I didn't find that at all offensive, and nor do I think your situation is hopeless, but two things are absolutely essential: Firstly, stop listening to your family, or indeed anyone else. Secondly, start focussing entirely on your boyfriend, because much of what you are saying here indicates a fairly poor understanding of how autism works in a person rather than as a theory.
I would say that by and large, you may be better to simply recognise that the relationship is too problematic and to cut your losses right now rather than try to make it work, because it will be a lot of work. And perhaps that means that you need to be more honest with yourself about what you want and why you want it than you may have ever been before. You describe a disparity of function and need that it will clearly be hard to change - and it is you who will have to change, because by the nature of the autism spectrum, your boyfriend really can't, even if he wants to.
You talk about his behaviours and reactions as if he has some control over them, and in reality he doesn't. He very likely won't be interested in your day or what you are passionate about, and when you talk about how he faces considerable discrimination, you can't even know a tiny fraction of it. It isn't at all about being Jewish or disabled, it's about growing up autistic and living his life autistic. We are not accepted by society at large, and mostly entirely rejected by it unless we pretend to be like you - which most of us try, but is very, very draining and confusing to us. Try and imagine that you are an alien from another planet, trying to live amongst us undetected, yet still having to lead a normal life as if you were one of us, just the same as everyone else. Every minute of every day.
That's what being on the spectrum is like to many of us. We can't be ourselves, yet we don't really know how to be you.
The reason this is difficult is that if left to our own devices, alone, we can be ourselves, but in a relationship, we can't. Yet we are (typically) very black and white, we are very logical and mostly quite unemotional, we do take things literally - and we mean things very literally too - and we don't get jokes. We don't understand social situations and social cues and 'norms'. Thus when your sister or roommate joke with him and he takes it seriously, it is not him being in the wrong for his reaction, but them being in the wrong for totally failing to recognise that he isn't like them and doesn't understand.
And that is what you have to do if you want to save the relationship - you have to understand him, how his mind works, what his strengths are, how he processes. Until you are able to do that, you are in constant danger of mistaking him and his actions.
For example, you say that when you raise your needs, he gets defensive and makes you feel like it's your fault or responsibility, yet you don't know whether he is even able to process what you're saying to him. If your needs are so different from his, which seems very probable, he may not even know where to start in working out what you mean, and the sense you have of him pushing back on you may be nothing more than his way of trying to get you to clarify things in his terms so he can process, rather than your terms when he can't.
To make the relationship work, you have to set aside almost everything you know about how relationships work, and discover how this one does. It will be very different. The disparity in emotional energy is an example of how hard this could be. Some of us are quite accessible on an emotional level, but if your boyfriend isn't, you can't make him function in that way, because he just doesn't have that in him. If that is the case, he likely has no way to respond as you might hope to your emotional states, and may simply not even understand them. Your emotional input may cause him overload, or just confusion, so you will certainly need to recalibrate how you communicate on that level, and readjust your expectations of him.
And all this is just to get the relationship back to a stable foundation. After that, it will take a great deal of hard work.
All that said, while the picture is quite bleak, relationships with those of us on the spectrum can be very rewarding once you figure out how to make it work. But right now it's up to you to decide if you are prepared to try.
