My favorite word of the dictionary is, for now, 'poltroon'. It means, according to Merriam-Webster, 'a spiritless coward'.
Look at me, I have Asperger's Syndrome and AD/HD, I also have dyslexia. My mind jumbles up fast. To add to that, I am not Albert Einsteins, who has the same conditions as I do. If I were a super genius, things would be better. My IQ is a few points short of 3 standard deviation from the norm, though. So what? I'm still a poltroon.
I am born to parents who are Chinese-educated... (It means for them, the medium of instruction is Mandarin, not English). Even though I was eligible to be exempted from Mother Tongue (in my case, Chinese) because of my conditions, they refused for years to put me through special conditions. In high school, I was given two options in Chinese classes - either I do higher-level Chinese so that I can drop Chinese in sophomore year/Sec 4 as I exhaust Singapore's education requirements for Chinese, or I do Chinese at junior level/JC1. I chose the former.
I know what exactly I want in life, right from the age of 9. I love maps. I love statistics. I love comparing things against each other. I want to study Geography or Urban Planning or Urban Studies in university. I even tried to listen to lectures on these subjects on my own, either through attending lessons in University in the past, or iTunes. But I don't know how I can achieve my dreams without going through the government, and the government expects 'contributions in and out the classroom' as a prerequisite for even offering higher papers of the subjects I did. So for 11 or so years, I studied and did community service, school projects and so on. I even joined online board games competitions, which I steadily improved... I only slept four hours a day every day, sometimes, just two.
Result: I dropped out of Honors classes, suffered a mental breakdown, I was forced to drop my activities and quit all competitions I was supposed to join, and I got ****** grades that made me the bottom 30% of my high school, just because of my unfortunate senior year, and me flunking exams. I was even exempted from military service, because of my conditions...
There goes my dreams!
I sometimes still fantasise I can walk in Princeton University's Nassau Hall and get a chance to contribute to Princeton's intellectual environment, particularly how we can make the city work better for 'the Bubble'...
Sometimes, the best is not enough.
All that remains of me is that, I am a reject of the larger Singapore society, I am a reject of my family and friends (who moved on to talk about Singapore's universities, on how great they are - I know that long ago as I was once listening to their regular lectures!) and even, for once, my very own autism community in Singapore. That's why, thirty months ago, I joined this site. All what remains of me is a spiritless, unhappy soul, fearful of everything that lies ahead of me.
I still do my best to overcome me. I don't know how to deal with failure... But I'll eventually learn.
Look at me, I have Asperger's Syndrome and AD/HD, I also have dyslexia. My mind jumbles up fast. To add to that, I am not Albert Einsteins, who has the same conditions as I do. If I were a super genius, things would be better. My IQ is a few points short of 3 standard deviation from the norm, though. So what? I'm still a poltroon.
I am born to parents who are Chinese-educated... (It means for them, the medium of instruction is Mandarin, not English). Even though I was eligible to be exempted from Mother Tongue (in my case, Chinese) because of my conditions, they refused for years to put me through special conditions. In high school, I was given two options in Chinese classes - either I do higher-level Chinese so that I can drop Chinese in sophomore year/Sec 4 as I exhaust Singapore's education requirements for Chinese, or I do Chinese at junior level/JC1. I chose the former.
I know what exactly I want in life, right from the age of 9. I love maps. I love statistics. I love comparing things against each other. I want to study Geography or Urban Planning or Urban Studies in university. I even tried to listen to lectures on these subjects on my own, either through attending lessons in University in the past, or iTunes. But I don't know how I can achieve my dreams without going through the government, and the government expects 'contributions in and out the classroom' as a prerequisite for even offering higher papers of the subjects I did. So for 11 or so years, I studied and did community service, school projects and so on. I even joined online board games competitions, which I steadily improved... I only slept four hours a day every day, sometimes, just two.
Result: I dropped out of Honors classes, suffered a mental breakdown, I was forced to drop my activities and quit all competitions I was supposed to join, and I got ****** grades that made me the bottom 30% of my high school, just because of my unfortunate senior year, and me flunking exams. I was even exempted from military service, because of my conditions...
There goes my dreams!
I sometimes still fantasise I can walk in Princeton University's Nassau Hall and get a chance to contribute to Princeton's intellectual environment, particularly how we can make the city work better for 'the Bubble'...
Sometimes, the best is not enough.
All that remains of me is that, I am a reject of the larger Singapore society, I am a reject of my family and friends (who moved on to talk about Singapore's universities, on how great they are - I know that long ago as I was once listening to their regular lectures!) and even, for once, my very own autism community in Singapore. That's why, thirty months ago, I joined this site. All what remains of me is a spiritless, unhappy soul, fearful of everything that lies ahead of me.
I still do my best to overcome me. I don't know how to deal with failure... But I'll eventually learn.
