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Honestly, while certain noises do irritate me, I believe a noise that someone keeps making (e.g. your throat clearing) would irritate most people, neurotypicals and aspies alike. Neurotypicals have complained to me about my knuckle cracking, grunts/sighs when I sit down, and other things. If you are constantly clearing your throat, my guess is that he is irritated because he is your boyfriend and is with you a lot. A neurotypical boyfriend might also say something about it. Both neurotypicals and those of us on the spectrum have idiosyncrasies that only tend to annoy those that are around us the most. The only thing about this that I would consider related to him being on the spectrum is the abrupt and unsubtle way that he let you know it was irritating him.
 
A relative of mine has a bit of a nervous habit and will clear her throat repeatedly if getting a bit wound up.

It doesn’t annoy me (I count the number of times out of sheer curiosity)

I do have to switch on the radio (classical music) at meal times,

I can’t eat if I have to listen to others crunching and breathing through their mouth and churning their food up with saliva open mouthed and loudly, that wet noise.

Is there a word that describes that actual noise?
 
Munch, crunch, guzzle, gobble, slurp, snarf?
Probably not "nom nom nom."
nom-nom-clipart-12.jpg
 
Yes, yes and yes.

I have super sensitive hearing. I can hear a baby cry from 3 houses away. If there's a sound that gets to me then I'll focus entirely on it and won't be able to get it out of my head.

It's not just sounds, movement and touch too. A guy at work used to jiggle his leg and make the floor vibrate. It drove me nuts and I swear if the office windows could open I would have thrown him out. I guess they are sealed shut for a reason... Anyway, I politely asked him to stop and glared at him every time he did it. He eventually stopped and now avoids me in the corridors.

However, part of that is me being a jerk. I only let it go that far because I could. There are plenty of other sounds and textures which I've just learnt to live with. Ultimately it's my problem and I should just suck it up and get on with it. That's perfectly possible. So yes this is a real thing, but as with all things compromise is possible, and if it can be nipped in the bud before it becomes "a thing" then all the better.

An alternative coping mechanism is to do something worse :). Get a yappy dog or a squeeky hamster wheel. Or a fan that hums. Pretty soon the more annoying noise will be front and centre and the cough will pale into insignificance.
 
... or start scratching things with your fingernails, or "sniff" a lot, or hum annoying tunes... so many alternatives...
 
...Quick question. Can people on the spectrum be sensitive to certain noises/sounds?....

My mama says when I was a baby, I cried every time she tried to sing to me. I still have a rough time hearing her sing. My daughter used to make the most nerve wracking annoying sound, I couldn't stand it. Water bottles crackling, or repetitive noises, like the toddler blowing a duck call, a whistle, or "playing" some musical instrument off key, really bothers me. ???
 
Certain noises are a real problem. For me it's ticking noises, loud talkers, food smackers and for some reason the way most newswomen sound when reporting the news. Their voices sound like razor blades slicing my ears.
 
Certain noises are a real problem. For me it's ticking noises, loud talkers, food smackers and for some reason the way most newswomen sound when reporting the news. Their voices sound like razor blades slicing my ears.
.
Well, when they’re spreading their Fake News Propaganda, they can sound rather Shrill!!
 
Yes, I find a door not closed properly and the sound it makes to drive me crazy. Or when my husband is clicking with his teeth as he is chewing on a pencil. The thing is, because I know I am very annoying too, it is hard for me to be too vocal as I hate the idea of being hypocritical.

Unfortunately, when sounds are annoying, the voice is not gentle in asking for it to stop, but for me, I feel so blessed, as my therapist has given me some medicine to calm my anger issues down and goodness me, truly works. I no longer have a huge ball of red that builds up inside of me and it is such a relief and thus, in fact, when there could be numerous arguments, they have fizzled out due to my blaze attitude.

God, I wish he would take meds! LOL

I'm on medications for ADHD and depression, so I know their value. But he won't even consider it, so we have to look for other solutions for his low frustration tolerance (anger) and anxiety. Last night I was having a fit of throat clearing and I realized I can get the same effect by coughing instead, so I asked him which noise was less annoying. He said the cough, so that's my new strategy! See, we can figure things out if we just keep at it! :)
 
There are two sides to this coin.
I don't agree that you simply shouldn't feel offended or hurt when he snaps at you. We ALL have a responsibility to learn how to communicate effectively, use tact, and generally be kind and sensitive to others, though that responsibility is VERY relative to situation. But when it's a significant other, there is a top priority there.

Have you tried opening up a channel of communication with him about these things? I think it's wonderful that you're striving to understand him and be respectful of his natural aversions and disposition. He, likewise, should strive to do the same.

I like to share input in the form of personal experience, so here we go. I have a few quirks like this. The sound of my father's chewing boils my blood. If we're eating together I will either wait until he's done, or I will serve myself first, inhale my food, and excuse myself before he starts eating. I CANNOT cope with the sound. My blood pressure shoots up, I feel angry, and every fiber of my being screams "Make the sound stop" and it's very hard to remain calm and relaxed. This isn't much of a problem though, considering I've been moved out for nearly a decade and don't feel subjected to it anymore. I will note that I never said anything to him, never lost my marbles or anything. He can't change the INSANE NOISES his mouth makes while eating, so it's my job to remove myself from the annoyance, not try and make others bend to my aversions.
Another example is the sloppy slurping sound dogs make when licking their lips. I love my dogs. I love my animals. But THAT SOUND. And now I've got a 130lb mastiff in my life who not only has to constantly re-adjust his lips and seems like he sometimes swallows his tongue, but also loves to give himself a good slupr-tastic licking that can last for minutes. My heartrate spikes, my muscles jump, my chest tightens, and I have to just breathe through it. I can't get upset at a dog for being a dog, I have to learn how to cope with it successfully, that is MY responsibility. It is NOT okay to take it out on someone or something, even if the agitation is pushing you to the edge.

An example of a person-to-person sound annoyance/aversion; when I'm extremely tired or focused I get very agitated when people talk to me. Some people get chattier when they get tired. My unconscious thought is "can't you see I'm busy/not in the mood? Would you stop already?"
I bunch up physically and wait for them to PLEASE STOP, getting more and more tense. But I get better and better about reversing myself and making myself communicate; because I know to indulge in the tension will lead to anxiety, panic, catatonia, dissociation, or some other meltdown. And I don't like going there.
When my partner is "pestering" me (which he has no way of knowing that his normal behavior is suddenly bothersome to me at this moment), I do my best to communicate. Sometimes it comes across snappy- when I realize that I apologize because I don't want to take it out on anyone and I regret doing so. However, I can find it difficult to explain what's going on. I wish people would take my words literally, not look for meaning in them. When I say "This is irking me right now, please stop. Normally it's fine, it's just right now I can't deal with it" They take that to mean "Never do this again", which I TRIED REALLY HARD to convey that that's NOT what I'm saying. I'm still trying to find ways of explaining what's happening effectively...

I can be extra sensitive when I'm over tired. I think that's common. I don't want to talk or think or engage, I want to close my eyes and SLEEP. And when other people are involved, sometimes they get "in the way" of that goal.

Sometimes it's not even "that one noise" or something predictable. Sometimes I'm just so worn down that EVERYTHING is going to annoy me. Some nights the sound of the wind, or of cars, the sound of rain, or the dogs snoring- or sometimes even my OWN BREATHING annoy the crud out of me and get me grinding my teeth. If it's really bad (which is rare) I wear ear plugs to bed and it's like heaven- the most amazing thing to have ever happened. Silence.

The most common annoyances are dripping noises (I developed that after having a leaky roof for 3 years, now my blood pressure shoots up when I hear dripping water in the house). Rhythmic sounds like clocks, drips, taps, etc. Non-rhythmic noises like cars, wind, or other constant but erratic noises. Rumbling, buzzing, or electronic noises. SNORING (though I try to retrain my thoughts; "awe, the snoring means their having a good, fulfilling, much deserved sleep and I'm happy for them", which usually doesn't work but it calms me down trying to see it in a different perspective). Smells that shouldn't be there, or other sensory indications that my environment is not as it should be. Warm air on my face. Air movement on my face (fan, breath, or wind) <- especially breath on my face! Constant fidgeting of people or animals in the room when I'm trying to go to sleep (which is hypocritical since I'm the queen of fidgets). When I'm feeling extra sensitive and multiple factor compound, it can be hard to think clearly and not just react to them.

I think it's admirable that you're working with him and accommodating! :D But it has to work both ways. Your pain is not invalid, and his sensitivities do not cancel out your sensitivities. Work together on this. Encourage him to communicate, encourage a compassionate exchange, and mutually come up with some "key words" (something he can do or say to let you know easily and urgently that something needs to STOP NOW) and some escape plans; ear plugs, a safe, quiet room, etc.

OMG. Your description of your dad's eating and the dogs drinking cracked me up. I can actually relate to this even though I'm not on the spectrum. My mother sniffs when she's eating and I feel like reaching across the table and wrapping my hands around her neck. LOL.

We all have our limits, but perhaps people on the spectrum can be more sensitive because of the sensory issues. Good news is (as I wrote to someone earlier), I noticed the need to clear my throat a lot last night and we came up with an alternative. My coughing is just as effective for me and it's less annoying to him.

He does meet me halfway. When I've asked him in the past to not do something, he'll stop. Perhaps these same issue would arise in a relationship between NT's. I don't have a ton of past experience. It just seems the ASD adds a whole layer to everything.

Thanks for your response.
 
For Me. it's the Sound and the Smell. I've pretty much trained my siblings not to chew it near me and my parents, thankfully never were into it. It just sucks the air out of the room, it suffocates me! The Dog we had growing up hated it too, so whenever a visitor came chewing gum, we would both leave the room, Quickly!

After reading people's personal aversions to noises, I realize that we NT's feel the same way about certain noises, but I think the difference is we have a higher tolerance to sensory input. That's my guess, at least. When I'm getting to the point I can no longer take any more of a sound or someone chatting pointlessly, I can distract myself (to an extent). I'm wondering if that's harder for people on the spectrum to do.

I have a co-worker who likes to chat about how the weekend was or what our plans for the weekend are. I DON'T CARE. I find it pointless and a waste of time and it drives me crazy. I want to get back to my work, but I just chalk it up as a nicety I have to go through for office harmony, so as I see her approaching I take a deep breath, prep myself mentally and commit to a few minutes of this small talk. Then I'll try to cut it off at an opportune moment!
 
Certain noises are a real problem. For me it's ticking noises, loud talkers, food smackers and for some reason the way most newswomen sound when reporting the news. Their voices sound like razor blades slicing my ears.

Wow- razor blades. That's pretty painful!
 
I recognized my misophonia at an early age, probably 9 or 10 years old. It further complicates having AS. It's practically impossible to explain this to others. So, I never go to movie theaters (people talk, eat popcorn loudly and slurp drinks). I skip restaurants that have a lot of kids or loud music. If I go to a gym, it has to have a walking track far away from the basketball court and the sound of dribbling the ball. Luckily for me I have an understanding wife and live in a neighborhood with few barking dogs.

I never knew the scientific word for it- misophonia. Thanks for sharing that and your experience. It's good you are aware so you can avoid certain activities and places, but I'm sure you sometimes get stuck in situations where you may not be able to control for it. If that happens, what do you do to cope? Is there anything that works?
 
That's my guess, at least. When I'm getting to the point I can no longer take any more of a sound or someone chatting pointlessly, I can distract myself (to an extent). I'm wondering if that's harder for people on the spectrum to do.
Yes, I think it is, and that's part of the problem. It's harder for us to tune unwanted or irritating noise out.
 
My understanding is that it's pretty common for aspies to be sensitive to certain sounds. I am very sensitive to certain noises, like high pitched noises, very low pitch noises (like bass, especially annoying car bass), electrical buzzing (from lights or the TV), dogs barking which I have a very hard time tuning out. I also find it hard to tune out all the noise when I'm in a crowded restaurant, so it's harder to hear the person I'm with. Just one reason why I don't really like crowded restaurants or crowded places.
 
I too make nasal noises that used to drive my mum crazy. Hubby jokes about it, and will tell people how horrible it is, but never tells me to stop doing it. I don’t know the reasoning, still on the enormously long wait list for ENT. (Mind you I’ve been doing this since childhood and I’m now 35).

I have 4 kids all with ADHD or suspected ADHD and they ALL make annoying repetitive noises. Buzzing, beeping, mumbling, groaning, whooping, trilling, hollering, squealing, repeating words over and over. And sometimes they do it all at the same time!!! At those times I absolutely lose it! If I don’t remove myself from the situation hubby will tell me to go because he knows I’m going to completely blow my top.
 
I’m also terrified of balloons. Don’t want them anywhere near me. Ever. Unfortunately my friends and family think it’s funny to tease me with them.
 
Does the paper bag actually help? I get panicky sometimes too and had never thought about that.
So sorry sisselcakes. I'm only now seeing your question in relation to "panic attack". It's been a few years (5 this last May) since I had an attack. Luckily I was in the doctors office when it happened. The nurse ran, grabbed a bag, told me to breathe into it. It slowed my breathing down and took care of the attack like a champ. So yes. It will work. I'll never be without one again. Btw, a lunch bag size should suffice should an attack ensue.
 

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