Developing independence

[Jeffrey Long]

Hello. I am the parent of a 10 year old HF boy and I am struggling with getting him to learn some independence.

The thing we really need to work on for the coming months is more self-sufficiency. Right now we still run on a system of I tell him that it is 9:00 and time to brush our teeth and time for bed etc. We really need to transition to him being able to self-manage more. That is a real struggle for us. Using teeth brushing as an example: I feel like I am in a no-win situation in terms of stuff like this. If I just tell him to go brush his teeth by himself then he will do a very, very lackluster job and we will end up with cavities which he has already had once. So my alternative is to stand there over him and watch to make sure he brushes adequately. However, that just continues the cycle of me micro-managing his life which is what we really need to move away from. As he is approaching 10 I would really like to find a way to start getting him to be more self-sufficient with the basic things in life.

Anyone have any ideas or suggestions on this front?

Thanks!

 

[tree]

Using brushing teeth as an example, he needs specific instruction regarding
the technique and length of time to do it. A demonstration, with maybe a
chart posted (drawings showing what to do...the areas to scrub, the
direction to move the brush etc) and possibly a song or verse to recite, one
that takes a length of time to repeat.

 

[Mia]

You might get him to pick his own type of (special) toothpaste and brush. When I was that age any toothpaste I used burned the inside of my mouth. It was the taste that offended me. It took years to find an extremely bland toothpaste that I actually liked the taste of.

As for the routine part, establishing a routine at bedtime now helps me a great deal, reading a few pages of a book, after the pajamas and tooth-brushing helps me to fall asleep.

 

[china autie]

Brushing teeth is sensory uncomfortable for some of us. I had to find the right toothpaste and style of toothbrush.

Specific instructions and posting of pictures, I agree.

My only suggestion is to find things that your son enjoys and develop independence with those activities first.

I do not know your situation. So my examples may not work in your situation.

I liked to go to the library on Saturdays. I was taught how to take the buses there and the walking route. This way I was not dependent on adults to take me. It felt good to be able to do this on my own on Saturdays.

Using public transportation-- taxis, subways, buses, trains-- is a useful skill to have as an adult. Walking is good for health.


I liked ice cream a lot. I was taught how to count change. [The ice crream place was two blocks away]. I could go to the store, buy my own cone, and know that i was getting the right change.

I was taught how to do my own laundry so I had more control over what clothes I could choose to wear. [I had sameclothes and samefoods and still do].

I was taught to take the bus downtown so I could go buy the clothes I liked that were comfortable to me.

By sixth grade, I was taking a four hour bus trip by myself to visit my grandparents on their farm. I would take one bus into Port Authority, buy my ticket, wait in a public spot, find the bus, get on it, and sit behind the driver.

As I developed confidence in my ability to get around on my own, my world got bigger.

I struggled with some aspects of hygiene until well into my teens. Maybe pick something else to develop independence with?

PS. There are four types of saliva. Which kind you get is hereditary. The saliva types also have to do with how many caries a person gets. Ask the dentist which type of saliva your son has.
Type One is associated with the least amount of caries, Type Four the most.

I have Type Two. Knowing this as an autistic child motivated me to brush my teeth.

 

[paloftoon]

You could also have him watch a video on brushing his teeth every time before he brushes his teeth until it seems he is tired of watching it and will brush his teeth right (once per day- and he can watch repeatedly more on his own if he wants). Also, maybe offer him a reward once a month for two years if he doesn't get a cavity. If he still gets cavities, he may have to learn the hard way on his own. Sometimes, there's only so much you can do. Maybe have him floss too since brushing is such a problem.

 

[Tom]

Sounds like a perfectly normal 10 year old kid to me.

 

[Suzanne]

Although I am not a parent, I do know that most "normal"children hate to brush teeth etc. So, the best way around it, is to communicate with him, and asking him to choose a toothbrush himself and his toothpate. Perhaps the taste is off putting.

I am pretty sure, your perseverence in this basic hygenic system, will serve him well, as he gets older.

I hate washing and it took me some years to brush my teeth twice a day; once was a pain.