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"You look lost!"

LoneHeart

LoneHeart

Well-Known Member
Has any other Aspies tend to get NTs that say that about you at it times? Today when I was at work, I heard the sounds of kids playing in the distance, i look over to see two kids wearing Ninja Turtle shirts, I was staring at their shirts, trying to see the design, when one of the ladies I work with says "you look lost!" For some reason I get that quite a bit from people and I have no idea why. It's not like I am a daydreamer or something, I will be staring at something or observing something specifically, and people will say that to me. Does this happen to anyone else? Or am I just an oddball? :p
 
lol.. yup.

But I guess they're right... I seem to occupy the space physically... mentally I'm not there.

Though I suppose people often consider that I'm just "out of place", not exactly sure why it is, but for some reason it just feels like I'm not supposed to be where I am, much like someone coming out of a time machine would end up in the wrong era with the wrong kind of clothes. Just replace that time machine thing with an overall sense of being somewhere. (I wish it was the time machine thing... I might even pose as a time traveller, lol)

Ste11aeres said:
Ha, I got stopped once by a policeman who said that exact same thing to me.
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Oh don't even get me started on those. Every time I get stopped by these kinds of people, they think I'm both lost and drunk.
 
LoneHeart said:
Has any other Aspies tend to get NTs that say that about you at it times? Today when I was at work, I heard the sounds of kids playing in the distance, i look over to see two kids wearing Ninja Turtle shirts, I was staring at their shirts, trying to see the design, when one of the ladies I work with says "you look lost!" For some reason I get that quite a bit from people and I have no idea why. It's not like I am a daydreamer or something, I will be staring at something or observing something specifically, and people will say that to me. Does this happen to anyone else? Or am I just an oddball? :p
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I get told this a lot too when in fact I'm not 'lost' I'm very much all there, just maybe thinking too deeply or when I'm trying to look for something. I hate it when people say this. It's like they want to feel authoritative too, like if it's in work or something. Then they're like "are you okay!" when they don't get a response. They don't get a response because I'm piss'd off with their questions. I quickly say "yeah I'm fine." with no eye contact to prevent more questions...ugh!
 
I get the, "Are you okay?" question a lot, or "You seem distracted." Pretty much means the same thing. I must admit, I do wander around in my own little world a lot. :)
 
So do I. Always in my own wee bubble. Have been since I was a teen to protect myself from any more upset. Think it's an environmental cause, plus I'm on the spectrum as well.
 
I haven't really thought about this for a long time, but yes, this happens to me a lot, too. It seems like it's usually when I'm actually concentrating on something or just thinking about stuff so intensely I'm not really paying attention to what's going on around me. I always assumed what they meant by "lost" was "unsure where I am going and in need of directions" which I never really understood because people would say it when I was waiting outside a classroom at school or something, and it only just occurs to me now that they may have meant it as something more like "lost in my thoughts" :P
 
More like "you seem distant". My preferred reaction is to give a slight smile and turn away from the commenter. Maybe whatever I was thinking about was more important to me than hearing their observation. Maybe I just gave them a chance to figure that out for themselves.
 
I'm not a hug kind of person at all whether I like the person (a girl, family, etc) or feel indifferent toward them. Occasionally I will get "you look like you need a hug" from people I know followed by a hug and my response is always to just wait until they're done because I just don't hug people.
 
Interesting to read this thread. Does it boil down to an innocuous disconnect between our facial gestures and what we are physically doing as well as thinking?

NTs put great stock in being able to read people based on their facial movements and gestures. They rely on it to the point of taking it for granted. So they assume they can read us based on what our faces "tell" them.

Yes, people also frequently misread my face as well. I wish I'd had a dollar for each time my mother would tell me, "You look like you lost your last friend. What's wrong?"

Most of the time nothing was wrong. I was just deep in thought!
 
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I can very much relate with the last part. I am in a calm mood a lot of the time, but my facial expression hates to show that.
 
Judge said:
Interesting to read this thread. Does it boil down to an innocuous disconnect between our facial gestures and what we are physically doing as well as thinking?

NTs put great stock in being able to read people based on their facial movements and gestures. They rely on it to the point of taking it for granted. So they assume they can read us based on what our faces "tell" them.

Yes, people also frequently misread my face as well. I wish I'd had a dollar for each time my mother would tell me, "You look like you lost your last friend. What's wrong?"

Most of the time nothing was wrong. I was just deep in thought!
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Interestingly, my Aspie best friend is really good at reading my mood, possibly based on my face.
 
Ste11aeres said:
Interestingly, my Aspie best friend is really good at reading my mood, possibly based on my face.
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But is he able to randomly "read" you in real time, or has he simply been able to analyze patterns of your facial gestures over a long period of time?

While reading faces in real time might be an NT trait, analyzing patterns of behavior and making deductive conclusions can also be an Aspie trait. Take your pick.
 
I had a teacher who said she couldn't tell if I was daydreaming or really thinking about what she was teaching, I suppose it's a false assumption that one should preclude the other.
 
Hedgehog Instigator said:
I had a teacher who said she couldn't tell if I was daydreaming or really thinking about what she was teaching, I suppose it's a false assumption that one should preclude the other.
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I remember my sixth grade science teacher made a similar comment about me. At times I was terribly focused on what he was trying to teach. Making matters worse, this teacher often bullied me...not having a clue. The experience pushed me away from science for a long time. :mad:
 
Judge said:
But is he able to randomly "read" you in real time, or has he simply been able to analyze patterns of your facial gestures over a long period of time?

While reading faces in real time might be an NT trait, analyzing patterns of behavior and making deductive conclusions can also be an Aspie trait. Take your pick.
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Some Aspies are quite intuitive in sensing emotional states. I am. But in my case it is not based upon facial expressions, as I don't look at the faces.
Perhaps my friend's intuition is not based upon my facial expressions either. He has known me for a long time, and can probably just tell when my manner and style of actions is off.
 
Ste11aeres said:
Some Aspies are quite intuitive in sensing emotional states. I am. But in my case it is not based upon facial expressions, as I don't look at the faces.
Perhaps my friend's intuition is not based upon my facial expressions either. He has known me for a long time, and can probably just tell when my manner is off.
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Might be amusing to see if he has taken a facial recognition test. There are many online. Find out if he has this talent, or if he's just deduced your behavior over a period of time.
 
Persist through the
Judge said:
I remember my sixth grade science teacher made a similar comment about me. At times I was terribly focused on what he was trying to teach. Making matters worse, this teacher often bullied me...not having a clue. The experience pushed me away from science for a long time. :mad:
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persist through the C.R.A.P. criticism rejection assholes and pressure. My heart goes out to you
 
Judge said:
Might be amusing to see if he has taken a facial recognition test. There are many online. Find out if he has this talent, or if he's just deduced your behavior over a period of time.
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While I do think he is an Aspie, he is far better at faces than I am. He can actually remember what they look like. But his mind is...um, definitely not neurotypical, and he has a way of explaining how he came to understand social things that leads one to realize he did not come about his people skills in a typical way.
 
Drifting slightly off topic, very subtle differences in facial emotion tests make them all start to look the same to me. But I believe for most Aspies, the bigger issue is not recognizing emotions, but knowing how to respond. However, there is probably less of a problem aspie-aspie or NT-NT than Aspie-NT or NT-aspie, which, back on topic, is probably the issue with 'you look lost'.
 
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