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Featured Annoying Sounds

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by sisselcakes, Jun 18, 2018.

  1. sisselcakes

    sisselcakes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I wasn't sure which forum made the most sense for this question, so I chose this one.

    Quick question. Can people on the spectrum be sensitive to certain noises/sounds? My boyfriend gets very agitated when I clear my throat (which is related to allergies and I don't even notice I'm doing it); but he doesn't seem particularly sensitive to loud noises per se, which I understood can be grating to aspies. Am I misunderstanding this? He will give me a warning by saying "noises", and sometimes I can tell he's on the verge of losing it.

    Last night we went to bed late and he was tired. I didn't even realize I was making the "noises" when he said tersely, "What's wrong with you? You need to see a doctor. Stop with the noises!"

    I was taken aback and hurt. Then we exchanged some harsh words. I was so angry about it but later started wondering if he might be more sensitive to certain sounds that most people can tune out???

    He has very little insight into his aspie quirks/traits (or at least he doesn't share them with me), so lots of times I'm trying to go back and piece things together without his input. His reaction just seemed so out of proportion to the annoyance.
     
  2. LucyPurrs

    LucyPurrs NT, INFJ V.I.P Member

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    Short answer is YES. Aspies can be sensitive to certain noises and it's different for each person so you might ask about any other sensitivities so you are aware of them. My friend does not like to hear people drinking- I assume he's referring to gulping noises and I don't like them either.
     
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  3. sisselcakes

    sisselcakes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Wow. Thank you. This might clear up a lot of things.
     
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  4. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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  5. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I find the sound of gum chewing annoying. However I rise above it and tune out as it's unreasonable to expect others to be able to behave just as I prefer. Maybe you could point out to him that Aspies have advanced abilities to detach so why doesn't he do so?
     
  6. WittyAspie

    WittyAspie The One And Only V.I.P Member

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    His overreaction was probably a result of the aforementioned sensitivity to sound combined with being really tired. We can all be a little snappy when we're too tired. I'm not saying it's right; I'm just saying we've all been there.
     
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  7. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    Yes - it's quite common. I can't stand people whistling, for example, and if anyone whistles in my presence, I will immediately ask them to stop.
    Misophonia - Wikipedia
    When he is asking you to stop, he is most likely frustrated and trying to solve a problem, not trying to offend you. I think you need to stop being offended by such things, when it is not personal and no offense is intended. He doesn't know what you are thinking in your head, or what affect his words might have on you. As for his tone of voice, that's something that he might be able to improve and needs to work on, and which you can help him with.
     
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  8. Iamnotarabot

    Iamnotarabot Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Its not only about loud sound, its just sound in general.

    I can't make a general statement but for instance , for me , a lot of the times it is a low sound that i am hyper sensitive too, but I have that with smell aswell...

    Many times low sounds just catch my attention very easely, and it can pisses me off.


    But you know its like life in general, you dont know everything that you are sensitive too until you get into that situation , and yet this is modified by stress, fatigue , etc...


    For instance when I was a kid/teenager I couldnt stand the sound of my mother singing and now I regret it because I know she stopped doing it and I realized that I also do that often so I should have make an effort.

    It also pisses me off to hear someone caughting or clearing his throat a lot. Or sneezing too much.
     
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  9. Luvvinim

    Luvvinim Active Member

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    Certain sounds make me flinch and cover my ears. Kids high pitched squealing, banging of coffee making equipment in cafes, plates & cutlery banging on metal tables, bottles in Wetherspoons etc being chucked into big bottle bin. Somebody was playing castanets the other day in same room as me and they had the same effect.
     
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  10. Mary Anne

    Mary Anne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I cannot stand: Screaming kids, loud playing kids, playgrounds, basketball courts, basketball dribbling, yelling; cracking knuckles; coughing; sneezing; whistling; nail cutting with clippers; continuous coughing and clearing throat, snoring; fidgeting; clicking; tapping/ rapping fingers against hard surfaces; loud computer key typing; gum chewing/popping; cheap headphones- where I can hear your music playing; booming bass on passing cars; rustling snack bags, slurping sodas with straws, loud swallowing sounds; crunching/ munching of snacks, and hard foods (like carrots, nuts, or granola bars) all strongly annoy me, or make me flee the scene whenever possible. People with nasal problems where I can hear them take every single breath. Of course emergency vehicle sirens, jack hammers, construction sounds, and the backing up sounds of commercial vehicles all add to my misery.
     
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2018
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  11. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    Yes, I find a door not closed properly and the sound it makes to drive me crazy. Or when my husband is clicking with his teeth as he is chewing on a pencil. The thing is, because I know I am very annoying too, it is hard for me to be too vocal as I hate the idea of being hypocritical.

    Unfortunately, when sounds are annoying, the voice is not gentle in asking for it to stop, but for me, I feel so blessed, as my therapist has given me some medicine to calm my anger issues down and goodness me, truly works. I no longer have a huge ball of red that builds up inside of me and it is such a relief and thus, in fact, when there could be numerous arguments, they have fizzled out due to my blaze attitude.
     
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  12. Tessie Burton

    Tessie Burton Active Member V.I.P Member

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    Mary Anne,
    I'm the same way. I carry ear plugs wherever I go along with a small paper sack in case a panic attack ensues.
     
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  13. Jim Lee

    Jim Lee Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I recognized my misophonia at an early age, probably 9 or 10 years old. It further complicates having AS. It's practically impossible to explain this to others. So, I never go to movie theaters (people talk, eat popcorn loudly and slurp drinks). I skip restaurants that have a lot of kids or loud music. If I go to a gym, it has to have a walking track far away from the basketball court and the sound of dribbling the ball. Luckily for me I have an understanding wife and live in a neighborhood with few barking dogs.
     
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  14. carly409

    carly409 New Member

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    Oh yes. I have a friend who can't sit close by anyone because he can't stand to hear their breathing. In school he wore sound blocking headphones. I myself don't like to hear people sniffing. I don't know why, it just is veyr irritating.
     
  15. Pinecones

    Pinecones Well-Known Member

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    There are two sides to this coin.
    I don't agree that you simply shouldn't feel offended or hurt when he snaps at you. We ALL have a responsibility to learn how to communicate effectively, use tact, and generally be kind and sensitive to others, though that responsibility is VERY relative to situation. But when it's a significant other, there is a top priority there.

    Have you tried opening up a channel of communication with him about these things? I think it's wonderful that you're striving to understand him and be respectful of his natural aversions and disposition. He, likewise, should strive to do the same.

    I like to share input in the form of personal experience, so here we go. I have a few quirks like this. The sound of my father's chewing boils my blood. If we're eating together I will either wait until he's done, or I will serve myself first, inhale my food, and excuse myself before he starts eating. I CANNOT cope with the sound. My blood pressure shoots up, I feel angry, and every fiber of my being screams "Make the sound stop" and it's very hard to remain calm and relaxed. This isn't much of a problem though, considering I've been moved out for nearly a decade and don't feel subjected to it anymore. I will note that I never said anything to him, never lost my marbles or anything. He can't change the INSANE NOISES his mouth makes while eating, so it's my job to remove myself from the annoyance, not try and make others bend to my aversions.
    Another example is the sloppy slurping sound dogs make when licking their lips. I love my dogs. I love my animals. But THAT SOUND. And now I've got a 130lb mastiff in my life who not only has to constantly re-adjust his lips and seems like he sometimes swallows his tongue, but also loves to give himself a good slupr-tastic licking that can last for minutes. My heartrate spikes, my muscles jump, my chest tightens, and I have to just breathe through it. I can't get upset at a dog for being a dog, I have to learn how to cope with it successfully, that is MY responsibility. It is NOT okay to take it out on someone or something, even if the agitation is pushing you to the edge.

    An example of a person-to-person sound annoyance/aversion; when I'm extremely tired or focused I get very agitated when people talk to me. Some people get chattier when they get tired. My unconscious thought is "can't you see I'm busy/not in the mood? Would you stop already?"
    I bunch up physically and wait for them to PLEASE STOP, getting more and more tense. But I get better and better about reversing myself and making myself communicate; because I know to indulge in the tension will lead to anxiety, panic, catatonia, dissociation, or some other meltdown. And I don't like going there.
    When my partner is "pestering" me (which he has no way of knowing that his normal behavior is suddenly bothersome to me at this moment), I do my best to communicate. Sometimes it comes across snappy- when I realize that I apologize because I don't want to take it out on anyone and I regret doing so. However, I can find it difficult to explain what's going on. I wish people would take my words literally, not look for meaning in them. When I say "This is irking me right now, please stop. Normally it's fine, it's just right now I can't deal with it" They take that to mean "Never do this again", which I TRIED REALLY HARD to convey that that's NOT what I'm saying. I'm still trying to find ways of explaining what's happening effectively...

    I can be extra sensitive when I'm over tired. I think that's common. I don't want to talk or think or engage, I want to close my eyes and SLEEP. And when other people are involved, sometimes they get "in the way" of that goal.

    Sometimes it's not even "that one noise" or something predictable. Sometimes I'm just so worn down that EVERYTHING is going to annoy me. Some nights the sound of the wind, or of cars, the sound of rain, or the dogs snoring- or sometimes even my OWN BREATHING annoy the crud out of me and get me grinding my teeth. If it's really bad (which is rare) I wear ear plugs to bed and it's like heaven- the most amazing thing to have ever happened. Silence.

    The most common annoyances are dripping noises (I developed that after having a leaky roof for 3 years, now my blood pressure shoots up when I hear dripping water in the house). Rhythmic sounds like clocks, drips, taps, etc. Non-rhythmic noises like cars, wind, or other constant but erratic noises. Rumbling, buzzing, or electronic noises. SNORING (though I try to retrain my thoughts; "awe, the snoring means their having a good, fulfilling, much deserved sleep and I'm happy for them", which usually doesn't work but it calms me down trying to see it in a different perspective). Smells that shouldn't be there, or other sensory indications that my environment is not as it should be. Warm air on my face. Air movement on my face (fan, breath, or wind) <- especially breath on my face! Constant fidgeting of people or animals in the room when I'm trying to go to sleep (which is hypocritical since I'm the queen of fidgets). When I'm feeling extra sensitive and multiple factor compound, it can be hard to think clearly and not just react to them.

    I think it's admirable that you're working with him and accommodating! :D But it has to work both ways. Your pain is not invalid, and his sensitivities do not cancel out your sensitivities. Work together on this. Encourage him to communicate, encourage a compassionate exchange, and mutually come up with some "key words" (something he can do or say to let you know easily and urgently that something needs to STOP NOW) and some escape plans; ear plugs, a safe, quiet room, etc.
     
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2018
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  16. abby normal

    abby normal Well-Known Member

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    the sounds of chainsaws/whiny 2-stroke engines, whiny country music, and worst of all, droning rap music.
     
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  17. Observant

    Observant Active Member

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    Children screaming or yelling does make me cringe (Part of the reason why I don't want kids), but I have an especially strong dislike for loud vehicles, especially if they have an inconsiderate owner.

    Oddly enough, electronic sounds such as radio signals are relaxing to me.
     
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2018
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  18. Mary Anne

    Mary Anne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Oh you just mentioned the gym. My new job gives me a health club membership so that I can take the clients for exercise. Walk the track 10 laps and I am forced to walk above the screaming kids playing basketball for 45 minutes! It was awful. I will definitely need to bring my ear plugs next time.
     
  19. Breezy

    Breezy Member

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    i hate the screeching chairs and desks of public schools, phone notifications sounds , yelling, fire alarms, timers.
     
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  20. Karen S.

    Karen S. Active Member

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    For Me. it's the Sound and the Smell. I've pretty much trained my siblings not to chew it near me and my parents, thankfully never were into it. It just sucks the air out of the room, it suffocates me! The Dog we had growing up hated it too, so whenever a visitor came chewing gum, we would both leave the room, Quickly!
     
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