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Adulting

RemyZee

Well-Known Member
There was a post recently about adulting on the spectrum,, and I'm in a life space where I'm actually enjoying and appreciating adulthood these days--though im not verygoodat it. . As a child people thought I was precocious. As an adult I've been told I'm immature..
..and I don't want to lose that childishness to be honest! There is something in me that relates to the environment in a way that's kind of like I'm experiencing it for the first time. I love, most of all, the energy I feel--it's like a current that makes me stay up all night to follow some idea or create something. However I'm finding adult hood more appealing now, something strong about containing that energy and using it instead of it using me. What does adulthood mean to you? Do you feel younger or older than you are? Did you feel like an old person when youu were young? Do people say you look younger than you are? Are you afraid of aging?
Have your values changed as you get older? How has autism changed for you as youve gotten older. Etcetc
 
I generally feel/act/look drastically younger than I am. It's pretty obvious, one of those things I aint any good at hiding. People often refer to me as "kid" just sorta automatically.

I must emphasize that I am 42.

As for personal changes when getting older... I dunno, not too much.

I think there is a lot of increased empathy though. All the bullying back in highschool, and seeing a lot of atrocious behavior from other so-called "adults" after that... I was determined to make sure I never turned out like that.

One difference though is that I seem to have drastically more energy now than I did as a kid. I tended to be stationary as a kid, but these days I absolutely cannot sit still. I must always be moving at least somewhat (which can be really distracting to anyone nearby, I try my best to tone it down when I'm not alone)
 
Great topic for discussion.

"...and I don't want to lose that childishness to be honest! There is something in me that relates to the environment in a way that's kind of like I'm experiencing it for the first time. I love, most of all, the energy I feel--it's like a current that makes me stay up all night to follow some idea or create something. However I'm finding adult hood more appealing now, something strong about containing that energy and using it instead of it using me."

Well said. I agree that we must have responsibilities. It gives us purpose. I think this has a "grounding effect" on us. On the other hand, life cannot be about responsibilities. We need that intellectual curiosity and creativity for practical reasons, that is, problem solving, but is also a source for personal enjoyment. If you can balance your life around those elements, that's a great start. The term "childishness" can take on different meanings depending upon the perspective and context, but a typical small child has a sense of wonder and excitement about learning. To watch a child's face light up when they discover something new, that puts a smile on my face like no other. If you can still have that as an adult, this never ending, excited, hunger for knowledge to nourish your brain, that's a precious thing.

"...Do you feel younger or older than you are? Did you feel like an old person when youu were young? Do people say you look younger than you are? Are you afraid of aging?
Have your values changed as you get older? How has autism changed for you as youve gotten older."


I am 58 for some perspective. I don't feel younger or older, per se, in my mind. There really isn't this sense of age from a mental perspective. My body, on the other hand, is 58. I'm quite healthy, but still 58, and on the decline. There are times when I look in the mirror and wonder "What the Hell happened?" I don't recognize myself sometimes. My brain, well, it still looks at beautiful 20-year old women the way I did when I was 20. I also look at 30, 40, 50, 60 year old women the way I did when I was 20. I know that some women have this idea that all (heterosexual) men want is a younger woman, but it would be more accurate to say that all men, especially as they get older, want an intelligent, loving, supportive, respectful life partner. Period.

I don't have a fear of aging, per se. Right now, I have a fear of dying and not being able to complete my life's mission. I have a long list of things I have been dreaming and looking forward to, things that require my time and attention, things that won't get completed until after I retire. So, I am looking excitedly towards my retirement and finally being able to focus on my "childish" creative and intellectual curiosity side. I don't have time to be distracted by death, I've got a lot of things to do yet. ;)

My values have changed over time. This is a function of knowledge + experience + mistakes = wisdom.

My diagnosis certainly has changed my life, and for the better. I can see my world through a different lens. I am much more self aware and accepting. I know where my strengths are and I play to those strengths. I am totally content in my skin and would never want to be someone else. Thank the Lord my autism variant is not associated with the deep depression cycles other have. Sure, I can get into a bit of a down-in-the-dumps "funk" for a while, but it tends to bottom out with simply not being able to enjoy things, a "flat affect", etc. I don't take those deep dives into anger, frustration, envy, jealousy, negativity, nor suicidal ideation. For the most part, I am pretty positive about things and just let life's "crap" slide off as is I were made of Teflon. I understand the words, "This too, shall pass." Having the best day of your life? This too, shall pass. Having the worst day of your life? This too, shall pass. More recently, I have discovered using low-moderate doses of psilocybin mushrooms combined with Lion's Mane mushrooms and it has been a real game changer. No more depression episodes, my mind is clear, I sleep better, I roll with life's interruptions and disappointments much better, enhanced motor skills, enhanced sensory system (I can tolerate a lot more input, 720p vs 4K), and a long list of other improvements. I am receiving significantly more positive feedback from my co-workers and my up-line. Sure, I still am autistic, but it's a better version of myself.
 
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My adult side is better at some things.
My kid side is better at other things...
3Legged Race
full
 
and I don't want to lose that childishness to be honest!
Embrace it. I recommend buying a huuuuuge bag of googly eyes on Amazon and then going into stores and sticking them everywhere. Just don't do it in the stores you normally shop in because they eventually catch you and ban you. LOL. :D
 
I can be overaffectionate and hyperactive and enjoy bright colours, which can make me appear childlike in some ways. But I wouldn't really say I'm immature, even though I can't always handle bullying or rejection.
But there's nothing wrong with being young at heart.

As a kid I was about a year behind my peers intellectually, so I wasn't a little professor at all nor was I bright. But I was still a normal kid in lots of ways. I just couldn't handle my emotions for my age which caused me to have temper tantrums at home. I had temper tantrums at school a couple of times but grew out of them by age 6, but I didn't grow out of them at home.
 
For me, being an adult means being in every way independent from friends or family, especially financially. Now that I started working, I felt like this was the final step in feeling like I'm a grown-up.

I have no problems needing help from my partner, or getting help if I need it, although if it's something bigger then I feel better if I am able to pay for this help (such as a cleaning person or therapy) than if someone gave it to me for free.

However, I do recognise that I am rather strict with myself in this aspect of tying adulthood to being as independent as I can. That is related to my family history. I don't automatically set that standard for others.

About "adulting tasks", I'm still learning about them. What I love about myself is that I retained my optimism about life and people, and joy from my childhood. Others always called me naive, which I probably am, and I had some very hard experiences because of this, but I learned (or am learning) not to mind it too much because it allows me to also be idealistic and optimistic.
 
I do adult things ie responsibilities, but do not feel like an adult, despite my age saying I am.

Personally, though, who cares, as long as the adult part is doing what has to be done?

I had to be an adult early, due to being forced or gaslit into taking care of my gran when I was 17. But, was not truly being one, as I felt angry with being put into such a situation. 5 of us and I am the only one who was forced. However, that is besides the point now.

I feel Aspergers actually helps to retain the child in me, because of my stimming.

My conditons have not changed since childhood; just awareness of why I was and am like it.
 
I relate that when i was a teen/kid, people said i appeared more mature than my age, and as an adult i feel and appear the opposite.
 
I remember I had to act grown-up when I was only 13-14. I was the youngest out of my siblings, but when I became lonely at around that age I began hanging out with my cousins, who were a few years younger (they were all the friends I had at the time). But because I was a bit older than them I was expected by adults to act grown-up and so was often criticised. I began to hate it and became resentful of being a teenager, dysphoric even. My cousins picked up on this and would often rub it in by doing babyish things that they knew I couldn't do without being yelled at by an adult. That was annoying.

Then when I got a bit older and my cousins reached age 13-14 I kept noticing they were doing silly things that I would of been scolded for when I was their age but the adults didn't seem to criticise them, they even sometimes expected it by saying "they're just kids". So when I asked why they still get to be children when I had to be so grown-up when I was their age, I was told I was becoming obsessed. But I just felt resentful that I had to grow up so early. I found that so hard to accept.
 
I feel like a child sometimes because my parents were overprotective and there is a lot of things i don't know. On the other hand i also feel like a retired elderly person bc i don't work and live a calm solitary life
 
Embrace it. I recommend buying a huuuuuge bag of googly eyes on Amazon and then going into stores and sticking them everywhere. Just don't do it in the stores you normally shop in because they eventually catch you and ban you. LOL. :D
Oh my now there is an idea!
 
Embrace it. I recommend buying a huuuuuge bag of googly eyes on Amazon and then going into stores and sticking them everywhere. Just don't do it in the stores you normally shop in because they eventually catch you and ban you. LOL. :D
I have decided to do this!
 
I can do many things on my own. But there are also lots of things I need to ask for help with - enough to make me feel like a child. Some people might even say I'm like a child. I don't know what feeling like an adult is like.

 

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