Yesterday, it's been approximately five and a half months since my last meltdown. Today, it's been zero days since my last meltdown. Several factors have piled up that eventually caused it - and I am a tad bit ashamed to admit that all of them stem from the current global situation.
Since I started intensively researching autism, I have come to understand myself significantly better, to the point where I learned to identify, and in consequence, avoid situations or circumstances that could potentially cause meltdowns. I have done so well that even family members who are not convinced I am on the spectrum had to admit that I have been doing way better.
Right now, I am trying to figure out what went wrong this time and whether I could have avoided this major meltdown today, during which I got so worked up and screamed so loud for so long, that my throat hurts now.
These are the factors that came together:
This last point is the most difficult for me to resolve; am I expecting too much? Is there a plausible reason people communicate way less than usual in a situation like this? Experts across every media outlet there is recommend staying in touch with others to make the isolation easier to handle. So now I'm hella confused as to why people aren't doing it.
- Due to staying indoors all day - it's week 2 for me - my usual routine has been disrupted completely. I promptly reacted by building a new routine for myself the weekend before I would stop leaving the house on weekdays. The first week, it worked amazingly. I was as productive as ever, all the while having more free time for fun activities (at home, of course). This week, I got lazy and did not follow my new routine. From day one, I could watch my productivity and my mood plummet to earth. That was entirely my fault.
- Immediately before I had the meltdown, I read a very well researched and critical article on government measures regarding the current global situation, which confirmed what I had suspected for some time: My government is not doing all that great. It really upset me that I have absolutely no control over the situation but have to rely on people of whom I have no idea what they're doing, planning, or thinking right now. Could I have avoided reading the article and getting myself all upset? Yes definitely, but I did not see that one coming. On the contrary, I do believe it would not have resulted in the meltdown if no. 3 did not apply:
- Ain't nobody talking to me. I have reached out to several people I have contact regularly in the outside world. Some of them are people who are very close and important to me; however, I hardly get any replies. This is not logical to me, because I figured people had more time to communicate now, and maybe more need for it since people aren't supposed to meet up right now. Building upon this premise, I started thinking these people do not care about me all too much, considering I have not received any "how are you"s so far. Granted, it's not been long since social distancing started to be implemented, but my friends' lack of communication/replies has been longer than usual.
Have you had similar experiences so far? How are you handling communication with friends and acquaintances at the moment? Let me know your thoughts!
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Analyzing my first Corona meltdown