theporgsnest
Well-Known Member
(Apologies in advance if this thread has already been done to death...)
Whether you chose to mask or not at all, or you only do so in specific situations like work etc: is there any particular one you really have to combat, or can't seem to get the hang of?
For example, mine would be the supposedly very simple, 'How are you/how have you been?' and variants thereof. Now in my mind I know that it's a pure social courtesy to begin a conversation and the person is not asking for my actual life story - just a brief response and then I ask them likewise, and so on.
But what really happens, is I almost panic trying to formulate the right words. My heart begins to race. Double that if I am in a group of people, because my social anxiety convinces me I'm being 'watched' for my correct, socially appropriate response. And this happens, without fail, everytime. (I remember when I was a not-so-younger adult, reeling off a lengthy response to a family friend at a gathering. Then, later I was pulled aside by my mum in which she told me that what I did wasn't wrong per se, but the family friend in question wasn't actually asking me how I was. It was just a formality: to which I said quite frankly 'why do people ask questions they don't want honestly answering.'
And yes I suppose the solution would be to save myself the anxiety and stress and go with the appropriate short answer. But then in mind it isn't adequate enough. Sometimes I can come away from a conversation not having learned anything interesting about these new people because of small talk. I guess that's how the NT world works, though.
Whether you chose to mask or not at all, or you only do so in specific situations like work etc: is there any particular one you really have to combat, or can't seem to get the hang of?
For example, mine would be the supposedly very simple, 'How are you/how have you been?' and variants thereof. Now in my mind I know that it's a pure social courtesy to begin a conversation and the person is not asking for my actual life story - just a brief response and then I ask them likewise, and so on.
But what really happens, is I almost panic trying to formulate the right words. My heart begins to race. Double that if I am in a group of people, because my social anxiety convinces me I'm being 'watched' for my correct, socially appropriate response. And this happens, without fail, everytime. (I remember when I was a not-so-younger adult, reeling off a lengthy response to a family friend at a gathering. Then, later I was pulled aside by my mum in which she told me that what I did wasn't wrong per se, but the family friend in question wasn't actually asking me how I was. It was just a formality: to which I said quite frankly 'why do people ask questions they don't want honestly answering.'
And yes I suppose the solution would be to save myself the anxiety and stress and go with the appropriate short answer. But then in mind it isn't adequate enough. Sometimes I can come away from a conversation not having learned anything interesting about these new people because of small talk. I guess that's how the NT world works, though.