Asperger behaviour or something more sinister?

[poorlittlefish]

I am on the ASD spectrum myself (diagnosed) and for 6 months have been dating a guy who I strongly believe has Aspergers. I say this because his eye contact is terrible, he is very sensitive to light/sound, is fascinated with stats/number plates, flicks his hands, can be very blunt and is very socially awkward. He seems to have trouble processing things I say sometimes and his concentration on the road is such that the police have pulled him over for driving erratically. I've never been able to tell whether he has any genuine feelings for me because he doesn't express anything unless I ask, he doesn't seem able to reassure me about anything and is almost incapable of comprehending when he should be apologising.

I can cope with most of that, but the problem is that as time has gone on I guess his real self is coming out more and he's started behaving in ways I'm finding increasingly bizarre and uncomfortable to deal with. I don't know if he just has more intense ASD symptoms than me or if there is something else going on with him. The other day I asked him if he is taking drugs or if he has some kind of diagnosis that maybe I need to know about, but he said no to both. The behaviours I'm talking about are things like...

...muttering expletives under his breath for no apparent reason (and denying he's said anything, but I can hear him!)
...talking to himself in the shower, again quite aggressively
...if he dislikes something I've said I'll know about it, not because he tells me but because he'll start slamming doors, driving dangerously, flinging things etc
...going very hot and cold on me, to the point where I'm a bag of nerves, not knowing which version of him is going to turn up
...when he goes odd he doesn't smile at all, he goes red in the face and his eyes go funny (hard to explain)

When he's acting normally we get on so well, we make each other laugh and he's great company, but I don't know what to do when he's acting oddly, particularly as he claims he's fine and not acting differently when he very clearly is! Any ideas??

 

[Judge]

Have you established any kind of meaningful pattern to his traits which you find to be negative in some way? Can you correlate them to his stress levels? Just wondering.

While we may or may not be able to relate to a fellow Aspie, it doesn't automatically translate into understanding or experiencing other traits and behaviors we either don't have, or experience at very different amplitudes.

 

[bon vide]

my brother who is also on the autistic spectrum does some of those when he gets stressed or very upset, but idk what u mean by going odd. kind of like what judge said, probably has something to do with stress?but it does sound like this guy might have asd or something

 

[Suzanne]

Mmmm well, that means I have to be sinister as well, because, even though I do not go around swearing, I do react similar when I do not like something.

When I get upset, sadly, I appear that I am going to blow, because of how red I become. I can feel the rush of heat rising and it makes me even worse!

I have never hit or thrown anything, but this is because, when I was about 5, I did cause a dent ina door, with how angry I was and that told me that if I were not careful, I could cause a lot of damage and that seems to be my default for not attacking; although, I did used to attack myself.

The best thing you can do, is stop talking and leave him alone, to calm down. When my husband insists on talking to me, I actually will sit there, with my hands tight against my ears, to drown out his voice and rock back and forth and when he FINALLY gets the point, that talking to me, is not helping and walks away, it is not too soon after that, I come to him and apologise and we hug.

Cannot process my thoughts when someone is constantly jabbering at me.

It is not his fault that he reacts this way and once you appreciate that, you will find things get better between you.

 

[Bolletje]

Could be schizophrenia, but it's impossible to tell over the Internet