Rainy Day Diary

I felt like I haven't even blinked and the entire year is over. My seasonal affective disorder is absolutely ruthless now that the sun is setting at four in the evening. I've been trying my hardest to practice my hobbies— journaling and tarot reading (yes really)— every day and so far. As for taking care of myself... it's been incredibly difficult. I take my medicine everyday because it's a habit, but I don't have any medicine that helps with endless binge eating and lack of impulse...

I vanished over the course of a couple months because I was feeling mentally unwell. Besides my autism, I suffer greatly with depression and anxiety. It's been a very rough year for me with the loss of my mother and COVID mutating. Genuinely I wish I could provide an interesting or substantial update for my life but nothing has happened except endless mental anguish. Yesterday my one and only friend and I tried to play a game online and only got upset when we lost and because I was being so...

My sleeping schedule is now reversed and it has been awful for my mood. I'm terrified of having a bad sleeping schedule because I have my fur baby to take care of, and if I'm unable to walk and feed her then she doesn't get taken care of and it's my fault. Not to mention I'm hungry all the time now! The lack of carbs is good for me but I feel so overwhelmed and so sad all the time because I go to bed with my stomach rumbling. Nothing can be easy anymore and I'm feeling really emotionally and...

Mop the floor in the bathroom. Mop the floor in the kitchen. Take my medicine and vitamins. Walk my fur baby. Feed my fur baby. Shower. Brush teeth. Write in my private food diary. Wash my dishes. Here is a list of my chores I need to do tomorrow. Most of these are things I do everyday but it helps to keep a list so it feels less overwhelming. None of these things will ever take too long (the longest things lasting about twenty minutes). I may have a late start however, my Moderna shot is...

I finally started a plan with my dietitian last Thursday and so far I've been following it pretty well. Though I discovered that I can no longer eat PB&J because it goes over my limit of 45mg carbohydrates per meal. Even if it's on whole wheat bread. Right now I'm stuck using the microwave for all my meals except breakfast, where I have to scrambled eggs in the morning with mushrooms. Losing weight is my biggest priority so I don't worsen my diabetes or cholesterol but it's still very...

At last I finally got everything I needed to do DONE! I'm now able to relax in bed without anxiety balling up inside my stomach. Things went very smoothly with my blood work and with my first dietitian appointment. I even got to pet a dog today! I'm super relieved everything went as well as it did. As for my apartment, I guess the inspectors never came to check out my apartment? This isn't the first time this has happened but every time my landlady sends out a notice it always sends me into...

I got my blood drawn and now I have to wait for 11:00 AM so I can go to see my dietitian for the first time, but I'm tired since I had to wake up at 4:00 AM in order to have enough time to get ready for both appointments. Not to mention my apartment might be getting inspected and I hardly have the energy to get out of bed. Life is rough when you don't have time to plan ahead. All of this was just suddenly dropped on me and I had no time to brace myself for it. :(

I have so much to do and I'm so overwhelmed. Tomorrow I get my second Moderna shot and I have to prepare for a USDA inspection for my apartment. I didn't get any preparations done today and I made dinner which I barely ate any of. I'm upset with myself. On the 19th is the official inspection. It's also when my father is taking me to get blood work done for my doctor. I also have my first dietitian appointment and I'll have to wander around the hospital alone since I can't leave her at my...