Are there different levels of Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism?

[2010Dolby]

No problem, thanks for just being yourself Arashi!

 

[Arashi222]

No problem, thanks for just being yourself Arashi!

You are welcome. I'm happy to help prove a point anytime. We are who we are right?

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

but if a guy lacks a passion for something or things, it hurts him a lot more than a girl

 

[cheetoe80]

but if a guy lacks a passion for something or things, it hurts him a lot more than a girl

Are you saying that you have trouble with ladies because you have no hobbies or interests? That should be pretty easy to fix.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

well it's hard to say whether if these are true hobbies or passions, or not.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

I made some edits to this, added more information, but this is to go to show how it is easier for girls:
Basically, it is okay for girls to get validation from guys but not the other way around. We guys have to find ways to be comfortable, content, and be in love with our own life, we have to get our validation from life, and have things we are up to in our life be validating us. Success with women, girls and success in life are similiar. Just as girls, women won't go out of their way to bring guys dating, relationship, love success, or sexual success, life does not go out if it's way to bringing anyone life success. Just as a guy's love life, dating and relationship life is his chore, burden, responsibility, to make it the way he wants it, a person's life as a whole is their responsibility to make it the way they want it. If we guys want to be successful with girls, women, it makes sense for us to have long-term goals for our lives that inspire us and that we are moving toward, no matter how slowly. If we guys do this, we'll get our validation from life rather than girls, women.
For example, let's say there is a guy who is a Video-Game Designer for a Large Company, it was easy for him to allow his life to get into a rut. Day after Day he'd go to work, design, program, come home, watch TV, and go to Bed. He had no goals, no direction. He became passive with his life and, not surprisingly, with women, girls. He blamed his company for his lack of employment of his job, and blamed women for his lack of a love, relationship, dating, sex life. His future looked like it would be just his past. He looked to women for validation in his life, because he couldn't find it anywhere else, and when they didn't validate him, he became depressed. Thus the cycle got worse: The more depressed he became, the more he wanted women to make him feel validated, and predictably, the less attractive he became. The less attractive he became, the fewer women validated him and the more depresed he got.
This was the state he was in when he came into when he was seeking advice, complaining about his lack of success with girls, women. The advice he was given was that he has to set goals for his life. He was told he had to go to a local bookstore and get a book on goal-setting, and got him to really look at what he wanted his life to be like in 10 years, five years, one year. He also was told to write down goals that inspired him, and to put them into his date book where he'd see them often. As he began to get excited about what was possible for him in his life, the cycle began to break apart. He started getting his validation from his life, rather than girls, women.
This made him more attractive to women. Rather than wanting to have a girlfriend so he could have a life, he began having a life that validated him, whether girls, women were in it or not. Naturally, women, girls, were intrigued by his passion for his life, and wanted to be a part of it. He also had to make more male friends, guys have to be extroverts, if they have little or no friends, they are screwed, if a girl is that way, introverted, she won't be screwed. He was also advised to make more male friends. He tended to have many female friends or little to no female friends, or few or no male friends. There is nothing wrong with having female friends, but there are two kinds of female friends: the ones we guys want to date and be in a relationship with, have sex with but don?t want us, and the ones we don?t want to date, be in a relationship with, not have sex. When a guy has many girls, women in his life that he wants to date, be in a relationship with or sexually but who only want to be friends with him, it?s hard on his confidence. He was always around women, girls who didn?t want him in a dating, relationship or sexual-way, and this made him feel undesirable. It convinced him that women, girls only wanted him as a friend, which really meant that girls, women didn?t want him as a boyfriend. Being around these women, girls got him into the habit of being nonsexual friends with desirable girls, women, rather than being their lover. He began treating women, girls like friends and they treated him the same way. So the guy had to stop spending so much time with girls, women he desired, wanted but who didn?t want him back, desire him back, and starting spending more time with guys, men.
Because his male friendships were able to validate him without putting down his sexuality or showing him that he was undesirable. He found he could get a kind of support from men, guys, he could never get from women he desired who insisted on being just "friends". This validated him and made women's, girl's reactions to his approach less disturbing.
Women, girls are attracted to guys, men who have passion and fire for their lives. They aren't any more interested in prodiving guys, men, the validation for their lives than you are for theirs(that I disagree with, most guys, men, don't care, we are proud to make women, girls feel happy). When a guy, man has goals, male friends, and a life that inspires him, he'll be validated by what he is up to, and women, girls will want to be a part of his life. It won?t matter(but I want it to matter) to the guy is they say yes or no, reject him, when he approaches, makes the first move, asks her out, seduces and goes for that first kiss. He?ll be validated by his life and easily be able to move on to the next girl, woman, well that I really hate, despise, loathe, hate having to move on, I hate how women do not owe men anything but we men owe women everything or just something.
If a guy's life is lonely and meaningless, that makes a guy look desperate, needy, clingy, insecure, pathetic, a loser to girls, women. A guy has to have something he is into, that gives his life meaning, above and beyond dating, relationships, love, sex. If a guy is trying to get meaning for his life out of interactions with girls, women, they will always notice it and reject him instantly, be repulsed by it. Guys too, won't respect that guy.
I understand, already know why girls, women are attracted to rich guys, because subconsciously, women, girls, want a provider for her and her potentially future kids, i don't blame them for that, but girls, women, are attracted to guys, men who are successful in life and many of these guys, men and are not rich themselves, don't have money.
Here it is, girls, women, are attracted to, like successful guys. It is true they are attracted to money but that is not the whole story. They are attracted to guys who are passionate about their lives and have fire and drive. Some of these guys have money, some of them don't. Money is less important than being a dynamic guy, man, tackling his life head-on. We've all seen the garage-band guitarists who are able to get dates and girlfriends, hook-ups, sex easily, eventhough they never play anywhere except but in local bars. Their passion for something in their lives makes both these kinds of guys, the guys with money and the guitarists, more attractive to girls, women.
Along with passion, women, girls are very attracted to guys who have deep social connections. In essense, girls are attracted to guys who have social-status, which means a guy has plenty of friends, both guys and girls, is very outgoing, is frequently participating in social activities and is involved in several different social-circles.
I?m not gonna walk through an entire life-overhaul here, but from what I?ve found out, read, unfortuneately, but the same principles for guys being successful with girls, women are the same principles for life success, I wish they were 2 separate things, issues.
It also makes sense to act with an outcome in mind, not just with girls, women, but also in every other area of your life. It makes sense to see life as a number?s game, like the lottery, to not take the events of life personally and pursue more than one project at a time. It makes sense to be willing to walk away from work or business situations that aren?t paying off, just as it makes sense to be willing to walk away from girls, women. And it makes sense to make life work for you, just as it makes sense to make dating and relationships, sex work for you. Keeping these dating and relationship principles in mind as you design your life will help you life with passion and a purpose, mission, goal, and success. You?ll be able to use the principles of planning and following through, in creating a life you are passionate about. When you are passionate about your life, and care about something other than dating, relationships, a girlfriend, sex, you won?t be desperate. Men, guys become desperate when they are lonely. This especially happens to guys who don?t have any friends of either gender or just not many friends at all. If we guys don?t have buddies we can kick back and really relax with, we should get some. Having male friends makes interactions with girls, women less important sources of love and validation. It will be much easier for a girl, woman to trust us and be relaxed once she knows that we are not desperate for attention.

See all the work we guys have to do?

Girls, Women, don't have to do this.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

Another thing too, also, us guys have to be in control of our lives, be in charge of our lives, have to make life work for us in order to make ourselves boyfriend material, attractive to girls, women. Here is the story, example:
Let’s say you met this girl last week, attractive, fit, blonde, in her early 20’s or mid-20’s. You had fun talking together, she readily gave you her phone number and agreed to meet up for coffee. You arrive 10 minutes early and are all ready for her to show up. You are waiting at the time she said’ she’d be there, waiting 10 minutes past that time, and still waiting 30 minutes later. She still hasn’t shown up. The question is, did you make it work for you, or didn’t you?
A guy, man, who makes life work for him has no difficulty in this situation. He’s brought some work to do, or some reading that is important for him to complete. He set up the date at a place and time convenient for him, so that if she didn’t show up it wouldn’t wreck, ruin his day. He works and flirts with the other girls, women at the coffee shop, and ends up having a good time anyway. After waiting 30 minutes, he leaves. When he calls the girl, woman who didn’t show, he’s not filled with unproductive resentment that she didn’t keep her word. He made life work for him and had a good time anyway.
A guy, man who doesn’t make life work for him is so amazed, surprised, astounded, happy that the girl, woman said Yes in the first place, that he bends over backward to meet her for the coffee first date. He may have canceled something important, rearranged his schedule, and come to an inconvenient place to meet her. He’ll have arrived early to socialize and have no back-up plan in place for when she doesn’t arrive or if she doesn’t arrive. Even if she does arrive, 40 minutes late, he’s so angry and upset, humiliated that he can’t have a good time with her. He’s made himself a victim by not making his life work for him.
Sadly, unfortunately, this is a huge mistake guys, men make. They expect others, or their circumstances, to make life work for them, I hate how women, girls, are allowed to let others, or circumstances make life work for them but we guy’s, men can’t, I see it as a chore, burden. The guy who is victimized by his date not showing up was expecting her to make the date work for him. As a result, the guy was a victim, just as we guys will if we leave making life work in the hands of other people.
Let’s say there is this guy named George, he’s an example, I made him up for this story, he is a tall, balding man in his late 20’s. He has an important presentation to make at 8:00 AM the next morning. It could make or break his getting that big promotion. After wrapping up the final details for his presentation, he decides to go out with the guys for a couple of drinks. It is now 9:00 PM, and the bar seems really hopping. This girl named Tiffany, touches him, smiles, and even leans over off her bar stool to kiss him lightly, pressing her breasts into him. “Finally” George thinks to himself, “I’m finally going to get lucky”.
Unfortuneately for George, Tiffany has no intention of leaving before closing time which is 2:30 AM, still 3 hours away. George is tantalized with the prospect of sex or a potential date, girlfriend dangling before him. He drinks and dances with her until 2:30 AM. Then she begs him to take her to an after-hours party until 3:30 AM. Finally, he gets her back to his apartment, where they have sex until 6:00 PM. Still drunk and exhausted, on one hour of sleep, George gives a terrible presentation the next morning. He didn’t get the promotion and his boss’s boss wonders aloud what is wrong with him.
The answer is simple: George didn’t make life work for him, at least not in this situation. Once a woman comes on the scene, he becomes a victim. He hopes her whims get him a date, a girlfriend, relationship or sex and that his life will still work. He becomes a victim of his own unwillingness to take control, charge of his life. He is also blind-sided by his own urges and has no ability to prioritize the things in his life. He acts out of desperation, not like a man with a plan, I don’t see the logic in that as to why is being in control, in charge in you’re life a masculine, manly thing, etc.
When another guy named John, finds himself in the same or similar situation, his choices, options are easy(I don’t see how it is easy). He knows that for life to work for him he must leave the bar by 11:00 PM, whether or not there’s a woman on his arm, or welcoming his advances. He tells this girl named Amber he has to leave, and she’s disappointed. He tells her he’d love to see her again, and gets her phone number. He leaves, gets to bed early, and aces his presentation next morning. He gets the raise, and is so pumped up by his success that he goes out that night and picks up another woman(only the top 5 or 1 percent of guys can pull this off) and has sex with her all night. Plus, he still has Amber’s number to call her.
The difference between George and John is that John is committed to making his life work for him, while George isn’t. George might say he is, but the possibility of a potential date, girlfriend, or hook-up makes him throw away his control over his life. If to observe both guys, we can see that George is more committed to being a victim of his circumstances and to instant satisfaction than he is to long-term gain. John sets his intentions and moves toward it. He’s leaving the bar by 11:00 PM, because he knows that’s what it’ll take to make his presentation work. His presentation is his top priority. He knows a potential date, girlfriend or hook-up isn’t worth risking the raise he’s been working on for 3 months. John is an effective seducer, George is not unfortuneately.
Do we guys make life work for you in every situation, or are you willing to throw away control of your life when there’s the possibility of dating, a relationship, or sex? Unfortuneately, pisses me off, in order for us guys to be boyfriend material or just attractive to women, girls, we have to set up our lives so that we can get the kind of life we want, whether girls are in the picture or not. They count on themselves to make their lives work, rather than counting on girls. As a result they are more happier, confident, comfortable and content, more in control of their lives, more successful, and more attractive to women. It is said that Sex is the world’s most expensive commodity(although I would much rather prefer having a girlfriend, an actual relationship, sex is not my high priority). Sometimes I consider the male sex drive, libido to be a curse, that expensive commodity for sex definitely. Us guys hardcore want, desire or need for sex has cause Empire’s, Mafia’s to collapse or problems within it, loses them jobs, lands them in Jail.
If we have ever done something that hurt our long-term best interests in order to pursue the possibility of sex, or dating, a girlfriend, then we guys are not making life work for us. If we’ve ever felt like a victim in our interactions with girls we’ve dated or most likely we have tried, attempted to date, then we too, haven’t been making life work for us. In both situations we have not been a “boyfriend material, hook-up material” type of guy. As much as I hate, despise, loathe it, these traits, attributes, qualities, habits branch beyond dating and relationships, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. Guys who are committed to always making life work for them are always asking themselves how they can improve their experience of any situation. If an effective seducer is on a business trip and gets caught in an airport for a 4-hour layover, he doesn’t whine or complain, get frustrated, pissed off about it, or if he does, he gets it over with quickly. He asks himself “How can I make this work for me?”, and he keeps on asking until he comes up with an answer that works for him. He may make calls that need to be made. He may set up his laptop and get some work done. He may find the airport bookshop and find a book he’s been meaning to read. He may even call phone sex on his cell phone from an empty bathroom wall(lol never in a public place).
A guy who always makes life work for him is willing to be outrageous to have that happen. He wants a life that he lives fully. When caught in the airport, he may set himself the goal of flirting with ten women and getting one to go out on a date with him, welcome his advances or hook-up. He decides the quality of experience he’s going to have, and creates his life to achieve it. If you are going to be a guy that is boyfriend material or extremely attractive to girls, women, you must do this too. Here are some of the questions an attractive, boyfriend material guy constantly asks himself: “How can I make this experience work for me?, What quality of experience am I committed to having, no matter what happens? What is a physical action I can take, right now, to create that experience for myself? What’s most important to me in this situation? How can I get that? What would make this situation most fun?”
By asking yourself these questions and committing to making life work for you rather than counting on other people, in this case, women to do it for you, you will become the kind of man women are most attracted to”
Look at all of the damn ****in’ work, chores, burdens we have to do in order to be successful with girls, women? To make ourself attractive? and I hate it when people say “you should want to do this, want to have these traits, qualities” well no I do not, but I have no choice, I will only do it because women find it attractive, not because I enjoy it.

 

[cheetoe80]

It looks like you're just editing john alanis' free emails and reposting them.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

close, but this is information from ron louis and david copeland.

 

[King_Oni]

Might I suggest that you edit the long pieces of text a bit for easy of reading? I'm not saying cutting it, but hitting enter here and there, an using paragraphs for it will probably increase the amount of readers to your posts.

Also, I wasn't aware it was a copy paste thing until Cheetoe80 pointed it out, thus I googled those names shortly. But I don't think they adress aspies or people on the spectrum that much, and thus there's and extra struggle you have going on, and I don't see how taking direct advice should help you at once there.

But that's just my 2 cents. I might be a bit jaded towards any "(self)help" literature because everyone is a case of it's own, and adding in a actual disorder just adds to a pile.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

I just posted those just to show how we guys have to work on ourselves a lot more than girls do in order to make ourselves attractive, desirable to the oppossite-sex.

 

[Arashi222]

I just posted those just to show how we guys have to work on ourselves a lot more than girls do in order to make ourselves attractive, desirable to the oppossite-sex.

I just have to politely disagree being a girl I think its just perceived differently but we do have to work hard to be desirable and attractive the opposite sex. its not something that comes easy I think for anyone its just that with AS we have something extra to have to work with.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

yeah but you women don't have to initiate anything, you don't need any of those traits, qualities, things that i mentioned in those big, long paragraphs.

 

[Arashi222]

yeah but you women don't have to initiate anything, you don't need any of those traits, qualities, things that i mentioned in those big, long paragraphs.

Sure we do its just not in the same way. I don't think its perceived in the same way between boys and girls. Sure we do its just not traits that are seen in the same way. I think its perception. As a girl I feel like guys often ignore me because I blend into the shadows I come off as childlike and am not as attractive as I wish I was. But having learned about myself enough that if it were to come down to it I would get someone who loves me and cares about me for who I am. That is what its important.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

but still you women get to have the final say, you just have to welcome or deny advances.

 

[Arashi222]

but still you women get to have the final say, you just have to welcome or deny advances.

Same goes for men. All they have to do is welcome or deny an advance. Its all about perception. I think personally its just harder for those of us with AS than NT's but dating and relationships are hard for everyone its just harder for us.

 

[popculturegeeknerd06]

how is it harder for women? logically speaking how is it harder for women? I got this from another book, unfortunately he is right, i copied and pasted, edited it "It’s okay for girls to want or need a boyfriend to complete them but never the other way around. Many guys and girls for that matter, view dating, relationships, having a boyfriend/girlfriend as something to fill the void in their lives. They think that once they get a boyfriend/girlfriend they will have “something to do”. If you have this mindset(and unfortuneately it only applies to guys) everything you say or do will drip with desperation rooted in the fact that you have no life, or one that you don’t enjoy. Loving your single life means that you have friends and hobbies, passions that you enjoy, and consider having a girl in your life as something nice to have, not a must-have. Guys with a vibrant single life are attractive to women who want to find out “what he’s all about”. Guys who haven’t been successful with girls for most of their lives or all of their lives usually aren’t very happy with other aspects of their lives(I beg to differ, not every guy). Over the years, guys can get caught in a vicious cycle of letting themselves go, physically and mentally, until they have very little chance or no chance at all at attracting the type of girls they prefer. After a few initial failures, rejections with girls, some guys retreat entirely from any form of social interaction, preferring to play video games, eat fast food every night, and addressing only the bare minimums of personal hygiene.
Guys who let their lives deteriorate to hermit status can’t simply memorize an opener and expect it to work. It takes more than a well-delivered opener to catch a girl’s attention, and it starts with loving the life you currently have. True, there are people who absolutely love playing video games all night, by themselves, surrounded by take-out containers. However, since your reading this, you probably don’t fall into that category, and hopefully you have the capacity to admit to yourself whether you are enjoying your life or think that your life can use some improvement.
If you don’t really like the life you have at the moment, all is not lost. There are steps you can take, small and large, to improve how you view yourself and your circumstances. Whether or not you have a lot of disposable income, the goal is to completely fill your life with so many activities you enjoy that you have got to figure out how to fit a girl into your life. You want to be or look in a position where you choose to get involved with someone because it might make your life even better.
Whatever you love to do, might love to do, or used to love to doing are all areas you should explore in your community. Log off the computer and open an alternative weekly paper from your area and find people, places, and events that match your interests. It can be difficult to connect with random people, but it can be significantly easier if you stack the odds in your favor by frequenting the places in which you enjoy doing what you love to do.(girls, women, don’t have to do this).
Loving your single life gives you much more confidence when meeting girls. Since you already love your life, you aren’t looking for a girl to ‘complete’ you, so you won’t be desperate for any particular interaction to lead to a phone number, date, or more. When you’re living and loving your life, girls always notice and they’re curious why you have such a good time doing everything you do."

Girls don't have to have this or have these things going for them

 

[cheetoe80]

Same goes for men. All they have to do is welcome or deny an advance. Its all about perception. I think personally its just harder for those of us with AS than NT's but dating and relationships are hard for everyone its just harder for us.

If there really are 30 year old girls who want to be in a relationship, look halfway decent, are functional enough to hold a job, and have only been on one date, I might have to rethink some things. Because even though you might actually be one, I honestly have difficulty believing that such a thing exists. I however know there are plenty of guys who are in shape and have a decent job and are in that sort of situation.

 

[King_Oni]

If there really are 30 year old girls who want to be in a relationship, look halfway decent, are functional enough to hold a job, and have only been on one date, I might have to rethink some things. Because even though you might actually be one, I honestly have difficulty believing that such a thing exists. I however know there are plenty of guys who are in shape and have a decent job and are in that sort of situation.

You are aware, that the "demands" you pose slim down the target group significantly? That is something statistically, it hasn't got a lot to do with a specific kind of woman. I mean, you can just as well demand someone to earn a 6 digit income, use pirate lingo and likes to go exploring in active vulcanoes. Yes, I'm exaggerating, I know.

I'm not trying to put you down by the criteria you pose, cause I understand those are "valid" points, yet it's just logical reasoning that kinda "reduces" chances if you put unrealistic expections on women that way. If a girl wants to be in a relationship and has to be on only one date, I'm kinda wondering why she has. And that way, reasoning goes a long way up the piont where I'm bound to say I wouldn't want to date a girl who doesn't go out on dates and sets a high standard to whomever she dates.

But again; I don't want to put you down... just pointing out chances and statistics.

 

[cheetoe80]

You are aware, that the "demands" you pose slim down the target group significantly? That is something statistically, it hasn't got a lot to do with a specific kind of woman. I mean, you can just as well demand someone to earn a 6 digit income, use pirate lingo and likes to go exploring in active vulcanoes. Yes, I'm exaggerating, I know.

I'm not trying to put you down by the criteria you pose, cause I understand those are "valid" points, yet it's just logical reasoning that kinda "reduces" chances if you put unrealistic expections on women that way. If a girl wants to be in a relationship and has to be on only one date, I'm kinda wondering why she has. And that way, reasoning goes a long way up the piont where I'm bound to say I wouldn't want to date a girl who doesn't go out on dates and sets a high standard to whomever she dates.

But again; I don't want to put you down... just pointing out chances and statistics.

one girl is statistically irrelevant, and of course her existence shouldn't influence my views.. but I don't even know there are that many, and if I were to encounter one locally, and there is one on this forum, then that would be something.