24 yr son at home

[granolaturtle]

Just reminding people that the US army doesn't recruit disabled people. Those of us who have official diagnosis or take medications have a very low chance of getting into the army.

 

[Buzzerfly]

I don't like this thread! It makes me uncomfortable and upset.

It doesn't seem right to me when a mothers gets on this site to bash her son. And whether he's great and just feels lonely or is a damaged pervert, I'll never know from the extreme lack of info about him. I also hate that so many of you "take the bait" and fight each other over imaginary bs.

I don't know...

I have many people I consider friends on here but really, this thread is awfully incriminating.

 

[OliveBunny]

I am sorry that you feel bad. I am on the spectrum but, I am not trying to betray my own here. I am also a victim of a lot of sexual abuse from my past. And perhaps I am jumping to conclusions. But, I don't want others to be hurt in the the deeply traumatic ways that I was. If what I said saves her son early on and prevents any damage to others and or him, then I don't regret saying it.

 

[Sportster]

Aspies in the Armed Forces? How about no? I know I couldn't do it even though I'd possibly thrive under the regimented way of living.

I did it.

Me too - Military Police, Airborne. I served my tour of duty in Germany during the Cold War. A lot of Aspies, many on this site, have served in the military. Looking back, I can pinpoint several I went through boot-camp with that were on the spectrum and a few when I went overseas. Military life, though challenging, can be what one makes it. It's not much different than civilian life in that you have responsibilities and are expected to do your part, perform, and show results.

 

[Mary Anne]

He treats me with disrespect and very condescending towards me. He likes to poke his finger on me, such as my head and arm to annoy me. Likes to call me by my name. As the age he acts, that is difficult. He’s very immature! Let’s say my 21 yr old is so much more mature.

He does have a lock on his door. And tonight we certainly will be talking about this after his work.

I feel this shouldn’t be done when someone is home during the day. I certainly wouldn’t. Isn’t this common sense in someone’s home? Am I expecting too much?

He is leaving the door open to purposely upset you. Just as he pokes you, and does other disrespectful things. He might be ready to move out on his own. He sounds like he is trying to force this. Is he able to live somewhere else?

Have you given him consequences for the times when he deliberately disrespects you?

 

[Phanelope]

THe masturbation is an issue if it’s stopping him from doing other important things, like self care, showering, eating etc, or getting a job or education. It sounds like there is a therapist involved so I would use that. You’re paying for it.

 

[Phanelope]

Me too - Military Police, Airborne. I served my tour of duty in Germany during the Cold War. A lot of Aspies, many on this site, have served in the military. Looking back, I can pinpoint several I went through boot-camp with that were on the spectrum and a few when I went overseas. Military life, though challenging, can be what one makes it. It's not much different than civilian life in that you have responsibilities and are expected to do your part, perform, and show results.

I can see the military being attractive. Rules, structure, Little need for chit chat. I think I’d have a hard time coping with other people’s rules though. And physical activity.

 

[Mary Anne]

He treats me with disrespect and very condescending towards me. He likes to poke his finger on me, such as my head and arm to annoy me. Likes to call me by my name. As the age he acts, that is difficult. He’s very immature! Let’s say my 21 yr old is so much more mature.

He does have a lock on his door. And tonight we certainly will be talking about this after his work.

I feel this shouldn’t be done when someone is home during the day. I certainly wouldn’t. Isn’t this common sense in someone’s home? Am I expecting too much?

If he continues with all these negative behaviors, why not give the ultimatum, and tell him he will have to go live on his own? Find supportive housing for him if he needs it. Kick him out. If he works, and is able to understand enough to know how to push mom’s buttons, then he will understand there are consequences for bad behaviors. You do not have to put up with all this!

 

[Mary Anne]

I don't like this thread! It makes me uncomfortable and upset.

It doesn't seem right to me when a mothers gets on this site to bash her son. And whether he's great and just feels lonely or is a damaged pervert, I'll never know from the extreme lack of info about him. I also hate that so many of you "take the bait" and fight each other over imaginary bs.

I don't know...

I have many people I consider friends on here but really, this thread is awfully incriminating.

This site should be for parents of children with autism too. Why shouldn’t they feel safe here? Why should they not come here to learn more from people who HAVE autism? This is a better place for them to learn then other places such as autism speaks. To ignore the frustrations, loneliness, and isolation of parents who do not have coping skills to deal with such challenges is very sad and negative.

 

[Mary Anne]

Mrs. Cut,

This hits close to home for me. I have seen this. I am not comfortable giving specifics about that but, I feel compelled to add my two cents here. Your doctor is wrong. Maybe he is addicted to porn too, who knows. It certainly seems there is a porndemic in America nowadays with the internet making it so easily obtainable. I agree with every word that Starfire said. Having the personal experience with someone like your son, I have to say that it is your job to fix this as his mother. You could potentially let loose a sexual predator. I don't know your son. But, I know what porn addiction can do to an aspy who already can't properly understand social cues. And I know that the human body can become addicted to the production of excessive amounts of the "feel good" hormones and neurotransmitters that it produces through orgasms or other activities that can become addictive... You have heard of "adrenaline junkies" or "obsessive eaters." Those are not nearly as bad as an aspy who has normalized the behavior portrayed in porn. It's not enough to lay down the boundaries. You need to get him into a therapist that understands this! Before he gets into S&M or Pedophilia. Because the nature of porn addicts is to go for stronger and stronger stuff. Just like a drug addict. Your body builds up a tolerance and then you crave a harder, bigger dose! Try to find more information on the study of porn addiction. The internet is a treasure trove of information. Just try to keep to the facts. There is a lot of bias about this subject. A lot of opinion, a lot of offended people and bias. So, yeah. Please get him some help.

And don't let him objectify you. Explain to him in no uncertain terms WHY it's bad for him, why it's bad for you and why it's bad for society. Put your sensitive feelings aside and explain, explain, explain!!! That's how you deal with an aspie.

I think it’s rather strong and totally misguided to equate porn addiction “to S&M or Pedophillia.” There is a lot wrong with that statement, I do not know where to start. There are many kinds of porn. There are many kinds of sexual fantasies. Pedophillia is a brain disorder, and not simply brought in by watching too much porn. (However read the article below for excellant info regarding porn and the curious autistic mind)

S&M is legal, and there are many different types and intensities within the spectrum- from light harmless fantasy to the most extreme rarer behaviors. To even place Pedophillia and S&M in the same sentence makes absolutely no sense. Sexual addiction comes in many many “flavors” too numerous to list here, including an enormous world of fetishes, which are a whole other topic.

This is an excellant article:
“Autism & Porn, The Problem No One Talks About”
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...08/autism-and-porn-problem-no-one-talks-about

 

[Lady Lucifer]

I'm with @Mary Anne with this one. Find him a home. If he can't respect your rules, and he has a severe behavioral problem, he needs to be in Independant Living or something similar.

I don't like this thread! It makes me uncomfortable and upset.

It doesn't seem right to me when a mothers gets on this site to bash her son. And whether he's great and just feels lonely or is a damaged pervert, I'll never know from the extreme lack of info about him. I also hate that so many of you "take the bait" and fight each other over imaginary bs.

I don't know...

I have many people I consider friends on here but really, this thread is awfully incriminating.

Also with Mary Anne. This forum is to help parents, teachers, and signifgant others who are NT understand the spectrem more. There is something also called not responding to a forum.

 

[Ezra]

Even if my door was open enough to see my feet, my parents still would not barge in on me, to see if I'm asleep, or any other excuse.

 

[Lady Lucifer]

Even if my door was open enough to see my feet, my parents still would not barge in on me, to see if I'm asleep, or any other excuse.

Thats not the point. Her son leaves his door OPEN. Meaning he WANTS to be seen.

 

[Ezra]

Thats not the point. Her son leaves his door OPEN. Meaning he WANTS to be seen.

No the OP said the door is open just a bit and she has to open it further to see him. In the summer especially I leave my door open just a bit for ventilation. That doesn't mean I want to be seen or have someone barge in on me.

 

[Lady Lucifer]

For one thing, I am not invading his privacy. His door is open when he does this. It's not something a mom wants to see. Who wants to see or know their son is doing this? Yes it's normal, but not for a mom to see on a number of times. Also, when his door is closed, I knock, and all he says is "yeah?" so I think it's safe to open the door and there he is.

@Ezra hm....

 

[Joel's Hear]

I'm with @Mary Anne with this one. Find him a home. If he can't respect your rules, and he has a severe behavioral problem, he needs to be in Independant Living or something similar.


Also with Mary Anne. This forum is to help parents, teachers, and signifgant others who are NT understand the spectrem more. There is something also called not responding to a forum.

As a matter of fact, this forum is for aspies and asds. Do you mean not responding to a thread? It is spectrum, not spectrem. This woman (Mrs. Cut) came to this site once, slamming a supposed autistic son she had. She never even introduced herself. She Hasnt been back since. Troll? Good day.

 

[Joel's Hear]

This site should be for parents of children with autism too. Why shouldn’t they feel safe here? Why should they not come here to learn more from people who HAVE autism? This is a better place for them to learn then other places such as autism speaks. To ignore the frustrations, loneliness, and isolation of parents who do not have coping skills to deal with such challenges is very sad and negative.

As a matter of fact, Buzzerfly has two children on the spectrum. But she never comes to this sit to make one thread SLAMMING a supposed child she had. Erroneous info comes easily from you, no?

 

[Ezra]

@Ezra hm....

I'm going by the OP's original description of the door being slightly ajar, and her having to push it open to see what her son is doing.

She then backpedaled after getting flack and her having to push the door open, became the door being wide open the whole time.

 

[Mary Anne]

As a matter of fact, this forum is for aspies and asds. Do you mean not responding to a thread? It is spectrum, not spectrem. This woman (Mrs. Cut) came to this site once, slamming a supposed autistic son she had. She never even introduced herself. She Hasnt been back since. Troll? Good day.

The way I understood, this entire forum is for EVERYONE including family members, AND NTs. There are many many supportive people here who don’t fit your narrow POV.

She did not “slam” her son. she described what life in her home was like with her son disrespecting her house rules and her wishes. But She certainly got slammed.

She needed help and thought she might get positive suggestions here. This place can be really cruel, rude, and sometimes inhospitable to some newbies. Calling someone asking for help “a troll” is very unhelpful, mean, and illogical. She was attacked for trying to get some autistic POV’s to her dilemma, and this is quite saddening. Parents reach out for help and get bashed. Nice going. Your negative comments/ innuendos are what probably sends people to Autism Speaks instead. They will welcome her and treat her with common decency and respect - which is what everyone deserves.

 

[Joel's Hear]

The way I understood, this entire forum is for EVERYONE including family members, AND NTs. There are many many supportive people here who don’t fit your narrow POV.

She did not “slam” her son. She needed help and thought she might get positive ideas here. This place can be really cruel, rude, and sometimes inhospitable to some newbies. Calling someone asking for help “a troll” is very unhelpful, and illogical. She was attacked for trying to get some autistic POV’s to her dilemma, and this is quite saddening. Parents reach out for help and get bashed. Nice going. Your negative comments/ innuendos are what probably sent her to Autism Speaks instead. They will welcome her and treat her with decent respect.

So you're an autism speaks advocate now? BTW, she never came back. It wasn't because of me, or Buzzerfly, I guarantee it. The real loving parents are the ones who stick around. There are dozens on here. Been on here for years. They introduce themselves, and a REAL parent always says good things about their child. Even if they have problems. Not introduced smut. The OP's actions actually are troll like. I'm not illogical. Quite the opposite. Tired of the grumpy cats and "angel cats" trying to sound caring, but being anything but.