Continuous Struggle

[Markness]

Notice what you're telling yourself.

*it's hard*
But is it impossible??

*constantly socially excluded*
Really?
I thought you just went to some concert or whatever, that 65 thing with somebody.

*efforts tend to not go anywhere*
What is it you are expecting?

I sometimes get rays of hope but they’ll get dashed soon after so it starts to feel impossible.

Yes, I did go to a film with a friend. These happenings are just uncommon for me.

I tend to expect positive results for enduring but for some reason, I don’t get the same results that other people get when they do the same.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Have you wondered why your results are different? There are no guarantees in life and the common denominator is you. I do not know how much is being spent on your therapy when you can use a social mentor.

 

[Markness]

Have you wondered why your results are different? There are no guarantees in life and the common denominator is you. I do not know how much is being spent on your therapy when you can use a social mentor.

I thought you gave up on me.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I thought you gave up on me.

No, I have not. I have given up on hearing woe is me posts, and dearly wish you can gain some confidence. Because he has brought it up, I am mentoring an autistic boy I am a Big Brother to in understanding social communication and developing some confidence in himself. He has odd special interests, but because of what they are I think he is capable of a having a decent career.

 

[Aspychata]

Guess if you feel you aren't noticed, the take up a musical instrument and perform. We have a beautiful theater that people can try out for roles because it's all volunteers. Or l thought you were writing, which can also lead to being more noticed. Maybe you need to breakdown how you feel , when you feel unnoticed, then you need perhaps to come up with ideas to counteract this.

 

[Thinx]

Why would you ever care about what gerald thinks or says?

Because that would be constructive and a step forward, plus show that he values another person's perspective.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Why would you ever care about what gerald thinks or says?

which is what I continually ask him when he takes negative comments by others seriously.

 

[Aspychata]

If you are at a forum, then it means that you may possibly be interested in how others may help you to understand something holding you up. Otherwise, what are you doing at this forum? Can you think of a better way to make this forum a welcoming place for others @phantom ?

 

[Thinx]

What are negative comments?

"You are at fault for everything unfortunate in your life" Sounds like a negative comment to me.

It could be put differently, but I guess it means, you can take responsibility and work on things. Otherwise who will? Trying to find what's useful or positive in others input or advice is usually a way forward, when posting about our troubles on a forum.

 

[Thinx]

"you can take responsibility and work on things in your control" Is different from gaslighting, victim blaming, being patronizing and pretentiously virtue signaling. I would advice mark not to care about people who are into such things.

But if you look at the whole picture of Gerald's posts over time, you can see a picture that's different and far more useful and complex than this reductive blaming you are choosing to dole out supposedly to be a champion of others. Seeing the context of where people are coming from is important. Have a look at more of his posts, before you pass judgement.

 

[Markness]

You’d think I would get better after going through 16 years of grief (2006 to the present day.) but I am still struggling.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

You’d think I would get better after going through 16 years of grief (2006 to the present day.) but I am still struggling.

And how are you using that grief to change the parameters of your struggle?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

You’d think I would get better after going through 16 years of grief (2006 to the present day.) but I am still struggling.

And you tried way more than I tried than I have buddy and nothing has changed for us while others around us who don't have autism formed relationships.

 

[Rodafina]

You’d think I would get better after going through 16 years of grief (2006 to the present day.) but I am still struggling.

Grief can become complex and it does not always resolve in a linear way. It can come a go, a little different each day. I hope you also notice the moments of happiness and peace and gratitude, it can help resolve grief.

 

[Rodafina]

And you tried way more than I tried than I have buddy and nothing has changed for us while others around us who don't have autism formed relationships.

That sounds so frustrating for you. I hope that this doesn’t take away from the motivation to continue with yoga and working out and other things that have helped you even though they did not lead to a relationship. Maybe you can find happiness in these things, too. You have friends here that care about you.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

@Markness , You need to internalize this. You listen too closely to your negative imaginings which are holding you back.

 

[Markness]

I wish my detractors would leave me alone.

 

[Gerontius]

I hope you are not counting Gerald as one of your "detractors." Not sure who these shadowy people are but it's weird that he posts something positive & now you're saying something negative. I hope I am wrong about that, but am beginning to doubt.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I hope you are not counting Gerald as one of your "detractors." Not sure who these shadowy people are but it's weird that he posts something positive & now you're saying something negative. I hope I am wrong about that, but am beginning to doubt.

I think these are people he reads online who he listens to more intently than those trying to give him decent advice. I think by this dynamic of taking disparagement seriously he gives himself an excuse for failing to learn and grow.

 

[Markness]

Grief can become complex and it does not always resolve in a linear way. It can come a go, a little different each day. I hope you also notice the moments of happiness and peace and gratitude, it can help resolve grief.

There are some things I find happiness in and people like my mother try to take them from me. I tell her to get lost when she does it.