]

I wish I was diagnosed. I used to be bitter about it, but I also know that my parents didn't know what autism was. I don't even think they heard of it when I was a kid (they are immigrants, it was the 80's). They didn't know what ADHD was either.

I basically nurtured and took care of myself because no one else could. This was indescribably difficult.

Maybe if my family understood what was going on with me, they would've treated me better. But because they didn't understand that I had some neurodevelopmental issues that caused me to act as I did, they just assumed I was weird and I was bad. They assumed that I just enjoyed being argumentative, dramatic. They assumed I enjoyed picking fights, being obstinate.

And that was so unfair. As a result, I felt so lonely. My family didn't understand me. My peers didn't understand me. I kept masking so that I passed as neurotypical, but every time I did that, a little bit of my sanity and energy was stripped away. The isolation almost destroyed me sometimes.

It's interesting to see how differently people view diagnoses. I do have a funny feeling about that word, "diagnosis." I associate it with pathology, illness, that something is "wrong." I used to feel like something was wrong with me, but now, I do not think this way. I have a lot of awesome qualities. I actually think I am one of the most rational and logical people anyone will ever meet. I also am really smart. I definitely don't process the world the way most others do, but that's not wrong. I am differently abled. We only feel like something's wrong with us because everyone else makes us feel that way.

I hope that those of you who had a hard time with life and are still struggling, that you soon find calm and peace, and take some solace in communities like this. I can honestly say that this community has helped me a lot.