Why would my ex boyfriend tell me to fix my autism symptoms in order for him to have the patience for me?

[Jonn]

I am married to a NT. The very things that he loves about me are the things that are ND. When I am like "hey lets go do this " or I act what may be perceived as "childish" by one person. My hudband just sees as fun because are interests align, we laugh, express enjoyment. In a world that many do not enjoy and seek gratification in a dark way.

My partner and I are both very quirky.
The quirkiness in her is something I find very attractive.

He is putting down your happiness simply because he does not understand you.

If this is the case, there may be hope yet for the relationship, though I wouldn't bet on it.
He may be amenable to being educated about autism.
It is a pity we can't invite him onto AF, since he would probably be horrified that we are all talking about him.

There is also a lack of confidence on his part and he does not accept himself the way you accept yourself.

Possibilities like this make me uncomfortable with the idea of condemning him.
As I said, we are hearing only one side of the story.

 

[scleod]

My partner and I are both very quirky.
The quirkiness in her is something I find very attractive.

That is awesome That is what my husband loves about me, among other things.

If this is the case, there may be hope yet for the relationship, though I wouldn't bet on it.
He may be amenable to being educated about autism.

That IS also true. We are hearing from a "biased" point of view.

It is a pity we can't invite him onto AF, since he would probably be horrified that we are all talking about him.

That may be true? Depends on the person. But that could always be an option to do so although it may make OP uncomfortable.

Possibilities like this make me uncomfortable with the idea of condemning him.
As I said, we are hearing only one side of the story.

I didn't mean for it to come across as if I were condeming him. Just a normal human behavior that NT exhibit more often than ND. Because ND people "are who we are" which at its core comes down to confidence and self worth. A good portion of us don't get caught up in those things. Not saying we dont struggle ourselves we tend to have our own uniquness and not care what others think. Sometimes simply out of oblivion.
I apologize my words are so blunt they come across maybe in a judgemental way but that is the last thing from how I am, who am I to judge.

The other hand though is autistic women ( and men) are quite intuitive. They may not be able to express why something feels wrong but there is a pattern of behaviors that feels wrong. There have been documented studies on this within relationships. If something isn't feeling right listen to your gut even if you cant express why. Being a ND women in NT relationships (before my husband) you can be vulnerable because of a barrier of understanding ie boundaries, control etc. It is hard for a person to understand unless you yourself have been in one. Hopefully that made sense without getting into detail lol

 

[Jonn]

I apologize my words are so blunt they come across maybe in a judgemental way but that is the last thing from how I am, who am I to judge.

I wasn't suggesting you were judging him.
My comment was an aside.
You were actually supporting what I was thinking, and I was taking advantage of what you said to make my point.

 

[scleod]

I wasn't suggesting you were judging him.
My comment was an aside.
You were actually supporting what I was thinking, and I was taking advantage of what you said to make my point.

Ahhh, great minds think alike.

I'm not used to being around other great minds

 

[thejuice]

The other hand though is autistic women ( and men) are quite intuitive. They may not be able to express why something feels wrong but there is a pattern of behaviors that feels wrong. There have been documented studies on this within relationships. If something isn't feeling right listen to your gut even if you cant express why. Being a ND women in NT relationships (before my husband) you can be vulnerable because of a barrier of understanding ie boundaries, control etc. It is hard for a person to understand unless you yourself have been in one. Hopefully that made sense without getting into detail lol

Interesting, I believe it and I'm sure it has evolutionary utility. I'd love to see a study on that?

I think Jonn is correct about only having one side of the story and I do get the feeling there might be some slight bullying going on based on her side of the story. It makes some sense as he has the power as the one least invested in the relationship.

He might just be blunt, but a lot what he says is very undiplomatic and deeply invalidating. He has 'cut to the quick'. Perhaps that can't be avoided in a breakup.

His heavy metal cleanse idea is bizarre.

 

[scleod]

His heavy metal cleanse idea is bizarre.

The misconception is that they label it as "autism cleanser". When in reality it can help someone with autism better function in everyday life if they have a heavy metal build up ie improve cognitive function, energy so on. Not rid them of autism. As many diets help those on the spectrum, that are rich in nutrients and detox their bodies. Since autistics are known to have such sensitive gut biome and are sensitive to changes with in their bodies. Statistically with food aversions, it is a struggle for people on the spectrum to gain a full source of nutrients.

It is also largely popular in Christian communities, the heavy metal detox.

 

[arithmetic]

Well, we are hearing from only one side.
Something to think about.

True, but complainants should always be believed.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

He told me I act childish a lot of the time and I say things that aren’t appropriate to people that I don’t realize and my ex always has to point that out to me and it gets annoying to him that is why he didn’t want to get with me. In order for us to work on things again he told me to fix my autism and he said heavy metals and what I eat like processed foods cause my autism and I should try heavy metal cleanse to get the heavy metal out of my body that causes me autism.

He's been subjected to a lot of false information. Autism is a genetic/epigenetic, prenatal, neurodevelopmental condition... there's actual anatomical differences in the structure of the brain... the neurons, themselves are different, the migrational patterns are different, the conductivity and connectivity are different. This is all well studied. However, it also affects the neuro-motor system, the GI system, hormones, and immune function... it's not limited to the brain. Again... all well-studied.

Now, he is correct that autistic children appear to accumulate heavy metals due to metabolic differences and pro-inflammatory foods can exacerbate symptoms due to neuro-inflammatory processes... but it doesn't "cause" the autism. Proper diet can "reduce" some symptoms... not eliminate. A diet rich in anti-oxidants, "good" fats, minimize carbs, methyl B complex, L-theanine, etc. can help many people. Exercise, sauna,...sweating... can leach heavy metals out of the body.