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Aspies and hugging

Butterfly_Lady

Butterfly_Lady

Well-Known Member
how many Aspies actually like hugging their friends? and how many get overwhelmed when one of their friends ALWAYS has to give them a hug every single time they see them?

for me, right now, I am the second one, I am so overwhelmed with Nolan having to hug me every single time that he sees me. Anyone else like this?
 
I want hugs so bad but not many give me hugs or "real hugs" meaning not a side hug.

I try to give hugs too but it just ends up not happening. I guess I'm too awkward for people?
 
I have always been very affectionate but never had many people in my life to hug.
I would on occasion like holidays and birthdays hug my best friends Rich and Ray since they are my brothers.
I think I feel that way about Butterfly Lady because she is my best friend but I see her as my sister and I haven't had the
chance to express any love to my sister kelley in 10+ yrs. The longer I go without seeing someone the more I want
to give a hug. Of course I have an ingrained habit of giving a hug every time from when I was married since
everyday before we left for work and when we came home we always gave each other a hug, kiss and an I love you.
A tradition we never broke in 13yrs.
 
I dont necessarily mind hugs, but I do find it a bit odd if ive only just met someone. Having said that, I will never be the one to initiate a hug
 
This could explain why I never wanted a hug from my family that much. I dunno if it's from rejection. I always used to tense up by being hugged by others. I think I am okay now with hugging my grandmother, and mother. I am starting to like being hugged by a small group of friends at college.

I don't think me being an aspie had any affect of being that one friend who loves hugging people. I always wanted to hug a lot of people at college. Aspies are known to be quite affectionate people. And a hug can often sooth the pain for me. And it makes you feel at least someone cares when they do give you a hug. - I don't however tolerate unpredictable touch from others.

If I know that person well or if it's someone I like, then I'd hug them. Although I'd never like being touched from someone that I don't know.

Maybe it's just another one of my aspie tendancies.
 
Interesting question for me. In the past, several years ago, I was perfectly fine with good, long, cozy hugs, even the occasional cuddling. I was told once, even, that I was a very good hugger. (Looking back, my relationship with this person might have been quasi-romantic, but I didn't realize or care at the time.) But now, and as time goes by, I like it less and less, and I never initiate a hug, though I'm usually fine with it if I know and love the person well. But even my best friend, we never hug...the only occasion I think we did was when we were both quite inebriated and she was having some serious troubles in her life. My brother is the only person in the world I can hug freely and without reservation...I even try to avoid hugging my parents (awful, I know).

Maybe it's because of my ever-increasing desire for...if not solitude, maybe space...that has made physical contact less and less welcoming to me.
 
I have one rule about hugs: warn me first. Otherwise you'll see me prone on the floor avoiding it. Capisce?
 
I have found that with all I have gone through relationship/intimate wise, I don't want to have anything to do with hugging someone from my past in that department. Even if they are still my friend, having them touch me, makes me extremely uncomfortable now.
 
I'm a lot like Flinty on this issue. Stealth huggers, who seem to pop out of the ground like mushrooms in a video game, drive me nuts! I do not like to be hugged at all & I think that part of the reason for this may be a sensory overload thing. I can smell their perfume, deodorant (or lack thereof) feel every lump of their body too. If they have a fabric I hate with a pattern or colour I cannot stand, I don't want that all over me either. Then, too, stealth huggers are virtually always loud...AFTER they sneak up & ambush you. Then comes the loud, "HIIII!!!! REMEMBER ME!?! SOOO NICE TO SEEE YOU AGAIN!!!" Then they really put the squeeze on you. These types also are kissers & they begin slobbering!

Meanwhile, you are trying NOT to punch the person out & bolt for the nearest exit. What twisted lunatic thought that establishing such a custom was a good idea?
 
Hugs are rare and awkward especially from people I rarely see. But are ok, at least it's a slow and caring act.

What I don't like is people who feel the need to poke at me as they walk by. My ex would do that then get mad when I'd jump. Worst is the guys at work who will come up and smack me in the head. One guy flicked me in the head pretty forcefully one time and it really ticked me off because I already had a headache. I guess it's just supposed to be part of the whole small talk atmosphere that I'll never understand.
 
I don't really like hugs..or touching. I guess its hard to explain because sometimes i want a hug and then I will initiate it but if not then don't hug me or touch me. I don't like it feels like fire pins sticking into my skin.
 
hugs are awkward, but i especially hate , the let me come up behind you and put my hand on your shoulder reassuringly, signaling that you and I are "buddys" who have a repore that includes getting in each others personal space. Cause we are "Buddys" and that is what buddys do.

Ooo i want to yell at them. Dont touch my Friggin Shoulder! Im not a pet. You have not earned access to my personal space! but i ussually just grit my teeth and shrug it off.
 
Couldn't tell you cause I don't really remember getting any "real" hugs. I guess you can't miss what you've never had.
 
Yeah, you better be extraordinarily close to me or back off.

Otherwise quite frankly I don't appreciate such an invasion of personal space.
 
Someone up there mentioned 'pokers'. These are some of the worst people! AAUUGGHH! These same folks also tend to be people who talk with their hands, so they slap at you, grab your upper arms, pat & rub & jab their finger at you in order to punctuate their words. Why do they do this? What does grasping my arm in a vice-grip have to do with, 'HEY! Guess what happened to PHIL?'. What does jabbing an index finger right at my nose have to do with, 'If ya ask me, we ought to vote those _____ out!!!' (first, I did NOT ask...secondly, poking out my eye will NOT result in said politician leaving office.) Didn't these people pass Kindergarten? Didn't they learn to keep their hands to themselves?
 
umbrellabeach said:
I love hugs (from people I know and like), but I rarely get them and I don't like to initiate them.
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Same. There are even times when I'm feeling emotionally overloaded and lonely and not having someone around to embrace just makes everything so much worse. I feel abandoned and unloved. I'll totally accept anyone who wants a hug, but I never think to initiate them. It just never occurs to me, and with so many non-huggers I figure that's for the best.
When it comes to people I don't know, if they ask for a hug I'll probably give it to them, but it'll make me a little nervous because I'm not entirely sure of their intentions or what kind of person they are. Thankfully my sensory issues aren't intense enough to make a hug entirely UNcomfortable.
 
It has been years since I've hugged an actual friend. But I get hugged (notice I am putting myself in the passive position here) by other people sometimes. More often though, people just hit me on the arm.
 
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