When Family Dont Believe You...

[ShadeSilverwing]

Hey Question. How to handle this? I have taken high quality tests online to self diagnose myself with high functioning Asperger's. Well over ten times. All have the same result. I have never felt like I fit in in my family and always been the black sheep, and proud of it. I have excellent self awareness and keen judgment and critical thinking, spiritual intuition. And yet, one of my my last remaining relatives does not believe I have Aspergers because "I dont have the signs". She doesn't know what the signs are and doesnt know me. Its rather an insult to my intelligence to bark out a judgment like that.

So I argue back that shes mistaken and point out the flaws in her logic. All she does is try to patronize me more by saying "You cant have it because youre not officially diagnosed". I then point out the insane expense of obtaining an Asperger's diagnosis as an adult and that according to that reasoning, 90% of adults who have it are never diagnosed officially, then, so does this mean they dont have it? Most cannot afford the expense. Its hard enough even getting it for children.

If someone has mole on their ass, they still have a mole on their ass, whether the doctor "diagnosis it" or not.
People annoy me. I digress.
Any advice on how to handle this? I thought of sending her the list of 50 traits I have of Asperger's, might be a start.... including the tendency to BE a smart ass. Bite me.

 

[Stuttermabolur]

My only advice to you is to be satisfied with accepting yourself. It's impossible to convince people who refuse to listen or respect you.

 

[ShadeSilverwing]

My only advice to you is to be satisfied with accepting yourself. It's impossible to convince people who refuse to listen or respect you.

Thank you, but I have that covered, in spades. When I was born I screamed in horror at the world I came into and resolved to embrace who I was.....because very few other people ever would. Ive never cared what others think. But my cynical, dark, goth heart demands better judgment and justice, via principle.......from this 'aunt' I must live with. We get in a lot of arguments. And yes, I am stubborn, and fierce and dont back down from a fight usually.

Ignorance like this should be illegal. I feel compelled by resolve. I will do whatever necessary for her to accept it. Even if I have to haunt her in the afterlife.

I ordered a shirt that says "I see Stupid People". I could wear that every day and hope she gets the point.

 

[Demon_Scientist_069420]

I'm going to be blunt with you. If you've become really good at masking, it is nye impossible to get someone to believe you, especially if you're considered "high-functioning". I'm almost 30, and wasn't officially diagnosed until late last year. I always knew I had autism, and brought it up with my mother, albeit in a joking manner, but her responses were always "that's not possible". I haven't talked to my mother about my diagnosis, and don't plan to for a good while. I feel like I'm ranting, and going off on a tangent, but there's always going to be people who don't believe you. I'm terrible at trying to tell stories/make.online posts and what not, so I apologize in advance for the incoherent ramblings lol

 

[Alexej]

And yet, one of my my last remaining relatives does not believe I have Aspergers because "I dont have the signs".

Firstly welcome ot the Forums

You are not alone in this dilemma, and there there is not much you can do about it.
As they say there is none so blind as those who dont want to see.

 

[ShadeSilverwing]

I'm going to be blunt with you. If you've become really good at masking, it is nye impossible to get someone to believe you, especially if you're considered "high-functioning". I'm almost 30, and wasn't officially diagnosed until late last year. I always knew I had autism, and brought it up with my mother, albeit in a joking manner, but her responses were always "that's not possible". I haven't talked to my mother about my diagnosis, and don't plan to for a good while. I feel like I'm ranting, and going off on a tangent, but there's always going to be people who don't believe you. I'm terrible at trying to tell stories/make.online posts and what not, so I apologize in advance for the incoherent ramblings lol

Blunt with me? I prefer sharp. I like my blades. In all seriousness though...yes, correct, I am very good at masking. I have done so all my life not to conform to society around me, (which I couldnt care less for), but to meet my own standards.... as a ghost I prefer to fly below the radar undetected. I wear shades 24/7, because my senses are hyper developed.....I'm nocturnal and hate bright lights. I also hate eye contact because lacking empathy I dont want to look people in the eyes when they tell me some sob story and Ive been told my gaze is intense and freaks people out.

How did you get an official diagnosis? May I ask where you live? I am in Canada and its expensive as hell here to obtain one. I know there will always be idiots who dont believe. It matters not to me, and thats their damage. However, I have to live with my aunt (or Martha Stewart as Ive nicknamed her), and it would be in my best interest, and lessen our constant arguing and stress between us if she understood and just respected who I am. Its a matter of principle for me, and open up a lot of doors and help her to understand why I am this way. Im not negative, or a narcissist, for f's sake, open your eyes.

I hear you about your mother, I know I am not the only one. Cheers

 

[ShadeSilverwing]

Firstly welcome ot the Forums

You are not alone in this dilemma, and there there is not much you can do about it.
As they say there is none so blind as those who dont want to see.

Thanx, nice to hear it. Appreciate the welcome.

 

[Shevek]

There are people who are only smart enough to go by the rules, not their own judgement. For such people, only an official certificate counts. Sometimes, we just have to steer around the rocks in the river, not try to dig them out.

 

[AO1501]

Many older people think autism is something children 'get', and it makes them sit and rock backwards and forwards all day, waving their hands about in front of their faces, and squeaking like a pig.

This is not because they're stupid, but because up to only a few years ago, this was the commonly circulating picture of what an autistic person was like.

Your aunt has probably seen this, and only this, to create a frame of reference. In my experience, there's no point in arguing because she has her evidence and it has proven to be accurate in all zero of the cases she knows.

Buy her a copy of Neurotribes, and tell her that she can ignore it and remain ignorant, or read it and discover a million new truths. It's then up to her.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Perhaps your relatives see you as "normal", because they are undiagnosed aspies themselves.

 

[Judge]

I suspect most NTs don't have a clue of the subtleties of those with ASD level 1. And how easily we slide under the radar of some of the best medical professionals. Not to mention our female counterparts who probably have an even more difficult time of being diagnosed.

And with parents and relatives, that unfortunate "NOT MY CHILD" mentality may exist. Where they simply don't want to deal with the stigmatization of it all in their eyes.

Classic reasons IMO as to when and why one's own family doesn't believe you. It's tough, but listening to so many with similar issues leads me to believe that it's "par for the course" more often than not. Sad, but there you have it.

 

[Princess Viola]

Unfortunately a lot of people are just stubborn and set in their ways of what they've learned autism 'looks' like.

 

[ShadeSilverwing]

Thank you for the book suggestion.

Many older people think autism is something children 'get', and it makes them sit and rock backwards and forwards all day, waving their hands about in front of their faces, and squeaking like a pig.

This is not because they're stupid, but because up to only a few years ago, this was the commonly circulating picture of what an autistic person was like.

Your aunt has probably seen this, and only this, to create a frame of reference. In my experience, there's no point in arguing because she has her evidence and it has proven to be accurate in all zero of the cases she knows.

Buy her a copy of Neurotribes, and tell her that she can ignore it and remain ignorant, or read it and discover a million new truths. It's then up to her.

She one of those NT who "thinks" they know what Aspergers looks like, while simultaneously thinking they know me ....when they don't know either.

You read my mind when you said "Buy her a copy of Neurotribes, and tell her that she can ignore it and remain ignorant, or read it and discover a million new truths. It's then up to her.".
That was my plan of approach. Then the responsibility is on her.

P.S. My relatives never saw me as normal. The words "Cynic", "Goth", "Freak", "Stubborn" come to mind, however, and Ive worn them with pride...

I view being called normal as an insult. Thankfully I never have been.

 

[Forest Cat]

Does it change anything if she believes you? I mean, does it make any difference in your life or change anything?

 

[Mr. Stevens]

She one of those NT who "thinks" they know what Aspergers looks like, while simultaneously thinking they know me ....when they don't know either.

I feel like this has become some kind of competition, in recent years. I work with the IDD/DD population, and am constantly told what Autism is like, by people who have no clue. And never recognize my "oddities" as such. I have to take amusement from it, at this point.

 

[ShadeSilverwing]

There are people who are only smart enough to go by the rules, not their own judgement. For such people, only an official certificate counts. Sometimes, we just have to steer around the rocks in the river, not try to dig them out.

Couldnt have said it better myself. I'm a non conformist and shes a rule follower. That summarizes it. I didnt nickname her Martha Stewart for nothing.

Does it change anything if she believes you? I mean, does it make any difference in your life or change anything?

Indeed it would. We're constantly fighting, and I avoid her at all costs; when we both need to interact by default as adults to survive here. The tension and stress from her abuse and gaslighting is thick, 90% of the time. I've had enough history family drama and past abuse/neglect from them already.

So, Id like some peace for once without stress, if you follow me. Her respecting/understanding me and the Aspergers end of it would go miles in achieving this.