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I vanished over the course of a couple months because I was feeling mentally unwell. Besides my autism, I suffer greatly with depression and anxiety. It's been a very rough year for me with the loss of my mother and COVID mutating. Genuinely I wish I could provide an interesting or substantial update for my life but nothing has happened except endless mental anguish.

Yesterday my one and only friend and I tried to play a game online and only got upset when we lost and because I was being so negative. Being negative is just apart of my personality at this point... I truly don't know how to be positive. Maybe that's why no one enjoys talking to me anymore. Maybe that's why I have no friends except for one in the first place.

It's very hard to function without being realistic– the world is very negative, society is very negative and therefore I also tend to be very negative as a result. Perhaps I would not truly be me without my pessimism at this point. All roller coasters must come down eventually, even if they have their incredible highs and twists and turns. It all spirals downward in the end.

I'm content with it.


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