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Why I don't have a significant other - for now

I always remind myself, 'ten times measure, one time cut (Judge Judy). Every major decision is an important one. In particular, in my case, there is only one direction life goes - forward. Time never goes backward, so we had much experience with time, that we try to learn from.

In particular, I find it important to deal with relationships. I have to be frank with you.

I will never foresee myself to have a steady romantic relationship in the next decade or so. I simply cannot. Even if other people have their relationships, be they Aspies/Auties or not, and even though I have sexual impulses, I channel them to my work. This may be unhealthy, but this is the best I can do.

At a personal level, I am simply socially inept to deal living with another person. Living with another person on an equal basis is hard, as I feel uncomfortable doing so. I tried to lead, but as my parents would mock me, 'no one had, or ever will, attend your birthday party at any given year, so you're no leader even though you badly want to be one'.

But for more practical reasons, I can't have a significant other.

I can't afford it, for now.

With marriage, you need a house, a car and a family. You want the best out of the house, the car and the family, for there are vicious comparisons that you can't get out of, no matter how hard you try. Also, it is not up to my personality to accept mediocrity, I cannot accept a worse outcome of, say, my children having less opportunities to move up the social ladder than I do. With high housing prices, more congested roads and more competition for quality schools and jobs, I do not know whether I have the resources to support my children in my current society.

It may be hurting to hear, 'I can't have a relationship because it takes money to support me, I don't have a job and haven't been employed for a long time, and my significant other doesn't has a good-paying job either'. But this is the obstacle for relationships - and for that matter, almost all other decisions I make in life, such as career decisions, educational options to support them. I do not feel ready yet.

It is often easier to say, 'move to another country with more and better-paying jobs' than to do it - we have all our reasons to live in our homeland, our home countries, and sometimes our hometowns. There are cultural, emotional and practical reasons to stay at home. In Asia, in general, families are expected to support themselves with the lack of individual safety net support. Even in many Western societies, to my observations, the safety net has been eroding, as they struggle with most of their people's effect on globalization. So they have to suck it out, till there are better days. Moving to, say, China, Indonesia, Thailand or the Philippines just won't cut it.

This is also the unspoken issue in developed and rapidly developing countries.

I hope, one day, there could be enough social reforms, to create a more egalitarian and accommodating society. We actually support and nurture our people, not compete against each other. In this way, we will be more able to have children, and perhaps have more confidence to settle and form families.

Comments

Actually, I think you show great maturity in your thinking, Geordie. I have seen so many young people rush into relationships, then a baby comes along which neither is prepared for, financially and otherwise, and pretty soon the couple finds themselves trapped, especially if they stay together.

I made my mind up years ago to never let myself get into a situation where I could possibly wind up pregnant, as I did not want to have to bring up a child the way I was raised, hearing all the time that there was no money for anything I wanted to do. I do not know if my family was as truly strapped for money as they claimed or whether they just didn't want to spend money, but the end result was the same, I was left out of a lot of things. I learned quick that people will abandon those who can't participate on an equal basis, and if your peer group is into activities that cost money and you have none, then essentially you have no peer group. It hurt a lot then and it still hurts now.

In the same way I gave up on romantic relationships years ago as it does not seem to be something that I can achieve. Apparently I am not the kind of person that is sought out for relationships, only if you want a quick and easy f***. Which I was not into. All I can say is that there are worse things than being alone and celibate.
 
Indeed, being all alone is indeed less painful than other pains.

In addition, aren't there more distractions these days, to stop us thinking about, well, sex? We have television, books and lots of other activities to do (such as volunteering) :)
 

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