Are there different levels of Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism?

[cheetoe80]

What is the reason why people are turned off by people who are desperate? why is desperation so unattractive?

girls want a guy who is better than them, one who could get other girls if he really wanted to. They want to breed up above their level, they don't want someone if they think no one else wants them. They also don't want someone who will whine like a ***** and try to hold on to the relationship for dear life even if you two aren't any good together.

 

[kasmanaft08]

They also don't want someone who will whine like a ***** and try to hold on to the relationship for dear life even if you two aren't any good together.

This, this, this. (Why I broke up with my ex, actually)

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

makes me, jealous, envious of girls then, girls can get validation from dating, relationships but we guys can not.

 

[kg4fxg]

Well,

It is a different world today. Girls maybe somewhat reserved from previous experiences with an over aggressive guy? Don't act desperate or like holding on for dear life. Give the girl room to breath, easier said than done. All I can say is that I am glad I am not dating. It is stress and no fun. I don't think you can be in this situation and no feel like you are losing your mind. We with AS don't get social cues and may second guess everything, also replay everything in our mind.

Dating is just not easy! It is hard to think objectively. Emotions are involved. One minute you and her assume X next she does Y? I think it is a very difficult position to be in, although we can't help but enter it. It is like having no choice because very few really want to be alone 100% of the time.

B

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

i will be honest that Suicide has crossed my mind because i have never had a girlfriend before and i can't picture myself ever getting one, and if I do, i will be old by the time i get one

 

[cheetoe80]

i will be honest that Suicide has crossed my mind because i have never had a girlfriend before and i can't picture myself ever getting one, and if I do, i will be old by the time i get one

I've thought of suicide/been suicidal before, I used to cut. It was more because I was feeling like I was a piece of crap and worthless, but difficulty with the ladies didn't help things.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

what pisses me off, frustrates me, is why does everyone make it out to be that there is someone out there for everyone, how is that accurate?

 

[2010Dolby]

Im 19 and have had 3 serious girlfriends before. Trust me when I say its not all as great as people think. It reminds me of a fairy tale, (dont be offended, girls, please. Its all in good fun )

"Once upon a time a man asked a beautiful woman to marry him. She declined his proposal. And the man lived happily ever after and got drunk whenever he wanted, and collected American muscle cars, and bought a boat, and raced motorcycles, and smoked Marlboro Reds without somebody yelling at him, and gambled every payday, and went fishing 6 times a week, and went road hunting in Silverado 3500, and never had to talk about feelings or emotions ever again. The end."

The moral of the story is that sometimes you should just appreciate being a single guy!

 

[cheetoe80]

what pisses me off, frustrates me, is why does everyone make it out to be that there is someone out there for everyone, how is that accurate?

it's just a catch phrase like "everything happens for a reason" "crime doesn't pay" or "we're all equal". they don't have to be accurate, just sound good.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

that sounds better, maybe it's time i accept and deal with it

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

girls are allowed to be insecure but we guys are not, pisses me off

 

[Kelly]

girls are allowed to be insecure but we guys are not, pisses me off

I'm curious where your getting all these 'facts' from? Is someone telling you these things or are you making them up yourself based on popular societies standards?

The way I've seen the social structure and popular hierarchy the men at the top are not allowed to cry, have to be majorly into sports, drinking etc etc and the women at the top have to be addicted to fashion and grooming and have as little intelligence as possible. Then there are other men and women who do not conform to that image, men who are not really into sports, who are insecure and cry, who would rather stay at home and read then go out and get drunk with their pals. Women who don't have to cake themselves in make-up just to go to a local shop for milk, they love to read, the theater, video games etc etc.

My point is that there are all different types of people on this planet, you can't just accept that there is one type of man /woman or that women never make the first move or that men are not allowed to be insecure, you'd be surprised how wrong those statements are but your basing them solely on your experiences.

Now on to the major issue your facing of getting a date, some simple questions to maybe get to the bottom of things. As already asked how many women are you contacting on dating sites per day? What sort of thing are you saying? What types of women are you contacting? And be honest...have you been contacting those with similar interests etc or have you been going mainly on looks?

 

[cheetoe80]

popculturegeeknerd06, do you have friends? If so do you have female friends? Don't feel bad if you don't, I just have some ideas that might help you.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

just male friends, but only 1 i consider a true friend, the others i consider mainly acquaintences, in fact, i'm not sure if i should consider them friends or not, because i always have to text or call them first, they are never the first ones to call or text me first, initiate anything, and i do not like that. As for a female friend, i would i only have 1 but i do not see her as more than a friend

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

I'm curious where your getting all these 'facts' from? Is someone telling you these things or are you making them up yourself based on popular societies standards?

The way I've seen the social structure and popular hierarchy the men at the top are not allowed to cry, have to be majorly into sports, drinking etc etc and the women at the top have to be addicted to fashion and grooming and have as little intelligence as possible. Then there are other men and women who do not conform to that image, men who are not really into sports, who are insecure and cry, who would rather stay at home and read then go out and get drunk with their pals. Women who don't have to cake themselves in make-up just to go to a local shop for milk, they love to read, the theater, video games etc etc.

My point is that there are all different types of people on this planet, you can't just accept that there is one type of man /woman or that women never make the first move or that men are not allowed to be insecure, you'd be surprised how wrong those statements are but your basing them solely on your experiences.

Now on to the major issue your facing of getting a date, some simple questions to maybe get to the bottom of things. As already asked how many women are you contacting on dating sites per day? What sort of thing are you saying? What types of women are you contacting? And be honest...have you been contacting those with similar interests etc or have you been going mainly on looks?

yeah but if a guy lacks confidence, has low self-esteem, is insecure, it hurts him way more than a girl, it is a red-flag to most girls.

 

[cheetoe80]

just male friends, but only 1 i consider a true friend, the others i consider mainly acquaintences, in fact, i'm not sure if i should consider them friends or not, because i always have to text or call them first, they are never the first ones to call or text me first, initiate anything, and i do not like that. As for a female friend, i would i only have 1 but i do not see her as more than a friend

I sent you a pm, hope it helps.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

i hate how society, life, culture, the media, expects us guys to be assertive, aggressive all the damn time, toughen it up, it really makes me fantasize, dream, of beating up some-guy, for telling me to "man up, be a man, grow a pair, grow some balls", i would rather show that i am a man, that i have balls instead of having to take charge, be assertive, be mature, etc.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

Seriously, what really angers me, pisses me off, frustrates me, is how the attraction process, mechanism works between guys and girls. In order for guys to be boyfriend material, in order to be attractive to the oppossite sex, in this case girls, it always or usually comes down to his confidence, character, attitude, mindset, mentality, way of thinking, his social-skills, conversation-skills, the way he walks, sits, stands, breathes, thinks, talks, his passion or hobbies, or hobby, he has to have a passion for something, he has to have goals, be ambitious, be a leader not a follower, it comes down to his ability to talk to people, socialize, the words and sentences that come out of his mouth, his body-language, he has to have a life, be a busy person and have things to do, because girls dislike guys who are too available, thats where the word "challenge" comes into play, because girls apparently are attracted to guys that are a challenge, hard to get, the guy has to have a not give a **** attitude mindset, not care what other people think of him. In order for a girl to be girlfriend material, attractive to guys, she just has to be born cute, pretty, decent looking, average, she does not need any of those traits i mentioned, women can be socially-awkward, socially-inept and still get a guy but we guys can't if we are like that.
This is what one guy said regarding how the dating and relationship scene works: "the way dating and relationships work man, is that every woman is useful, only the 'best' men are really required, so be one of them"
Also, David DeAngelo said this "Women are VERY different from Men when it comes to ATTRACTION.

You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.

When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.

But does the same apply for women?

Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?

Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks."

Now, don't get me wrong, personality does matter to me, is important to me, but it is far more important to girls than to guys, but still, i think looks matter, are important to girls more than people say, think, because many people argue that ugly girls will have a harder time than ugly guys, but still, i only see attractive people dating people who are in their league, as in they are equally attractive to them, i'm just saying that even if a guy looks like Brad Pitt, David Beckham, Channing Tatum, Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Tom Cruise, George Clooney, Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, Tom Brady, or a GQ Model, but if those guys lack those traits, characteristics i mentioned above, most women will not give them a chance, reject them instantly.

 

[Bay]

Seriously, what really angers me, pisses me off, frustrates me, is how the attraction process, mechanism works between guys and girls. In order for guys to be boyfriend material, in order to be attractive to the oppossite sex, in this case girls, it always or usually comes down to his confidence, character, attitude, mindset, mentality, way of thinking, his social-skills, conversation-skills, the way he walks, sits, stands, breathes, thinks, talks, his passion or hobbies, or hobby, he has to have a passion for something, he has to have goals, be ambitious, be a leader not a follower, it comes down to his ability to talk to people, socialize, the words and sentences that come out of his mouth, his body-language, he has to have a life, be a busy person and have things to do, because girls dislike guys who are too available, thats where the word "challenge" comes into play, because girls apparently are attracted to guys that are a challenge, hard to get, the guy has to have a not give a **** attitude mindset, not care what other people think of him. In order for a girl to be girlfriend material, attractive to guys, she just has to be born cute, pretty, decent looking, average, she does not need any of those traits i mentioned, women can be socially-awkward, socially-inept and still get a guy but we guys can't if we are like that.

I don't know who David D'Angelo is, but I have been a girl much longer than he has and I can tell you that virtually everything you wrote in the quote included here works the same way in reverse. There are many of us girls who wondered if anyone would ever ask us out. And yes, I am talking years. Yet we are intelligent, sensitive, funny, etc., just as you are. Please ask a female friend or relative for some honest feedback about your approach, demeanor, style and things like that. Most of us give off "vibes" that we aren't always aware of when we are anxious. I have had best success online, where I can let my personality take the lead.

 

[Flinty]

Ah, David D'Angelo.

He calls his stuff "Dating Tips" but the honest truth is that they're "Getting Laid Tips". If that is what you're after, go ahead. But eventually a woman will want to be treated like a human being, so what do you do then?