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Barking in the Dark/the NT relationship paradigm

Barking in the dark. That's what I'm doing right now. I just got the call today, and in the course of 20 minutes my world went from stable and predictable to "you're going half way around the world to do things you don't want to do." Ugh.

But anyway, I just wanted to post something before I go. Partly because I won't have internet, partly because I'm going to a dangerous place and I'm not exactly going to be handing out Polio vaccines, so I'm a little scared and I have to say something, at least.

How about I ramble about one of the paradoxes that affects us: Wanting to be alone but not wanting to be alone at the same time. I believe that the reason this is an issue is because when we attempt to establish a relationship with another, it's under the NT paradigm of what a relationship (romantic or platonic) is supposed to look like.

What I mean is that like so many things, the topic of establishing and maintaining relationships is yet another round-peg-square-hole problem for us. Ask yourself: if the world were 100% autistic and always had been, what would friendships, romantic relationships, and work relationships look like?

I certainly think they would be much less involved than a NT-style relationship. I've had NT girlfriends before that wanted to spend every second of every day together. That's the extreme example of what I'm talking about; that's just too much for us. We get exhausted.

Everyone has needs of all different types: needs for oxygen, needs for food/water, needs for self-esteem, needs for human contact, and many more; see Mazlow's Hierarchy of Needs for reference. I don't think I'd get much pushback if I were to assert that our needs on the social spectrum of needs are much less than those of NTs. Just like some people can have sex one or twice a year and have that need sufficiently satisfied for them, so too does that apply to social interaction; I get lonely if I'm in total isolation, but just a little bit of social contact will satisfy me - it's easy to get too much.

Assuming what I say is true, I think an ideal Aspie relationship would appear to be very casual, by the current understanding of how relationships are maintained. But if that's fine for us, then that's just fine. The problem is that it's not fine for...others...but that's a whole other diatribe altogether.

Thanks for reading.


Hi Gritches. I hate you going around the world to do things you don't want to do. I hate it for you and I hate it for the rest of us also.

You are blunt and truthful and you look at the hard stuff clearly, as you see it, even for an Aspie. Take care of yourself and come back ok.

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