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i dont want to losse weight , just don't want to eat/obtain food related fullness................ (*trigger warning eating disorder issues)

i have since i was a kid anxiety and restlessness with tiredness and stronger hartpalitation in veriating scals after eating* , i have no idea why.i had a stomach birth defect that was fix w several operations, but i don't know if that's the reason. trying different ways to solve it (like eating on more ocations but less food) it but nothing really woked......

until:

in 2013 i got diagnosed with adhd + as and i got ritalin prescribed, didn't understand its relation to my apitat.....but my appetite completely disappeared..............yes!!! no more anxiety rushes after dinner hurray!. after a couple of weeks i found myself with an intestinal problem that letter was diagnosed as IBS-D. i started taking loperamide, and get was it has incommon with ritalina =))

this was al in 2014, and earlier this year my psychiatry contact i have invited the anorexia centrum for discussion of treatment or even hospitalize of me but they didn't see that i had an eating disorder because i have no weight obsession,i just medicate with to skip eating and the anxiety after, no hospitalization...saved by the bell, and no people forcing me to eat a given amount and that gr8ness of "staying in ur anxiety" to cure it, **** that.

And dont get me wrong i love food and i love eating but getting a nasty payback from my body almost every time i eat a normal meal and even less then that, (i get the food anxiety "hangover" almost empty after,ffs hate it). it's like the alcohol hangovers,i feels gr8 when i drink but it can be affol the next morning, ofc the body doesn't need alkohol.

now 2016 it sems like the loperamide is decressen more and more in its effectivity in combination w the fact that i have to start eating atlet a little again so i don't lose all my body mass... either one of the changes i have to eat more, and/or taking more medicin cos of the loperamides tolerans development in me, are crating stomach pains and other junk, i don't know if im taking too little or too much loperamide (and thats the why of this symtopms) andi can't get an answer from the health care system sens my intension are "eveil" i meen selfdistruktive. but i'm not ready to go back to the way things were before either.

*What Causes Anxiety After Eating?
http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/causes/after-eating

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