Saskia Priya
Member
Hi everyone,
There's no way I can say this in a short post, so I must apologise in advance for length. I've added some bullet points at the end for anybody who might be able to help but doesn't want to read the whole thing. Also, thank you for reading this at all...
Once upon a time I met the most incredible hunky, intelligent, kind, wonderful, awkward man on the face of the earth and - to my utter shock - he seemed even more interested in me than I was in him. It was at a group event...he kept trying to get me alone. Think a young Mel Gibson with glasses. It all seemed too perfect to be true, so I assumed he must be a womaniser, or or...anyway at the end of the event he wanted to walk me to the station. I panicked - I wasn't in control of myself. I (smiling a bright fake smile) made my excuses and hurried in the opposite direction.
If only I could go back...
Anyway, he looked like I'd punched him in the face.
Since then, the story has been really messy. I can only sum it up if I oversimplify it to this: some months later I made some tentative attempts to get closer to him, while pretending they were only to do with professional matters (we work in the same field, though for different companies). But just as we came to the verge of dating/relationship I overreacted to something he did and pushed him away. This obviously hurt him, and he gave me the silent treatment whenever we saw each other. Then one day - at a conference - he came up to me out of the blue to say goodbye, because he was moving to a different country. I didn't react much, because I was shocked that he was talking to me at all...he looked a bit sad and disappointed, as if he thought I'd try to talk to him more. Then he left and that was that. I had previously unfriended him on Facebook and cut all communication between us. There was, I thought, no going back.
I was very depressed for a long time after that. The worst thing was that whenever he used to tease/flirt or hint that maybe I saw him as more than a colleague, I pretended I hadn't noticed, and though I think he began to suspect there was something else, I rebuffed him whenever he could and he always had that same look, like I'd punched him. I couldn't really write him a personal email, because I had no right. Instead, I found an excuse to send him something work-related some months later. He took a few days to reply, but when he did he was friendly, if surprised. He said he'd been away. Being the overly emotional person I am, I catastrophised, concluded that he must be dating some other girl, and ended my reply to his message with a Till the next time we meet. He didn't try to write to me after that.
It was relatively recently that I realised that he probably has Asperger's, after reading up about it online. When I say probably - if he doesn't have Asperger's I'm not neurotypical. I'd swear on my life that he's on the spectrum.
I don't expect he has any interest left in me. As we live in different countries, the next chance I'll have to see him will be in a few months at an international convention. But I still wanted to ask your advice.
You see, I want so much to put things right between us...my mixed signals ever since the beginning would probably confuse an NT guy, even if he didn't take some of the brainless things I said literally. But I ruined my attempt to patch it up, and he probably thinks I'm crazy by now, so I'm scared of doing anything else...
And two questions only for the men on this forum...
I just want him to know that I care, without him feeling that I have any expectations. It's almost two years now since we've met, and I still think he's the most impressive man I will ever know, bar none.
There's no way I can say this in a short post, so I must apologise in advance for length. I've added some bullet points at the end for anybody who might be able to help but doesn't want to read the whole thing. Also, thank you for reading this at all...
Once upon a time I met the most incredible hunky, intelligent, kind, wonderful, awkward man on the face of the earth and - to my utter shock - he seemed even more interested in me than I was in him. It was at a group event...he kept trying to get me alone. Think a young Mel Gibson with glasses. It all seemed too perfect to be true, so I assumed he must be a womaniser, or or...anyway at the end of the event he wanted to walk me to the station. I panicked - I wasn't in control of myself. I (smiling a bright fake smile) made my excuses and hurried in the opposite direction.
If only I could go back...
Anyway, he looked like I'd punched him in the face.
Since then, the story has been really messy. I can only sum it up if I oversimplify it to this: some months later I made some tentative attempts to get closer to him, while pretending they were only to do with professional matters (we work in the same field, though for different companies). But just as we came to the verge of dating/relationship I overreacted to something he did and pushed him away. This obviously hurt him, and he gave me the silent treatment whenever we saw each other. Then one day - at a conference - he came up to me out of the blue to say goodbye, because he was moving to a different country. I didn't react much, because I was shocked that he was talking to me at all...he looked a bit sad and disappointed, as if he thought I'd try to talk to him more. Then he left and that was that. I had previously unfriended him on Facebook and cut all communication between us. There was, I thought, no going back.
I was very depressed for a long time after that. The worst thing was that whenever he used to tease/flirt or hint that maybe I saw him as more than a colleague, I pretended I hadn't noticed, and though I think he began to suspect there was something else, I rebuffed him whenever he could and he always had that same look, like I'd punched him. I couldn't really write him a personal email, because I had no right. Instead, I found an excuse to send him something work-related some months later. He took a few days to reply, but when he did he was friendly, if surprised. He said he'd been away. Being the overly emotional person I am, I catastrophised, concluded that he must be dating some other girl, and ended my reply to his message with a Till the next time we meet. He didn't try to write to me after that.
It was relatively recently that I realised that he probably has Asperger's, after reading up about it online. When I say probably - if he doesn't have Asperger's I'm not neurotypical. I'd swear on my life that he's on the spectrum.
I don't expect he has any interest left in me. As we live in different countries, the next chance I'll have to see him will be in a few months at an international convention. But I still wanted to ask your advice.
- It's been months since we've been in contact. Should I try to email him again, or should I just wait until I (probably) see him?
- If I do email him, I can't see myself spelling out that I see him as more than a colleague/friend (apart from anything else I don't want to creep him out). Would he probably just assume this based on the fact that I was emailing again?
- Should I mention at some stage that I made a mistake unfriending him on Facebook?...of course I can't really do that because he doesn't know why I unfriended him in the first place. I imagine it's a complete mystery to him. But since there's nothing between us but air - as far as things are officially - I can't explain...
- Or are the two emails I sent him after our..."breakup" (he certainly behaved as if it was)...sufficient demonstration of my interest?
- If I do just wait until I see him again, how do I show him that I still care without seeming forward?
You see, I want so much to put things right between us...my mixed signals ever since the beginning would probably confuse an NT guy, even if he didn't take some of the brainless things I said literally. But I ruined my attempt to patch it up, and he probably thinks I'm crazy by now, so I'm scared of doing anything else...
And two questions only for the men on this forum...
- would you still make a move on a girl who had acted very badly towards you if you were interested in her and she had apologised?
- Would you chase her at all in real life or otherwise?
I just want him to know that I care, without him feeling that I have any expectations. It's almost two years now since we've met, and I still think he's the most impressive man I will ever know, bar none.
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