Aspies and hugging

[Spinelli]

I've never liked hugging or being hugged by anybody, even family or close friends. I usually close myself and let people put their arms around me if anything, but don't return the hug. My boyfriend is the only person I'm okay with hugging

 

[Dwayne]

I enjoy hugs from certain people. But mostly I find them just plain awkward and strange.

 

[Atay]

I love to hug and cuddle up with my sons during story-time. I would say I'm an affectionate, huggy mom. Everyone else, I tolerate. I even initiate hugs with friends and other family because I know it's expected - even when I don't want to.

Interestingly, I really want to do martial arts, but I balk at the idea of shadow-boxing. I'm not afraid of being hurt, I just don't want to make any physical contact with unfamiliar ppl. I find that whole part very unpleasant.

 

[Evy the Owl]

I LOVE hugs, they are so great. Just don't hug me from behind or all of the sudden.

 

[Andy R]

I enjoy hugs from certain people. But mostly I find them just plain awkward and strange.

Yep, that sums me up pretty well

 

[Marching Band Fangirl]

I actually only have one friend who I'm totally okay with hugging, but with most people I find it an invasion of personal space.


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[syst3mcas3]

I don't like hugs from people I'm not comfortable with but i think even NT's are the same. I would prefer not to hug most of the time. I love to hug my daughter but she said not interested and just gets baby mad. Hahaha! I like hugging my boyfriend. I think he is the one I hug most. otherwise it would be my daughter if she'd let me. Hugging anyone else is weird and leaves me kinda sad. Because it's either goodbye from a friend (sad hugs) or my mom who hugs kinda awkward and feels too "skinny". My dad and I didn't hug for years until very recently. I find it weird but I do like that it's happening at all.
I want more hugging but it's just not something that comes so easy for me.

 

[Atay]

Hugging releases oxytocin, which some research suggests may be deficient with Aspies. Oxytocin has many functions, but one primary piece has to do with fostering social connection. It is sometimes referred to as the "cuddle chemical." However, it seems Aspies are less inclined to hug so they don't foster this already deficient hormone. Catch 22, I suppose.

 

[Winter_Rose]

I don't mind hugging those who I trust the most, but overall, I hate hugging people. I just don't like to be touched.

 

[Kittily]

I don't mind hugging, but to be honest the only two people I usually hug is my fiancé and my mum... Mostly my fiancé. I used to love hugging but now I'm not as keen.

 

[mama_lotus]

I would happily hug anyone who will let me hug them ... I love hugs , what I can't stand is being stroked , either my hair or my skin , I hate it , I don't have a problem with firm touch as long as its still , like holding hands does not bother me at all but being stroked seems to really put me on edge , I'm constantly having to explain this to my partner , I also hate being touched if I can't see it coming , like if someone puts an arm on my shoulder from behind or I'm just not ready or anticipating it I can jump or pull back in shock

Yes. This.

Also, I am never the one to initiate the hug. I notice people greeting each other freely with hugs and then feel super awkward and stupid and unloved that I didn't get a hug. My husband says that the woman has to initiate a hug in a man/woman friendship hug? I don't get it. But I'm never the one to initiate hugs or handshakes. Sometimes I will awkwardly just hold my hand up, like a weird wave.

Also, I really enjoy the kiss greeting. I wish it was more common. You can control the distance the other person's lips are from your face and therefore minimize contact if you want to. It's only awkward if you both go for the same side.

 

[Flinty]

My husband says that the woman has to initiate a hug in a man/woman friendship hug? I don't get it.

The theory is that if that it were done in reverse it would resemble sexual harassment or something of that ilk.

 

[GoofKing]

My first girlfriend hugged me and I guess it must've have shown on my face that I didn't like the hug :/ Also I didn't like having a relationship very much as she was a bit too attaching. I did regret that I hurt her feeling by not sitting with her and her parents at a church dinner one night.

 

[mama_lotus]

The theory is that if that it were done in reverse it would resemble sexual harassment or something of that ilk.

Hmm. I guess I get that, but then, if we are established friends, why would I think he was harassing me? We're friends. Has me scratching my head for sure.

 

[Sem]

I don't really like hugs, except with my husband, mom, dad, and sister, and that's it. everyone else I'm never sure what I'm supposed to do - it's so awkward. I try to avoid hugs and also saying goodbye (I just try to sneak out or wander off when no one notices).

 

[Hidden]

I love to hug and cuddle up with my sons during story-time. I would say I'm an affectionate, huggy mom. Everyone else, I tolerate. I even initiate hugs with friends and other family because I know it's expected - even when I don't want to.

Interestingly, I really want to do martial arts, but I balk at the idea of shadow-boxing. I'm not afraid of being hurt, I just don't want to make any physical contact with unfamiliar ppl. I find that whole part very unpleasant.

Hey,
I do martial arts, and I hate being touched by unfamiliar people too - but in shadow-boxing (normally called sparring in MA) you usually wear safety equipment which include sparring mitts. These cover your entire hand, and shin pads cover your feet and shins so you still don't make contact when kicking. It does depend on the MA, though.

 

[Atay]

Hey,
I do martial arts, and I hate being touched by unfamiliar people too - but in shadow-boxing (normally called sparring in MA) you usually wear safety equipment which include sparring mitts. These cover your entire hand, and shin pads cover your feet and shins so you still don't make contact when kicking. It does depend on the MA, though.

Thanks for the feedback. Maybe I should look at a different place, then. There's a school 2 blocks from my house with nice people, but they don't wear equipment. I think I'll expand my search. It's worth the drive to avoid the awkwardness! Thanks again.

 

[faithmclaine]

I want hugs so bad but not many give me hugs or "real hugs" meaning not a side hug.

I try to give hugs too but it just ends up not happening. I guess I'm too awkward for people?

I agree with this I am desperate for them but my family are not huggy at all this may be why I crave them

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

It depends who's hugging me. With relatives, I build up the confidence to let them hug me. And I deal with it as best as I can.
If it's a close friend or my mum I don't mind at all.

When I was in a mall one time, a teacher snuck up and grabbed me from behind as a joke. Luckily I realised who it was before I turned around and hit that person, but jeez! That was definitely NOT funny. :/

 

[Sev]

I don't think I have too much of a problem with hugging. I'm just not on the emotional level of hugging with many people, even family; if this madness makes sense.