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Aspies and hugging

I would happily hug anyone who will let me hug them ... I love hugs , what I can't stand is being stroked , either my hair or my skin , I hate it , I don't have a problem with firm touch as long as its still , like holding hands does not bother me at all but being stroked seems to really put me on edge , I'm constantly having to explain this to my partner , I also hate being touched if I can't see it coming , like if someone puts an arm on my shoulder from behind or I'm just not ready or anticipating it I can jump or pull back in shock
 
I was "kiss greeted" by an attractive french lady in Germany. Complete sensory overload followed by shock. Lol such a normal thing I witness everyday was mind shattering. Hugging I have noticed only feels natural with my one close friend. Anyone else is just a reciprocating action to not make the situation more awkward. I am a very affectionate person as well, but limited in my capacity to appease most.
 
I don't like the 'surprise hug'. It catches me off guard and makes me feel invaded, rendering me totally rigid. I also don't appreciate a 'hello/goodbye' hug... unless I love the person. I love one person.

Hugs from anyone else feel weird and unnecessary.

...I'm not totally unaffectionate. During my life I've initiated hugs in relationships. Those can be soothing. I don't need them though.
Although I do like holding hands, fingers firmly entwined, whilst walking with a partner.
 
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wyverary said:
I can see how that can be a pleasant sensory/touch thing for an Aspie :)
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Holding hands feels reassuring and a lot less intrusive to me. Although I can't stand shaking hands with someone as a form of greeting. I literally run out of church to avoid it, or I fail to attend. I just don't like it at all. There's been times when I've tried to sort of pat the hand, instead of shake it.
Unfortunately I resembled a fly squatter, ellicting some strange looks.

I can remember sitting at the back of an empty church sobbing, (bad day).
Someone must have heard me, because I felt arms around me. I assume it must have been a cleaner. She sat with me for a few moments and asked me what was the matter. I was so shocked, I stopped crying.
It completely threw me. I could never throw my arms around someone I don't know. Although it did comfort me on that occassion.
 
Looking back on my life, I guess I can say I was never a fan. I always hug awkardly and stiffen up when hugged.
I remember a time in high school where a senior guy slapped my rear. I know now that it was a "manly" way of showing affection, but at the time...it really threw me for a loop. XP
 
For me I feel extremely uncomfortable hugging my mother, grandfather, and most of my family. However, I really like it when I am hugged by a bf or friend. My ex aspie bf used to hug literally everyone at school, even teachers. XD
 
I have mixed feelings about hugging. I hate them from my family. I never hug my parents or siblings unless I'm hyper or something. But sometimes I yearn for them so badly from friends I want to cry. And that makes me feel (no other word for it) dirty. Like wanting people to hug me is something to be ashamed of, like it's a weakness; I should be strong enough to do without.
I don't like it how people always want to hug upon meeting them, but there's nothing I can do about it. I've accepted that physical touch is an essential part in being friendly, so I'm more or less forced to reciprocate when people hug me. But I never, never initiate.

H.
 
I used to be huge on affection to the point where my preschool teachers called home because they found it inappropriate that I would give other kids kisses on the head or cheek. That stopped but I was still very affectionate. I gave hugs to all of my friends every time I saw them, and at one point I wore a "free hugs" sign in the 8th grade and gave them out until the vice principal made me take it off. I can get the kissing thing now in retrospect but I still don't understand what was wrong with hugs.

Then in 10th grade, I was having a conversation with my best friend, who said, and I quote, "maybe people would like you more if you didn't hug them so much." I was stunned, not only because it came out of nowhere in a conversation that was completely unrelated, but also because I was unaware at that point that there were people that didn't like me that didn't say it straight out, let alone my hugging. It stuck with me though. I didn't hug anyone and when I went to a new school on the other side of the country in 11th grade I never hugged or showed affection towards anyone I wasn't romantically involved with.

Now I can't even stand being brushed accidentally by someone skin-on-skin. I actually can't stand touching at all but I suck it up if it's not directly on skin. The only sort of touch I'm really ok with anymore is from my boyfriend and even then I could go for a little less canoodling.
 
Fox said:
I used to be huge on affection to the point where my preschool teachers called home because they found it inappropriate that I would give other kids kisses on the head or cheek. That stopped but I was still very affectionate. I gave hugs to all of my friends every time I saw them, and at one point I wore a "free hugs" sign in the 8th grade and gave them out until the vice principal made me take it off. I can get the kissing thing now in retrospect but I still don't understand what was wrong with hugs.

Then in 10th grade, I was having a conversation with my best friend, who said, and I quote, "maybe people would like you more if you didn't hug them so much." I was stunned, not only because it came out of nowhere in a conversation that was completely unrelated, but also because I was unaware at that point that there were people that didn't like me that didn't say it straight out, let alone my hugging. It stuck with me though. I didn't hug anyone and when I went to a new school on the other side of the country in 11th grade I never hugged or showed affection towards anyone I wasn't romantically involved with.

Now I can't even stand being brushed accidentally by someone skin-on-skin. I actually can't stand touching at all but I suck it up if it's not directly on skin. The only sort of touch I'm really ok with anymore is from my boyfriend and even then I could go for a little less canoodling.
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You have just beautifully described what many of your friends here have lived with. Not understanding what or how much of something other people accept as normal.. Conversation, touching, sarcasm, Whatever. I was there when you were ambushed with the truth.
You describe your feelings as going from one extreme to the other. To suddenly become aware of one of these things is embarrassing. When I found out, I was mortified. I just thought about all of the people that I offended and how I could ever see them again. But the way they look at me now does not change, just my feelings. I have been able to establish a couple of people that I can give hugs to, or get them from. I will also do random things like going downtown with a tee shirt that I have written "Free Hugs" on and just offer people hugs. Or grabbing a bunch of flowers and handing them out for on reason at all. This is fun. Good luck and breathe easy, It's only life after all.
 
Only certain people are allowed to hug me. Close family and friends. I particularly love my uncle's hugs because he is a huge guy who bear hugs. I love the all over, even pressure. What I can't stand is light touch. I have an ankle injury and I sighed and shifted my weight to my other foot one day last week at work in front of a very friendly coworker. She misinterpreted it as a stomach cramp (We had just been talking about "feminine things") and very lightly touched my back and I nearly jumped out of my skin and said "NO!" She startled backwards so I explained quickly and she smiled, apologized and told me she wouldn't do it again. I have customers who will sometimes touch me unexpectedly and I have yelled at a couple for it. And while I'm not afraid of bugs at all, I do have a very strong aversion to them on my skin. *Shudder*
 
I really don't like being touched so I try to avoid hugging. Only recently have I even started letting certain family members hug me.
 
I don't like being hugged... I can deal with the rare hugs here and there but that's it! I went on a trip with this girl who hugged everyone so I left the trip early. I couldn't cope
 
I've never been a fan of hugging. I'll let my immediate family hug me occasionally, and I hug my cats and dogs, but anybody else I'd have to be 100% comfortable with. When I was about 7 and in Year 2 of primary school, there were some girls in Year 6 who were "buddies" for the younger kids at play time, and they always used to try and hug them. I was terrified of them, and my teacher would often find me hiding in the cloakroom! My mum told me that, when I was little, I used to tense up whenever someone other than her or my dad picked me up, and I still do this whenever anybody tries to hug me. I'm quite hard to get close to in that respect, and have pushed people away in the past. It can be frustrating when people think I'm a snob or a b*tch because of this, because really I'm not; I just don't like being touched or hugged by random people.
 
I also very uncomfortable being hugged by most people. Only my wife can really hug me and I dont get tense or pull away. Even family members hugging me is very uncomfortable. Mike
 
My partner is touch sensitive, so if anything/anyone touches him unexpectedly, he startles really badly and it often sets off his hand flapping & whistles.
He often says sorry because he jumps even if i accidently brush against him at home. I dont mind, i just wait for him to hug me, that seems to solve the problem. He doesn't seem to mind the dog sitting on top of him and using him as a cushion though, but he bonds well with animals...
 
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