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Are there different levels of Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism?

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popculturegeeknerd06

Well-Known Member
Because I wonder if there are severe cases and mild cases, or are all the same, and I will be honest, I have never had a girlfriend before in my entire life, always been single, gotten rejected by the girls i asked out, talked to, it is very depressing, frustrating because 98 or 99.9 percent of people around my age have already experienced having their first boyfriend/girlfriend already, i just recently turned 24. But anyway, why do people say there is someone out there for everyone? how is that accurate? Anyway, as the title of my question says, are some levels of Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism way too severe, that it will be literally impossible for a guy to get a girlfriend? that some people in life, this world are meant to be alone, not have oppossite-sex companionship. Overall, i'm scared that maybe my Asperger Syndrome, or High-Function Autism may be too severe that in which it will make it impossible for me to overcome this, learn the social-skills, conversations-skills, flirting, etc. Obviously it hurts guys way more than girls because we guys always have to make the first move and approach the girl first, initiate everything, etc. Some inspiration, motivation would help please, if not, please just let me know the Cold Hard Truth.
 
If you've been rejected, and talked to those girls, did any of them perhaps tell you what they felt was wrong with you? That would give you something to work with. Sure, not all of them do it, but some might tell you stuff like "you're ugly", "I prefer someone who is mentally healthy" or whatever they throw at you. Don't let that put you down. I don't even know if you should blame AS for not landing a relationship, yes a lot of people on the spectrum have problems with it (or so I've heard), but a lot of neurotypical people are single because they can't find that person. No, not everyone will find that perfect person, but I doubt someone will never find someone that might be "fine". A common overlooked thing might be location. Heck, I'm currently halfway dating with a girl and she lives about 175 miles from where I live at the moment. So that kinda might be part of it... so I don't think there's not someone out there, but it might be the "where to look" thing. But I can say, dating is hard, and for people on the spectrum that might have a problem understanding certain (social) cues and such just makes it more difficult.

So, is there a difference in severity? I think so. But meh... just speaking from personal experience, I just try to be myself, if some girl thinks I'm cool like that, fine, we'll see where it goes, I in no way am trying to go the traditional route.

But back to severity... well, judging from your other post, you go to conventions, so you're not that socially awkward I guess. Do you talk to people there? And what about specifically women? If so, do you eventually exchange email? That's one way to start.

Also I don't think you should work your skills in a way that are way different from "you". A girl should like you for who you are. And if that's a quirky you, so be it.. believe me, it's way better if it takes time to date a girl who likes you for who you are and accepts any "weird" things you have. Just don't give up hope and stop looking... don't be afraid to fail, cause that'll get to most people in the long run.
 
I wouldn't worry so much about what's normal in that sense. Everyone works at different speeds, and most of the time it's just a game of chance. In my opinion, better to be single than with someone who isn't suitable.

I do think there are different levels as far as varying "mixups" and how well you can function. Or, well, different parts of the spectrum so to speak. Although I think with HFA/Asperger's, the basics are all across the board of coarse, but you can see just from posts- different people have different intensities of the traits.

As far as approaching the opposite sex (or same, depending on who you are), I won't say it's any easier on women...particuarly those with Asperger's. I have no idea how to meet guys and am extremely awkward in general (more aloof, though).
If a guy were to flirt with me, there's a 98% I'll miss it completely. The ONLY way I've managed to get dates is via the internet, which might be the route you want to go. I don't necessarily mean dating sites, just any site in general where you can talk to people. It's safer and easier and you don't have to mess with social anxieties and body languages, so you can get to know the person beforehand if you do meet.

I will suggest though that unless you're going on a dating site specifically, not to be forward with the dating thing on other sites. Talk to people as friends for a while and see where it goes. Be yourself and be honest, there's plenty of people out there.

I love the internet. :p
 
It's really hard to say what the problem is just by looking at you post. You might want to review your dating attempts, the way you communicate, the way women respond etc and try to see what the issue is, then you can try to discuss it with others, maybe they can give you some clues. At the moment there's not enough information.
 
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Well I have said this to myself for years now, I often feel that if I was born a girl, I would have had a boyfriend a long time ago, eventhough i'm straight, because girls don't have to initiate anything, as in they don't have to approach and start talking first, us guys have that burden, all girls have to do is welcome or deny advances. So I wonder if my level of Asperger Syndrome or High-Functioning Autism is too severe that it will make it impossible for me, that i will never be able to improve my social-skills, conversation-skills, flirting skills, no matter how hard i practice.
 
I talk to people at Conventions, but mostly guys, because there are more guys there than there are girls, because there are probably more male nerds, geeks out there than there are female nerds, geeks.
 
popculturegeeknerd06 said:
Well I have said this to myself for years now, I often feel that if I was born a girl, I would have had a boyfriend a long time ago, eventhough i'm straight, because girls don't have to initiate anything, as in they don't have to approach and start talking first, us guys have that burden, all girls have to do is welcome or deny advances. So I wonder if my level of Asperger Syndrome or High-Functioning Autism is too severe that it will make it impossible for me, that i will never be able to improve my social-skills, conversation-skills, flirting skills, no matter how hard i practice.
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I beg to differ, there's a lot of girls that will show initiative. But still, they don't take you by the hand and walk you through it. Even if they do, you should somewhat see cues... or at least, not be afraid to mess up, especially if you're that adamant of finding someone.

Still, I don't think your case is too severe, for what it's worth you're still interested in being social and finding someone of the opposite sex.

I always have this feeling people overthink the entire flirting and dating game too much. Yes, if you are way to shy to even talk to women, that is a problem, but if you're at least not that socially handicapped that you're unable to start a conversation with someone, despite their sex, I think it'll turn up fine.

Also, you might look into what Kasmanaft08 said, the internet is a way easier and forgiving place to look for a hook up, just don't go looking around with the premise of "Must.Find.Girl!" cause that'll make it more difficult I think. Try getting a hang of the social thing, talking to girls and such.

Also, I hope I don't appear to harsh. I can see your point and problem ^^
 
well i have difficulty with conversations, it's very easy for me to run out of things to talk about, for me it is the simple, basic stuff, like the simple introduction, such as "Hi, Hello, I'm Andrew, whats your name? How was your weekend? what did you do over the weekend? what specific type of music do you like? what do you like doing for fun?, How was your Christmas? New Years? Halloween?" Basically stuff like that is the simple stuff for me, others it's more complicated.
 
i really honestly, strongly feel that if i was born a girl, i would have had a boyfriend a very long time ago, i would have rather had loved and lost than to never have loved at all, it pisses me off that it is far more important for a guy to be secure, comfortable and content with himself than it is for a girl.
 
popculturegeeknerd06 said:
i really honestly, strongly feel that if i was born a girl, i would have had a boyfriend a very long time ago, i would have rather had loved and lost than to never have loved at all, it pisses me off that it is far more important for a guy to be secure, comfortable and content with himself than it is for a girl.
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not necessarily, I initiated most of the dates in the past. Even guys who were supposed to be at the top of their game were just standing there staring. At that time I wouldn't even think that guys like that could be insecure. Maybe it's different nowadays... I was married since 2002.

Why don't you look for a girl on-line, less issues, more choices, you can talk 1st before going on a date...things like that
 
being 24 and never had a girlfriend before, as in i have never been in a romantic relationship before, it is really depressing, frustrating, i feel i am one of very few people in this situation, c'mon, how many people do you know that are 24 or older that have never had a girlfriend/boyfriend before, still a virgin? i bet nobody on here knows any one that is like that, or did not get their first boyfriend/girlfriend until 24 or older.
 
popculturegeeknerd06 said:
c'mon, how many people do you know that are 24 or older that have never had a girlfriend/boyfriend before, still a virgin? i bet nobody on here knows any one that is like that, or did not get their first boyfriend/girlfriend until 24 or older.
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You're not alone.
 
I really doubt you know everyone in the world just for arguments sake. So for what it's worth, if anyone know some friend of his who is age X and is single... how much proof is that?

Here's proof from my part, on that behalf... my ex girlfriend was single AND still a virgin, until we hooked up. She was 22 at the time (yes, that's not 24, but at least it's somewhere along the lines of examples) on top of that she initiated we should hook up, and not me.
 
popculturegeeknerd06 said:
being 24 and never had a girlfriend before, as in i have never been in a romantic relationship before, it is really depressing, frustrating, i feel i am one of very few people in this situation, c'mon, how many people do you know that are 24 or older that have never had a girlfriend/boyfriend before, still a virgin? i bet nobody on here knows any one that is like that, or did not get their first boyfriend/girlfriend until 24 or older.
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Its no big deal. I know someone in that same situation. And its probably better to wait to start dating until about 25 or 26 anyway because immature relationships just end in disaster.
 
King_Oni said:
I really doubt you know everyone in the world just for arguments sake. So for what it's worth, if anyone know some friend of his who is age X and is single... how much proof is that?

Here's proof from my part, on that behalf... my ex girlfriend was single AND still a virgin, until we hooked up. She was 22 at the time (yes, that's not 24, but at least it's somewhere along the lines of examples) on top of that she initiated we should hook up, and not me.
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she made the first move? she started the first conversation between you too? asked you out?
 
i would rather have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, and i worried that i will still be single at age 26 or 26, i don't want to get my first girlfriend at a late age, i flat-out refuse
 
I dont want to sound whiney but I just thought you should know that Im 19 years old. I've been engaged to get married, we broke up and got back together 3 times total. Love turns into hate, and hate turns into mild alcoholism pretty damn quick :lol:

I understand what you're saying but it's beneficial that you're not throwing yourself around to every girl. If a chick is a great match for you then you've probably skipped 24 years of un-needed heartache and went straight to the real deal :)
 
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