Body Language skills

[Greatshield17]

Awhile ago on here, someone mentioned the importance of body language in social skills. I want to learn more about it and the importance of it for an Aspie. I'm hoping do be more independent this year, and I'll need to have good social skills in order to live that independent life.

So please provide me with the information I need, in order to have good body posture and get communicate better on that level.

Thanks.

 

[Gracey]

I'm led to believe one would have to be part psychopath to match up body language to lies we tell.

What I mean by that is one statement could be coming out of our mouths but our body language is telling a different version of a statement.

There's a wealth of information to search online if you're interested.

Personally, I believe practise at being sociable a good place to learn.
Not really something one can download like an app for instant, winning social skills.

 

[Thinx]

Nonverbal communication accounts for a large proportion of what we communicate to others, and includes tone, volume, pace and other aspects of speech, as well as eye contact, facial expressions, posture, gestures and body movements.

A heck of a lot of it is not something that most of us have much consciousness of, though, so you would ideally make recordings and videos of yourself to be aware of how you come over, then you could tweak it.

Some aspects of NVC can be hard to change, or you might not want to. My face is not very mobile and my voice not very expressive. I prefer not to make eye contact. I found training videos I made with fellow students useful when I first trained as a counsellor to see how I came over and adjust my posture to be more relaxed and open, to make adequate eye contact and to lessen any fidgeting, a still posture is often ok while listening so I was already quite good at that.

Start making some selfie videos! Tons about this in counselling or helping trainings sources or videos.

 

[SDRSpark]

The the amount of importance people place on body language sounds like a bunch of hokum to me, personally. And if I worry about my body language too much, I'm not going to be focusing on the actual conversation that I'm having, making it highly counterproductive.

What I think is really interesting is the amount of focus career coaches and advice sites put on body language. It reinforces the idea (the wrong idea) that you can tell if someone is being honest, is interested, etc. based on body language. Not only that, but it also tells people who are not honest, how to trick people (people who believe in this particular trope anyway) into believing that you are.

So what you have is a bunch of employers who think they can tell what people are thinking, and a bunch of people who know how to trick those specific employers into thinking they're a good candidate.

The whole thing just seems to be a very circular screw up.

 

[Thinx]

The the amount of importance people place on body language sounds like a bunch of hokum to me, personally. And if I worry about my body language too much, I'm not going to be focusing on the actual conversation that I'm having, making it highly counterproductive.

What I think is really interesting is the amount of focus career coaches and advice sites put on body language. It reinforces the idea (the wrong idea) that you can tell if someone is being honest, is interested, etc. based on body language. Not only that, but it also tells people who are not honest, how to trick people (people who believe in this particular trope anyway) into believing that you are.

So what you have is a bunch of employers who think they can tell what people are thinking, and a bunch of people who know how to trick those specific employers into thinking they're a good candidate.

The whole thing just seems to be a very circular screw up.

Well there's a lot of research on it, but it certainly is an area where much of the research reflects neurotypical norms. Because NVC reflects neurotypical norms I guess. And how we understand others reflects current majority cultural norms too. I wouldn't say it's all hokum, depends what sector you study it in and what you hope to do with your communication I guess.

 

[Greatshield17]

Nonverbal communication accounts for a large proportion of what we communicate to others, and includes tone, volume, pace and other aspects of speech, as well as eye contact, facial expressions, posture, gestures and body movements.

A heck of a lot of it is not something that most of us have much consciousness of, though, so you would ideally make recordings and videos of yourself to be aware of how you come over, then you could tweak it.

Some aspects of NVC can be hard to change, or you might not want to. My face is not very mobile and my voice not very expressive. I prefer not to make eye contact. I found training videos I made with fellow students useful when I first trained as a counsellor to see how I came over and adjust my posture to be more relaxed and open, to make adequate eye contact and to lessen any fidgeting, a still posture is often ok while listening so I was already quite good at that.

Start making some selfie videos! Tons about this in counselling or helping trainings sources or videos.

Thanks, I have been practicing a couple of those things before to some extent. Like eye contact for example, so far what I've managed to do is stare freakishly into peoples eyes haha, I need to focus more on taking the whole face in, maybe aim for just below their eyes at first.

 

[Greatshield17]

And if I worry about my body language too much, I'm not going to be focusing on the actual conversation that I'm having, making it highly counterproductive.

In regards to eye-contact, do you think it would be acceptable to make eye contact at first and then drift-off as you focus in on the conversation? Would NTs understand that you're focusing more-in, on what's being said?

 

[Aspychata]

Sometimes l look away and then look back and say so if this what you are really saying? If you are getting an unclear answer. Taking pauses in speech actually makes us come across as more confident. Open body language is always great. Hands in front,shoulders open, looking interested.

 

[SDRSpark]

In regards to eye-contact, do you think it would be acceptable to make eye contact at first and then drift-off as you focus in on the conversation? Would NTs understand that you're focusing more-in, on what's being said?

I have no idea.

 

[Thinx]

In regards to eye-contact, do you think it would be acceptable to make eye contact at first and then drift-off as you focus in on the conversation? Would NTs understand that you're focusing more-in, on what's being said?

Yes I think that can work, you might also be able to look at speakers sporadically as you listen. Making eye contact is useful to try to time what you reply, and signals you are listening, plus can signal you are about to speak. However I have to say I don't find this easy, and tend to either wait or interrupt. So sue me.

 

[Aspychata]

No

Nonverbal communication accounts for a large proportion of what we communicate to others, and includes tone, volume, pace and other aspects of speech, as well as eye contact, facial expressions, posture, gestures and body movements.

A heck of a lot of it is not something that most of us have much consciousness of, though, so you would ideally make recordings and videos of yourself to be aware of how you come over, then you could tweak it.

Some aspects of NVC can be hard to change, or you might not want to. My face is not very mobile and my voice not very expressive. I prefer not to make eye contact. I found training videos I made with fellow students useful when I first trained as a counsellor to see how I came over and adjust my posture to be more relaxed and open, to make adequate eye contact and to lessen any fidgeting, a still posture is often ok while listening so I was already quite good at that.

Start making some selfie videos! Tons about this in counselling or helping trainings sources or videos.

No wonder your answers are so well thought out and presented here. So you do counsel as a profession? It seems we have many talented ND peeps here. ☺

 

[SDRSpark]

Yes I think that can work, you might also be able to look at speakers sporadically as you listen. Making eye contact is useful to try to time what you reply, and signals you are listening, plus can signal you are about to speak. However I have to say I don't find this easy, and tend to either wait or interrupt. So sue me.

I also have no idea how to time my responses, wind up talking over people etc. I compare it to bad audio lag in a video chat.

I have no idea how eye contact factors into that. Especially when I'm speaking with more than one person at a time.