Why don’t people talk about their feelings anymore?

[Jenisautistic]

Hey guys I never noticed this until recently but it seems like whenever I try to get a conversation about feelings or just a conversation in general nobody seems to want to listen i’m talking about in person when people that you wanna have a conversation about feelings or something like they act like as if somethings wrong oryou need to see a therapist

 

[menander]

Yes! I have noticed!! I had a conversation about this just the other day.

When big Pharma came out with anti-depressants it made it wrong even to have them. If you read novels and hear music even up to the 80's, before Prozac, there are so many more nuanced and outright blatant references to things like angst, existential confusion, and despair. But those things are laughed at now. It is just considered drama. Janis Joplin would have "just needed Prozac." Fade to Black would never have been written. Half of heavy metal songs would be never have the emotional fuel to create them.

All that is out there today is romantic love songs with repetitive beats, uninspired and vapid music----mainstream of course.

If you cry or laugh too loudly or show emotion too strongly, or even a furrowed brow on too many occasions, you are borderline and need therapy or Prozac.

Now this is just what I surmised. I would love to hear what others think

 

[SDRSpark]

I don't know about "anymore"...I think this has always been a problem and if anything, the tide has shifted the other way (and, if you aren't listening to pop music, rock is still alive and well).

I've actually thought about this a lot lately...stoicism only gets you so far (and I'd argue is harmful in the long run - you can only push down so much stuff before it explodes into a mess or screws up your life in some way because you haven't been dealing with it and don't know how to actually face it. I know this because I've spent the past year or so working my butt off to develop emotional intelligence because I didn't have much at all and the lack of it got me into trouble...only to have my more stoic friends become concerned because they saw the progress I was making as a negative...*sigh*.)

 

[Sarah S]

Hey guys I never noticed this until recently but it seems like whenever I try to get a conversation about feelings or just a conversation in general nobody seems to want to listen i’m talking about in person when people that you wanna have a conversation about feelings or something like they act like as if somethings wrong or you need to see a therapist

I would say it difers between gender Jenni , us wimen /girls often have no problems in talking feelings and i have many guys /men starting to open up to me as they feel im someone they can trust and im also a girl /women. Guys talking to eatchoder about feelings or dare to show them openly are concidered a BIG NO NO. Between men /boys. as that will risk making you seem weak to youre peers.

You also have the problem between friends ass they really arent able to understand you or risk hurting you due to some missunderstanding (not there fault tho ) , or simply they arent able to or just dont care or bother as they have other things they feel is more important (and i can also respect that )

 

[SDRSpark]

I would say it difers between gender Jenni , us wimen /girls often have no problems in talking feelings and i have many guys /men starting to open up to me as they feel im someone they can trust and im also a girl /women. Guys talking to eatchoder about feelings or dare to show them openly are concidered a BIG NO NO. Between men /boys. as that will risk making you seem weak to youre peers.

You also have the problem between friends ass they really arent able to understand you or risk hurting you due to some missunderstanding (not there fault tho ) , or simply they arent able to or just dont care or bother as they have other things they feel is more important (and i can also respect that )

I agree with this...there are also cultural differences depending on where you live (or where your family is from) and cultural differences in certain professions - in short, this is by far not a consistent thing, though it's generally an issue. Some places/times it's more of an issue than others.

 

[Major Tom]

People as a general rule only care about how they are feeling I think.

 

[LunaticCentruroides]

I think it depends more on who you are talking to.

If I talk to someone about difficult emotions, I pick the ones that went through similar stuff themselves/or the ones that know my difficult situation.
My impression is that it got way better these days to talk about feelings. Also where you live/your society is a desicive factor.

 

[Fino]

I talk about feelings too much, I'm tired of my feelings, and some people around me seem to talk about them frequently as well, though it's true that many never do, which makes me wonder if they're feelings just aren't as strong or if they just feel no need to ever mention them.

 

[BrokenBoy]

Antidepressants are good tho.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

I think this varies a lot from person to person, and how close your relationship is to that person. I know some people who talk about their feelings a lot, and encourage others to do the same.

Personally I'm not comfortable talking about my feelings with someone unless we are very close friends, and listening to others I'm not close to talk about their feelings is boring at best.

 

[SusanLR]

Cultural teachings is number one IMO.
Some cultures express emotions very easily and will cry and wail,
while others have been taught from birth it is a social faux pas to do so.

Gender plays a part too due to social upbringings.
Girls can cry or talk about their feelings.
Men are taught it is a weakness to express emotions.
Sometimes strong controlling emotions seem to be alright so the men think.
Like acts of being overbearing, speaking back to someone who is insulting, etc.
That isn't feminine for girls we are taught.

Unbelievable how a male friend of mine can talk or call me when he is upset and speak
so openly and say how he feels. Things like I would only talk with a therapist about.
He even admits he finds himself talking to me like he never talks to anyone else except his
therapist.
He is Aspie, but, he wonders why he feels so at ease with me that he can talk about in whatever
words he wants with me only. Sometimes very intimate issues.

I, myself, find it difficult to talk about what I feel emotionally to others.

 

[Progster]

Yes, it's true, and it's true for most cultures. Generally speaking, people don't want to hear about other people's problems. If you are depressed, anxious or have mental health issues, they don't want to know and will distance themselves from you if you try to open up. Depression can be very lonely. It's rare to find someone who you can open up to and trust that they will listen and won't abuse your trust and gossip.

 

[Aspychata]

Also the times right now are explosively wrought with a multitudes of very scary feelings. We are dealing with job losses, police problems, these are serious issues and some of us feel numb and in denial.

So there are many things to talk about but it's easy to deny for many of us.

 

[Federico Fernández]

Hi. I think like many said above that it's cultural thing sometimes. I live in Argentina, where though one of the most free societies on Earth about gender identity, sexual orientation, or whatever you can think about, there's still a macho side of the population, especially among elder males that taught men especially to never express their feelings, or otherwise become the easy target as a snowflake, a weak person, a weak man.

I try never to hide my feelings lately, from 17 to my current 26 years of age (I'm now 27), I tried to hide everything because I didn't like others to know how I was feeling. I no longer care about myself in that way. I know that it's normal, perfectly healthy thing to do to express one's feelings.

You are not less of a man, or less of a woman if you express your feelings.

PS: The World today, especially with a brutal turn of tide in 2020, has become selfish, self-centered and arrogant, prompting people to be reluctant about talking with others.

Greetings