A long battle ahead

It's difficult. But I need to ignore my negativity. I need to ignore my psychosis. The delusions I have all the time, are not real. I just need to remind myself that I can beat this.

My issue with memory is purely this psychosis. Namely because I generally stop caring about anything when I have a episode and lose control. It's scary. It feels like I am a different person entirely. It's not another personality. Yet it feels like one, sometimes.

I'm not ready for the world. But my hope is to overcome this so I can start engaging the world alot more. Things are not as scary or horrible as my psychosis tells me.

I don't need to worry.

I don't need to listen to the lies.

I don't need to be afraid to try doing things.

But I know I'll still struggle with with this and believe I can't do it. But 'I can't' is a lie and a cop out. But I do find myself saying it when I end up feeling absolutely distressed, in my psychosis. It feeds a victim mentality which I don't need to have. I KNOW I don't need that mentality.

- I don't need medication to do this.

- I don't need to be unnecessary distracted to "alleviate" it. Even though it really doesn't.

- I need to just focus on positive things and keep on task, through scheduling. Something I need to do for myself.

- Make good use of my positivity index cards.

- Journal all thoughts that matter and to help counter negative ones.