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Sander-Schagen

New Member
First i want to make clear, that i am NOT the story below.
That story belongs to the Social Virtual Reality and is ruled by words and narratives.
It contains Past and Present, Longings and Fears, Fame and Infamy.
I am the Consciousness that experiences the HERE & NOW.
As such, i have NO properties.

OK. So far.

My story in relation to Autism. Short version...
I was born 2 years after WWII in Amsterdam.
I remember (visual) having serious stomach-pain at the age of 4 or 5, which later appeared to be a chronic stomach ulcer and recently is assumed to be caused by an autoimmune reaction.
I remember having hives as a child of ~7. My mother told me i was allergic for foods like colored candy, pork. This turns out to be and Autoimmune reaction on the histamine that is produced by the immune-system because of the allergy.
I remember to have had many many allergies during my life, mainly hay-fever-type.
I remember having a stomach bleeding at about 7 years. My mother detected it. I had never told that i sometimes had heavy stomach-pains. i don't know why, i hid myself as a wounded animal till the pain was gone...
I remember having a few stomach-pain attacks yearly until the age of 21. At that age i discovered the relation between those attacks and the amount of Anxiety just before those attacks. I trained on not letting Anxiety overwhelm me any more.

When i was 13 years old, 1960, my mother brought me to a Psychiatrist. I did not question that, she never explained why.
I was diagnosed and he stated that i was "highly intelligent", IQ 169, one in a million. In that time Asperger was not known widely.
I received a scholarship for a boarding school to attend high school from the city of Amsterdam.
That is how i could finish that school.
Somehow i survived the Protests against the Vietnam War and the Hippie time and found a job as Programmer at IBM in 1968 and i had relations (13) of which 4 marriages.
I fond out i had a very high Talent for Complex systems, that seemed to be rare and in high demand.
When i reached the level of System Integration, projects that included multiple disciplines of Technology (Systems, Computers, Networks), i noticed that those had no secrets for me and i finished them in time, within budget, even when internal politics tried to stop me.
I worked as Freelancer in Europa and the US for Banks (among others, integrating the ICT-Infrastructures of ABN & AMRO banks and the Joining of the NMB and Rijkspostspaarbank), Oil Refineries Stock Exchanges, Ministries, the Army and i even connected the Dutch Central Bank and the Largest Dutch Bank to the Internet.

Why do i tell this ?

I now realize, that i could do this, because i held a balance. In my social life (which was not very successful), in the evenings and weekends i became overloaded to the point of shutdowns and sometimes even breakdowns. During the daytime, at work, i immersed in the complexity of my systems, possibilities and risks and the "network of knowledge" in my Projects.
IN HYPERFOCUS.
I did not know then, that others could not do this. Now i found out it is the same as "FLOW" in medical knowledge in Top-sports.
There they call it "Transient Hypofrontality", the temporary shutdown of the Frontal Neocortex and effortlessly go with the stream of the Sensorimotor + feelings. A road people with AD(H)D and Autism know all about.
It is what is sometimes called : "Thinking in Pictures", but those words do not explain it.
I formulate it now: The "3D Sensorimotor Space plus Feelings Gestalt", the definition of (non-verbal / wordless) "reality".

This i realized AFTER my diagnosis, after a Burnout, that came at the end of my carrier as ICT-Architect at the Dutch Railways, after a collision with the CIO, who ordered me to remove a "risk" from my yearly report, which i opposed.

After that i contacted a Psychologist and after that a Psychiatrist, who diagnosed me as "Asperger" 9 years ago.
I divorced my last wife and started living on my own. I do have some social contacts, my ex, one of my children, a handful of friends and a growing number of Autistics all over the world on Twitter.
I found that emptiness is something i do not like too long and i wanted to do something that is profitable for humankind and balance that with playing MMORPG games watching old Movies, listening old music (i have huge collections now) and research on the field of Autism, which i intend to share here with all of you who like that.
I chose to do research for TRUTH in the fields of Science (SARS2, Climate Change, History) and Geopolitics (Ukraine, Middle-East and more), for that last i refer you to my Twitter Account (X).
The last subject i leave to whenever it is meaningful: introspection. When looking for who you are, you must realize that you can never find that. You are that which is searching and cannot be seen. "The eye that sees but cannot be seen". You are NOT a puppet in the Huge Universe... You are "The Unlimited Conscious Space, in which everything happens"... - It is called non-duality.

Sander.

Cassandra.jpg
 
Love it!
You sound fascinating to me!
The"TRUTH"-geo politics, environmental science etc), Autism, and Consciousness/nature of reality and Self- aspects of your story are some interests that I share with you.

I understand the flow state you speak of, I have applied that to music, in the form of vocals and dancing; I came out of my deeply traumatized autistic semi non-verbal adolescence through performance art and child-having. I have 7of those and now 2 grandchildren.

I share an IQ in the mid one forties with my same phenotype youngest child (male) and fellow neurodivergent partner of 13 years (NOT the father of my children).

I grew up on the east coast of Australia in the "Hippy" subculture from the early seventies . It was not very fun, being of much chaotic upheaval and perpetual adolescence type consciousness with all the drug use and ungrounded idealism..

I enjoy the Australian bush, very much though.

I recently joined this forum too.

I have applied myself to trauma and burn out recovery and mental health peer support since retiring from my music performance slash consciousness raising career around various issues, environmental responsibility and repair, wholistic health care and art-as-therapy in mental health, to mention a few things.

I am working on a card set of received information I call "Spiritual Herbology" and I also do flow writing,also known as automatic writing of a deeply benevolent nature, and draw and paint a little.

Currently working to overcome agoraphobic tendencies and supporting my youngest child in his musical and political aspirations and other children of mine with their children and other children of mine with various neurodivergent disabilities.
I identify, and am newly diagnosed as a AuDHDer.
 
Love it!
You sound fascinating to me!
The"TRUTH"-geo politics, environmental science etc), Autism, and Consciousness/nature of reality and Self- aspects of your story are some interests that I share with you.

I understand the flow state you speak of, I have applied that to music, in the form of vocals and dancing; I came out of my deeply traumatized autistic semi non-verbal adolescence through performance art and child-having. I have 7of those and now 2 grandchildren.

I share an IQ in the mid one forties with my same phenotype youngest child (male) and fellow neurodivergent partner of 13 years (NOT the father of my children).

I grew up on the east coast of Australia in the "Hippy" subculture from the early seventies . It was not very fun, being of much chaotic upheaval and perpetual adolescence type consciousness with all the drug use and ungrounded idealism..

I enjoy the Australian bush, very much though.

I recently joined this forum too.

I have applied myself to trauma and burn out recovery and mental health peer support since retiring from my music performance slash consciousness raising career around various issues, environmental responsibility and repair, wholistic health care and art-as-therapy in mental health, to mention a few things.

I am working on a card set of received information I call "Spiritual Herbology" and I also do flow writing,also known as automatic writing of a deeply benevolent nature, and draw and paint a little.

Currently working to overcome agoraphobic tendencies and supporting my youngest child in his musical and political aspirations and other children of mine with their children and other children of mine with various neurodivergent disabilities.
I identify, and am newly diagnosed as a AuDHDer.
Thank You !

Two friends of mine and their 2 daughters live in Melbourne, we email often.

I met on Twitter Caitlin Johnstone, from Oz too, caitoz, she spreads daily poems, short stories and reactions on what happens on the world and she is very far in Consciousness. And ofc she is Autistic too. Recommended.

Understanding the essence of the Flow-state and its opposite, the Neurotypical way of thinking, in their Virtual Reality, the Matrix of words and Narratives, is of very high importance in finding your true self as an Autistic.
From the world of science around sports and "Flow" i found this paper.
It describes where in the brain both ways of "thinking" are happening and how they differ greatly.
I attached it: "Neurocognitive Mechanism underlying the experience of flow". It is very very interesting.
It describes Flow (and so too Hyperfocus) as "Transient Hypofrontality", the temporary disconnection of the frontal neocortex, where all the Neurotypical thinking happens... Maybe it gives you new ways of performing in wholistic health care and therapies...

I came to the conclusion, that people in the spectrum, Neurodiverse people, share the same origin, hereditary Genetic differences in the Brain, with a common cause: The GABA-Switch-Delay at birth.
But "scientists" look mostly at the outside (behavior) and want to chance that to what for them is "normal". They do not try to understand what it really IS. I call us a new Homo Sapiens Subspecies. I will certainly come back on this subject here.

Sander
 

Attachments

  • Neurocognitive mechanisms underlying the experience of flow.pdf
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Hi there!

I gotta say, what you've written here is fascinating. I can identify with some of it, while other parts not so much.

The bit about the flow state is interesting to me. I'm aware of the term, I've heard of it many times, but my understanding of it is... kinda wobbly. I've heard it used in different ways before. The way it applies to me (or at least I think that's what this is) is sort of like, "expansion". My primary trait, the thing I'm best at, is that I can mentally process and track a huge number of individual things at once, to the point where if there isnt ENOUGH to process, I'll get progressively more and more agitated until a breakdown occurs. The "flow" state for me is sort of an expansion of that. During that, I can process even more things around me at once, and the "range" of it seems to increase as well... frankly, it's very bizarre to experience.

And while it SOUNDS great, it's actually very unpleasant. It is draining, and I will actually physically overheat while in that state (which is the part that makes the least sense to me, I seriously cant understand why that happens), and I will generally be rather dazed after it wears off. So... useful, but I dont like doing it.

There's other stuff I could talk about here too but I dont really want to clog up your intro thread too much.

I will say though, I like MMOs as well. Though it's been awhile since I've played one, I've been meaning to get back to the genre recently... just aint done it yet. I used to play them a ton but had to stop after my arm flared up for the first time. Now though, that's gotten better.

Anyway, welcome to the forums.
 
Fascinating intro. Definitely feel a flow when l concentrate on accomplishing a extremely difficult task, it's difficulty being measured in the probability it can't be done. I just sold a older car sitting in a movie theater with my cell phone. I had to use a flow connectivity thought process to help release someone from making any more payments. Yes, welcome. I have donut properties.
 
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Thank You !

Two friends of mine and their 2 daughters live in Melbourne, we email often.

I met on Twitter Caitlin Johnstone, from Oz too, caitoz, she spreads daily poems, short stories and reactions on what happens on the world and she is very far in Consciousness. And ofc she is Autistic too. Recommended.

Understanding the essence of the Flow-state and its opposite, the Neurotypical way of thinking, in their Virtual Reality, the Matrix of words and Narratives, is of very high importance in finding your true self as an Autistic.
From the world of science around sports and "Flow" i found this paper.
It describes where in the brain both ways of "thinking" are happening and how they differ greatly.
I attached it: "Neurocognitive Mechanism underlying the experience of flow". It is very very interesting.
It describes Flow (and so too Hyperfocus) as "Transient Hypofrontality", the temporary disconnection of the frontal neocortex, where all the Neurotypical thinking happens... Maybe it gives you new ways of performing in wholistic health care and therapies...

I came to the conclusion, that people in the spectrum, Neurodiverse people, share the same origin, hereditary Genetic differences in the Brain, with a common cause: The GABA-Switch-Delay at birth.
But "scientists" look mostly at the outside (behavior) and want to chance that to what for them is "normal". They do not try to understand what it really IS. I call us a new Homo Sapiens Subspecies. I will certainly come back on this subject here.

Sander
I read the article. Not sure how much of it I actually processed though. I know the flow state so well! Having been a musical improv artist for many, many years, and I learnt to dance, I think, because of my autistic difficulty in communicating and connecting with people.

These two things were "languages" I became proficient, in prior to becoming a decent conversationalist, and I consider myself much less proficient in conversation, to this day, except with my nearest and dearest, than I am with my skills as a performance artist. Although I rarely practise these skills nowadays.

I became a improv artist, because of my ADHD, I think. Rehearsing the same songs became very boring for me, when I was in my then-partner's band and I would enjoy jamming with the guys in soundchecks.

This was after significant "kundalini" experiences.

I've now sang, possibly,
thousands of hours of improv compositions, but ask me what I just sang and I couldn't replicate it.

singing was my stim for many years.


My automatic writing skill is another fascinating phenomena.

Really, I equate my singing and writing skills to forms of channelling.
 
After much consideration and process of elimination I believe you are:

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt​


;)
 
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