crying

[tree]

Talk about crying, the behavior.
Under what circumstances do you find yourself crying?
Or if crying is not your behavior, tell about that.

Times in the past (as a child, adolescent, whatever)
and present.

What prompts your tears?
What is that experience like for you?
How uncomfortable, if at all, is this topic for you?

Do you find that your thoughts naturally divide
the topic into the behavior of 'crying' and the topic of
'having feelings'?
Or what?

 

[tree]

Here is one example of a time when I was crying.
When I was 16 I discovered that I could get to sleep
at night if I cried for a minimum of half an hour.

When I think back on it, I can list events of that time.
Three of my grandparents died, one after the other,
in a matter of months; then my mother went into the
hospital for cancer.

I didn't know until later that crying oneself to sleep
was in any way unusual until much later. People talk
about letting babies cry themselves to sleep, as if it
is a desirable method. It might be less acclaimed if
more people found themselves in that position/
remembered that circumstance personally.

 

[Mia]

When I was a child I cried constantly, almost all photographs from my childhood depict me crying. Being misunderstood was followed by crying and it was often a reflective action.

By myself I rarely cried unless I encountered a dead or hurt animal, a bird with a broken wing could send me into a nightmare of dreams that lasted for years, it was as if I could feel their pain. I saw a young fawn hit by a car many years ago, and I dreamed I was the fawn being hit by the car over and over for many years. I would wake up crying each time at the loss and the sadness that something so beautiful was gone.

The crying was a function of not being respected, understood, or treated as an individual by family, friends, bosses, teachers. Although I rarely ever cried outside of the family environment. Several people have told me over the years that they felt I used the 'crying' as a manipulation but in fact it was a reaction to intense feelings. Being misunderstood usually prompted it, being unable to explain in a way that they understood.

Being able to cry is a release, it feels intense and then the feelings tend to dissipate. The 'crying' topic does not make me uncomfortable, it is not an embarrassment nor a difficulty. It's a natural progressive build up of emotions that transpires and the crying ramps down the emotions connected to it.

 

[Mia]

When I think back on it, I can list events of that time.
Three of my grandparents died, one after the other,
in a matter of months; then my mother went into the
hospital for cancer.

That must have been really awful and hard Tree, I would have cried myself to sleep as well.

 

[Beverly]

I learned young, perhaps five or six, not to cry for any reason except when my father whipped me with his belt. Crying for any other reason earned a "I'll give you a reason to cry - stop being a baby!" and being whipped by our father.

I remember in first grade, a bully ran me down with his bike on the trail that led home from school. I never cried, never even told my parents, just went home and tended my own cuts and scrapes with hot water and iodine. I misses a bit of gravel in my knee and, to this day, there is gray spot about half the size of a pencil eraser to remind me of that day on that knee.

Logically I know that it's okay to cry but, not crying is so ingrained in my psyche that I can't cry.

 

[tree]

That must have been really awful and hard Tree, I would have cried myself to sleep as well.

It affected my parents, but in no way
that they demonstrated really. Except
my mother was angry that her father
had died.

Nobody talked about anything.
I never knew what I was supposed to
do.

My friend-girls from school found me
very amusing. I could say things that
made them laugh. Humor.

 

[hiraeth]

I was forced to suppress my instinct to cry by my mom as well. Crying made her furious. So when I am upset now I usually just become very exhausted. I used to have a habit of self-harming as a substitute for the emotional release that comes from crying, but I'm not too into that now.

The funny thing is that crying about someone else's upsetting life story is so easy. A few too many times I was reading biographies or listening to podcasts on the bus and started crying during the most intense parts. I just can't seem to do it when the catalyst is myself.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I learned early on that if I can get somebody laughing, the better chance I had of getting out of trouble. And like Beverly, I got that "quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about" speech. I'd stop crying alright, I'd be too mad to be hurt anymore. It's still stuck with me, my two primary emotions/reactions is laughter or anger. The only times I cry anymore are if it's "safe", like when I'm by myself listening to music or watching a movie, or if I'm REALLY stressed out or deep into grieving the death of a person or pet. Most of my sadness/upset emotions have been blocked out too and replaced with being practical, one reason why I'm decent in a "crisis situation".

 

[tree]

hiraeth said: I just can't seem to do it when the catalyst is myself.

Do you want to?
Seems like you could write about some of your experiences
and see if reading about what happened with that person
might create enough distance that you could feel...whatever
it takes to let tears out.

 

[Flinty]

Well, crying is a part of my meltdowns. And, honestly, virtually nothing else. It's a matter of "do I detect danger?"

Occasionally there is mild weeping. This happens when my hormones try to make me feel emotions. But I know better than to do that.

 

[tree]

RE: Feeling
I was thinking what if people could choose?
Either :
A. you can feel Happy, but it will "balance out" with an equal amount of Sad
because what can make you happy will also have the power to make you sad, or
B. Feel neither of those. Just go along evenly.

Wondering what would be the choice.
It seemed to me that B. was not a negative choice.

 

[Flinty]

That's a false dichotomy. All B is, is A with both "happy" and "sad" set to zero.

 

[qwerty]

I wish i could cry, ii have seen friends cry for ages
and they seem somehow less burdened afterwards.
I haven't been able to cry since i was a kid. just
internalised pains and sorrows, not very healthy.
but I find myself sometimes in a melancholy mood
which may last a few days and it seems to be kinda
cathartic like crying maybe or grieving?

I had a friend years ago now who used to call me the
blacksmith, because he saw me as big n strong, solitary
and would barley blink an eye if i received a serious
injury and quietly thoughtful, never weeping, just
doing what needed to be done.
These were qualities he associated with blacksmiths
he was big on folklore and fairytales.

When I see someone cry I think to myself they must be upset
and in pain, and i feel sad with them.
but also am grateful that they have that release valve.

 

[tree]

That's a false dichotomy. All B is, is A with both "happy" and "sad" set to zero.

That is an interesting idea,
but not what I am doing.

What I was thinking is that anything
that I feel happy about, can also prompt
me to feel sad. I am not saying that the
happy and sad even each other out.
I am thinking about the direction of
being happy and the other direction
of being sad.

The pain of being stretched by the
experience of feeling.

 

[qwerty]

That's a false dichotomy. All B is, is A with both "happy" and "sad" set to zero.

Which creates a distinct separation of effect between A: and B:

it's a tricky one, I think i would choose A as I enjoy the sensation of happiness and if there is an equal measure of happy and sad then i would know sadness would pass.
I think sadness is as important as happiness, so yep I choo choo choose A

 

[tree]

Another time for crying is at church.
One evangelist at our church made a statement that has stayed with me:
"Don't you love to cry?"
Meaning cry to the Lord.

I have cried at church.

 

[watersprite]

I do not cry often.
When I was little, I rarely cried for the same reason as Beverly and AsheSkyler. Crying was a dangerous thing to be strictly controlled.
In a crisis, or a horrible news situation, I will feel bad, and want to be able to let it out, but process it by taking action instead. I cry when my logical side is mad at my emotional side for winning the match. It's almost like my emotional side is celebrating finally escaping in tears. It comes out in paint most of the time.
And, I cry from extreme happiness sometimes.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I cry when my logical side is mad at my emotional side for winning the match. It's almost like my emotional side is celebrating finally escaping in tears. It comes out in paint most of the time.

Don't ya hate it when your innards get into a competition with each other? It might put me full on the other side of crazy to admit this, but sometimes I have to have a sit down with mine and we have a discussion about playing nicely with ourselves so as not to make me full-time crazy.

 

[Progster]

When I was a child I had a lot of meltdowns. I cried whenever I thought I was being treated unfairly, and I cried when I was being wound up and teased, which made them do it even more. I cried when there was a thunderstorm because I was afraid of the flashes and loud noise. I cried, and melted down whenever things didn't go my way and I was frustrated, or things and people didn't do what they were supposed to do or promised to do. I screamed in fury because a piece of Battenburg cake fell apart in my hands when I was trying to eat it, when my sister called me a baby when I wasn't a baby - I was 7 years old, I screamed in terror when my sister told me that the world was going to end because the sky was crimson red, at my father when he tried to make me do something I didn't want to do, when dinner was late or someone was in the bathroom when I was my time for the bathroom, because I didn't like sardines, at celebrations because I was exhausted and couldn't take any more, because I was being ignored/left out/not treated like adult or treated differently to other people. Lots of things could make me cry or melt down. I'm more mature and control of my emotions now that I'm an older adult, but I still have meltdowns over frustration, unfairness and misunderstandings sometimes.

 

[Grayman]

I cry under pressure it just seems to happen . It's an outburst of emotion and I don't cry around people but in my own comfort and with my own thoughts .I think it was not seen as weakness by my parents but by myself I did not want others to think I was weak and could not cope. I could also shed a tear at a tremendously sad story but that's a different thing all together.