I know I come out as an easy going person, or, more accurately, as a push-over. Nothing could be farther from the truth. When I feel that someone is trying to dominate me, manipulate me, or plain simply, doesn’t respect my boundaries, I walk away. Plain and simple.
When that situation used to ocurred in the past, I used to argue with the person so she could understand why I was saying no to something. They would either try to convince me and I would cave in to keep “peace”, or I would end up getting mad.
Now I don’t do either, I just walk away. Do you understand the word “no”, or its euphemisms “that is not convenient for me, I’d rather not”, or “thank you, but I can’t”, or “I don’t agree”, or “I don’t like to be told that negative adjective thrown at me, please stop”?
If the answer is “yes”, we keep our relationship.
If the answer is “no”, bye bye.
I’ve already done that to my parents and my ex husband, and it has been the one great big step between feeling anxious, insecure, filled up with rage, and being a cool (er), peaceful and mature person.
Yup, this might all have to do with the fact that my brain is wired differentely, and human realtionships can be challenging for me. I tried for forty-three years to make peace with everyone, letting them push over me, without realizing what was going on.
Now I get it. What happens is that I give up that innocent vibe that makes people want to dominate me. Well, I can’t change how other people perceive me. I will forever look younger than my age, and I will forever have a young spirit… and I love it! But I can stop other people from taking advantage of me, and if that means breaking “friendships”, so be it. I have to love and respect myself first of all, no matter the consequences.
I am smiling now.
Yes, I love me.
