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Am I getting ignored on dating apps because I have aspergers?also talking about myself

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Turbocks, Nov 22, 2020.

  1. Turbocks

    Turbocks Well-Known Member

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    So a while ago I was interested in trying some dating apps to see if I might be able to find success in the world of online dating.

    I did read several guides on online dating before starting and I made sure to have a selfie of me , a detailed well written description of myself talking about my hobbies but also most importantly what qualities and abilities I expect from the girls dating me especially if it's a neurotypical girl which in most cases it is.

    So I have tried messaging girls several times on various dating apps with a well written and detailed message supposed to get her attention but I have never gotten a response and the closest I ever got was a girl browsing my profile yet never writing anything.

    Perhaps I should try getting some better photos and more of them and I do have a tripod at home I can use.

    As for myself I am a 19 year old aspie teen with that stereotypically nerdy look , glasses ,chubby , not very physically active, I hate sports ,I love my aquarium fish along with other animals and learning about them.

    I have no desire to get strong, go on the gym or get a six pack which many guy's won't get during their lifetime anyways because they spend their days on the sofa playing video games , sleeping an eating.

    I also want to stray away from that toxic macho culture because I used to adhere to it at one point until my mid teens 15-16 such as "B o Ys DoNt CrY" or "It'S Ok To UsE violence and aggression for everything"
    I still have anger management issues related to online games which is usually Pokemon Showdown because I am a sore loser even to the point of beating myself up to the point of bruises such as on my kneecaps.

    Eventually once after I finish high school which will happen in a month I will make sure to visit a psychologist to find a way to fix my anger issues and other underlying issues even the unseen ones.

    But sometimes I feel that the very reason I keep on getting rejected is because of my physical appearance and the fact that I have autism ,it's true that it can be hard work but if my future partner is willing give me a chance to help me with my problems and if I help her out I would be happy.

    I tend to be somewhat reserved not opening up to just any person because I am not always sure whether I can trust them or if they will stab me in the back when I least expect it.

    I also don't like people who do things such as abusing me verbally then later on denying it and lying their face off when confronted especially in front of others and then they deflect the accusation back at me because they are scumbags,I have experienced the emotional pain of dealing with these types of crooks from certain teachers at school and sometimes at home.

    So the last thing I want from a potential date is a girl doing that and using it on a regular basis.

    Currently I have no plans to start trying it again and in fact once I have my life situation sorted out such as a work from home job ,I will get a house of my own far away from the nearest neighbours especially if they hate noise .

    I will eventually get myself a smaller parrot(Hahn's macaw ,Quakers ,a budgie) that can fullfill all my social needs for 10- 30 years or so because I don't trust everyone especially not neurotypicals outside of my family and friends and I want to be alone most of the day except for the bird and me .

    Eventually once I am ready and when I have had birds for many years as a way to prepare myself I want to adopt a young child around mental age of the typical parrot which is around 2-3 years of age ,I know it will be a hard and bumpy rollercoaster ride especially in the beginning but I also know it will be filled with love and joy as well as sadness and the occasional temper tantrums + the sleepless nights.

    This text is getting quite long so I will stop here , what do you think?
     
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  2. Esa

    Esa Well-Known Member

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    I think making plans in life is often the fastest route to major disappointments. Flexibility is essential. Challenging, yet essential.

    I also think you having Asperger’s may be ONE of the reasons why you don’t know the reasons you keep getting ignored on dating apps. But there are more likely scenarios. People find different things attractive. Physical appearance can be the first thing they look at but I know it’s not always true. I fell the hardest for someone I wouldn’t recognize on the street. It happens. If people ignore you for the way you look, you can see it as a good thing because it filters out the people you don’t need in your life. Looks change. Looks fade. It’s also subjective. I get uncomfortable around people who focus highly on beauty. I find it shallow. And it is.

    Fortunately, you’re still too young to have known enough people to give up on everyone. Please don’t get discouraged by jerks, yet. You’ll have plenty of time for that :)

    People get ignored, exploited, abused, and so on. All the time. Everywhere.

    The same way you have specific expectations and wishes (probably also limits) other people have them, too.

    Dating apps are horrible because it gives people the illusion -maybe just strengthen the already existing illusion- that we are entitled to choose people based on things that we would find unfair and wrong when the roles are reversed. Like everyone’s at our disposal for us to evaluate them for a part in our lives. As if they don’t have lives of their own, and they’re just waiting to be picked from a catalogue of a casting agency. And we want to be “the one” for them?! Utter nonsense. People finding anything meaningful on those apps are probably finding it DESPITE the nature and the purpose of those apps.


    It’s easy to categorize people the way it suits us and our way of thinking. But I strongly disagree with most statements that clearly support categorizing people as either with or without autism.
    Give it time and you may discover that there are people on the spectrum who are also scumbags.

    I removed some of the paragraphs here and there. I hope it still makes sense, though.

    P.S. exercise is great for the release of certain chemicals in your brain. Not just to look a certain way, but to feel a certain way mostly, you could give it a go without going to a gym.
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2020
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  3. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Think you need to realize physical attraction is just part of the pic. There are a lot of other things that you will consider as you mature more. l say volunteer at the humane society or nonprofit animal shelter place. There are moms and teenagers there working and making friends. Try for friendship first maybe.
     
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  4. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Independence is attractive. So, it's okay to have plans or not to have plans. But either way, there has to be the idea that you are able to fend for yourself. Being able to have enough of a job to feed yourself and pay bills for the place you live in on your own- this will help attract some women to you.
     
  5. Esa

    Esa Well-Known Member

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    Was this reply meant for me? I don’t get it.

    And, most men (and women) are wrong about something. Women don’t need to use men for sex. Most women don’t even experience proper orgasms with men. They settle for what they get and expose themselves to something which leaves them feeling used because it’s always been the way it is. Women are wired differently. Their needs aren’t the same as men’s. No one can honestly say they are excited to feel like a tool to please someone without getting the same results. Women do not need men for sexual pleasure. Usually, men make it awkward. Poor women don’t complain because they often don’t have anything different to compare their experience to.

    Just like with everything else, they want to feel normal and accepted. And desired.

    I don’t think people spend enough time trying to figure out what they want and why they want those things.

    As for physical attraction goes, supposedly beautiful people can be extremely repulsive due to their personalities.

    As for being alienated goes, people who feel left out often do the same to those who alienate them by resenting and blaming them. It is pretty ironic to get angry at people randomly and still want to be wanted by them.

    You can’t be like “Women hate us, women don’t want us. They are horrible, mean, blah blah,” and go on dating sites to connect with those women. Dating sites where people literally pick you out of a group of people based on looks. The lowest form of bias. Being a member of those sites and promoting their business means just being a part of something so awful. People supposedly hate those ideas that the sites are built on but they go on them anyway.

    Why not promote kindness and tolerance as well as honesty and decency outside in the real world and try to break rotten social norms? Protesting things by being a part of them doesn’t work.
     
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  6. jared mills

    jared mills Rookie

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    i can't imagine being in your position,with or without a dating app.either way, women want nothing to do with us because of how unattractive we appear to them upon eye-contact,as well as severely awkward :mad: :angry: :imp: :rage:.that's why i prefer giant stuffed animals (used as sex toys),as well as female aspies.
     
  7. Esa

    Esa Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for clarifying/editing :)
     
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