Sander-Schagen
New Member
First i want to make clear, that i am NOT the story below.
That story belongs to the Social Virtual Reality and is ruled by words and narratives.
It contains Past and Present, Longings and Fears, Fame and Infamy.
I am the Consciousness that experiences the HERE & NOW.
As such, i have NO properties.
OK. So far.
My story in relation to Autism. Short version...
I was born 2 years after WWII in Amsterdam.
I remember (visual) having serious stomach-pain at the age of 4 or 5, which later appeared to be a chronic stomach ulcer and recently is assumed to be caused by an autoimmune reaction.
I remember having hives as a child of ~7. My mother told me i was allergic for foods like colored candy, pork. This turns out to be and Autoimmune reaction on the histamine that is produced by the immune-system because of the allergy.
I remember to have had many many allergies during my life, mainly hay-fever-type.
I remember having a stomach bleeding at about 7 years. My mother detected it. I had never told that i sometimes had heavy stomach-pains. i don't know why, i hid myself as a wounded animal till the pain was gone...
I remember having a few stomach-pain attacks yearly until the age of 21. At that age i discovered the relation between those attacks and the amount of Anxiety just before those attacks. I trained on not letting Anxiety overwhelm me any more.
When i was 13 years old, 1960, my mother brought me to a Psychiatrist. I did not question that, she never explained why.
I was diagnosed and he stated that i was "highly intelligent", IQ 169, one in a million. In that time Asperger was not known widely.
I received a scholarship for a boarding school to attend high school from the city of Amsterdam.
That is how i could finish that school.
Somehow i survived the Protests against the Vietnam War and the Hippie time and found a job as Programmer at IBM in 1968 and i had relations (13) of which 4 marriages.
I fond out i had a very high Talent for Complex systems, that seemed to be rare and in high demand.
When i reached the level of System Integration, projects that included multiple disciplines of Technology (Systems, Computers, Networks), i noticed that those had no secrets for me and i finished them in time, within budget, even when internal politics tried to stop me.
I worked as Freelancer in Europa and the US for Banks (among others, integrating the ICT-Infrastructures of ABN & AMRO banks and the Joining of the NMB and Rijkspostspaarbank), Oil Refineries Stock Exchanges, Ministries, the Army and i even connected the Dutch Central Bank and the Largest Dutch Bank to the Internet.
Why do i tell this ?
I now realize, that i could do this, because i held a balance. In my social life (which was not very successful), in the evenings and weekends i became overloaded to the point of shutdowns and sometimes even breakdowns. During the daytime, at work, i immersed in the complexity of my systems, possibilities and risks and the "network of knowledge" in my Projects.
IN HYPERFOCUS.
I did not know then, that others could not do this. Now i found out it is the same as "FLOW" in medical knowledge in Top-sports.
There they call it "Transient Hypofrontality", the temporary shutdown of the Frontal Neocortex and effortlessly go with the stream of the Sensorimotor + feelings. A road people with AD(H)D and Autism know all about.
It is what is sometimes called : "Thinking in Pictures", but those words do not explain it.
I formulate it now: The "3D Sensorimotor Space plus Feelings Gestalt", the definition of (non-verbal / wordless) "reality".
This i realized AFTER my diagnosis, after a Burnout, that came at the end of my carrier as ICT-Architect at the Dutch Railways, after a collision with the CIO, who ordered me to remove a "risk" from my yearly report, which i opposed.
After that i contacted a Psychologist and after that a Psychiatrist, who diagnosed me as "Asperger" 9 years ago.
I divorced my last wife and started living on my own. I do have some social contacts, my ex, one of my children, a handful of friends and a growing number of Autistics all over the world on Twitter.
I found that emptiness is something i do not like too long and i wanted to do something that is profitable for humankind and balance that with playing MMORPG games watching old Movies, listening old music (i have huge collections now) and research on the field of Autism, which i intend to share here with all of you who like that.
I chose to do research for TRUTH in the fields of Science (SARS2, Climate Change, History) and Geopolitics (Ukraine, Middle-East and more), for that last i refer you to my Twitter Account (X).
The last subject i leave to whenever it is meaningful: introspection. When looking for who you are, you must realize that you can never find that. You are that which is searching and cannot be seen. "The eye that sees but cannot be seen". You are NOT a puppet in the Huge Universe... You are "The Unlimited Conscious Space, in which everything happens"... - It is called non-duality.
Sander.
That story belongs to the Social Virtual Reality and is ruled by words and narratives.
It contains Past and Present, Longings and Fears, Fame and Infamy.
I am the Consciousness that experiences the HERE & NOW.
As such, i have NO properties.
OK. So far.
My story in relation to Autism. Short version...
I was born 2 years after WWII in Amsterdam.
I remember (visual) having serious stomach-pain at the age of 4 or 5, which later appeared to be a chronic stomach ulcer and recently is assumed to be caused by an autoimmune reaction.
I remember having hives as a child of ~7. My mother told me i was allergic for foods like colored candy, pork. This turns out to be and Autoimmune reaction on the histamine that is produced by the immune-system because of the allergy.
I remember to have had many many allergies during my life, mainly hay-fever-type.
I remember having a stomach bleeding at about 7 years. My mother detected it. I had never told that i sometimes had heavy stomach-pains. i don't know why, i hid myself as a wounded animal till the pain was gone...
I remember having a few stomach-pain attacks yearly until the age of 21. At that age i discovered the relation between those attacks and the amount of Anxiety just before those attacks. I trained on not letting Anxiety overwhelm me any more.
When i was 13 years old, 1960, my mother brought me to a Psychiatrist. I did not question that, she never explained why.
I was diagnosed and he stated that i was "highly intelligent", IQ 169, one in a million. In that time Asperger was not known widely.
I received a scholarship for a boarding school to attend high school from the city of Amsterdam.
That is how i could finish that school.
Somehow i survived the Protests against the Vietnam War and the Hippie time and found a job as Programmer at IBM in 1968 and i had relations (13) of which 4 marriages.
I fond out i had a very high Talent for Complex systems, that seemed to be rare and in high demand.
When i reached the level of System Integration, projects that included multiple disciplines of Technology (Systems, Computers, Networks), i noticed that those had no secrets for me and i finished them in time, within budget, even when internal politics tried to stop me.
I worked as Freelancer in Europa and the US for Banks (among others, integrating the ICT-Infrastructures of ABN & AMRO banks and the Joining of the NMB and Rijkspostspaarbank), Oil Refineries Stock Exchanges, Ministries, the Army and i even connected the Dutch Central Bank and the Largest Dutch Bank to the Internet.
Why do i tell this ?
I now realize, that i could do this, because i held a balance. In my social life (which was not very successful), in the evenings and weekends i became overloaded to the point of shutdowns and sometimes even breakdowns. During the daytime, at work, i immersed in the complexity of my systems, possibilities and risks and the "network of knowledge" in my Projects.
IN HYPERFOCUS.
I did not know then, that others could not do this. Now i found out it is the same as "FLOW" in medical knowledge in Top-sports.
There they call it "Transient Hypofrontality", the temporary shutdown of the Frontal Neocortex and effortlessly go with the stream of the Sensorimotor + feelings. A road people with AD(H)D and Autism know all about.
It is what is sometimes called : "Thinking in Pictures", but those words do not explain it.
I formulate it now: The "3D Sensorimotor Space plus Feelings Gestalt", the definition of (non-verbal / wordless) "reality".
This i realized AFTER my diagnosis, after a Burnout, that came at the end of my carrier as ICT-Architect at the Dutch Railways, after a collision with the CIO, who ordered me to remove a "risk" from my yearly report, which i opposed.
After that i contacted a Psychologist and after that a Psychiatrist, who diagnosed me as "Asperger" 9 years ago.
I divorced my last wife and started living on my own. I do have some social contacts, my ex, one of my children, a handful of friends and a growing number of Autistics all over the world on Twitter.
I found that emptiness is something i do not like too long and i wanted to do something that is profitable for humankind and balance that with playing MMORPG games watching old Movies, listening old music (i have huge collections now) and research on the field of Autism, which i intend to share here with all of you who like that.
I chose to do research for TRUTH in the fields of Science (SARS2, Climate Change, History) and Geopolitics (Ukraine, Middle-East and more), for that last i refer you to my Twitter Account (X).
The last subject i leave to whenever it is meaningful: introspection. When looking for who you are, you must realize that you can never find that. You are that which is searching and cannot be seen. "The eye that sees but cannot be seen". You are NOT a puppet in the Huge Universe... You are "The Unlimited Conscious Space, in which everything happens"... - It is called non-duality.
Sander.
