What makes you feel loved?

[FreeDiver]

What makes me feel loved? Only my creator in heaven will know because I have never experienced it here on earth and I don't think that I ever will.

 

[InfinityRose]

I've never experienced romantic love, so this question might be difficult for me to answer. But, what I'll always appreciate above all are two things: the knowledge that I am completely safe to be myself with a person, and the ability to have deep, meaningful conversations. If one or both of those criteria aren't met, then a romantic relationship (or close friendship) is not going to happen. Compliments are nice, and so are gifts, but none of that could ever replace a real connection.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that we tend to care less about material things or compliments (unless it relates to our special interests) and more about substance. Maybe try to do something that you both enjoy together when you get the chance to see him, whether it's going to a movie,a convention, or whatever else. If you get him to talk about his special interests, then that could be a good way to get him to open up and make him feel loved.

 

[OlLiE]

when my wife through her actions shows that she understands and accepts me
when she knows when to leave me alone and hen to give me a hug
when she understands my limitations and doesn't make feel like they are shortcomings

i tend to quantify and benchmark emotions

 

[Mary Terry]

My boyfriend used to send me pictures of Brussels sprouts, not that I am suggesting you do exactly that. We used to send each other things that tended to interest us, or one of us, that other people wouldn't have ever thought about. And oddly things like Brussels sprouts and root veggies interest both of us on some weird level. It was how uniquely personal the thoughts were. Had he sent me roses I wouldn't have felt much. The Velveeta basket though really made me feel loved. Who gives anyone a Velveeta basket? Not a cliche at all. Anyhoo, that's just me, I'm odd even for an aspie.

What is a Velveeta cheese basket? That sounds like a fun thing to give my nephew who loves that old American snack food standby of velveeta and a can of Rotel tomatoes and peppers melted in a crockpot.

 

[Roy pryer]

Asked my suspected Aspie friend what makes him feel loved and his response was "no idea."
Later he said he thinks for him it's feeling comfortable (with someone I guess). Can any of you on the spectrum help me to figure out some ways to help him feel loved? I have told I do love him and specifically, what I love about him, tried to be helpful by giving him what he needed and asked for and just generally sharing feelings and activities with him as far as permitted by a long distance relationship. But somehow I don't think he really can feel the depth of my caring and this saddens me.

My two cats "Syphilis & Chlamydia"

 

[Keigan]

This is a good question that is different for each person and changes over time with our needs.

For myself:
- I first have to understand my needs
- communicate those needs
- I’ll feel that someone is responding to my needs even though their love language might be different from mine which is fine

This shows me that the individual is allocating openness, acceptance, time and energy toward myself. Hopefully i’m doing the same as reciprocation.

 

[Keigan]

when she understands my limitations and doesn't make feel like they are shortcomings

That is significant.

 

[LucyPurrs]

That is significant.

Thanks Keigan, these answers are both informative and useful.

There is nothing that I don't try to accept about my friend- I'm more focused on his positive qualities. Sometimes I do wish he'd communicate more but accept that he may not know what to say and don't pressure him re this. Also, I tend to think that his sometimes low level of communication is more because I see myself as a rather boring person than because of anything about him. This is a long distance relationship and it might be different if we were physically together.

 

[kay]

What is a Velveeta cheese basket? That sounds like a fun thing to give my nephew who loves that old American snack food standby of velveeta and a can of Rotel tomatoes and peppers melted in a crockpot.

He took a big basket, filled it with every Velveeta product he could find, and then tied a huge yellow bow on top.

 

[onlything]

I felt loved when my relative would see me moping around and would put a cup of my favourite tea without a word otherwise. Or when they used to make me sandwiches with nice fillings that I discovered only after getting to my appointment. Or how they would step between me and people that made me uncomfortable. Or how they wouldn't use a vacuum cleaner when I was home because its sound literally hurt me, or cut onions.

Not the indifference. Not the guilty or forced presence.

Things that are little but regular and that concern me, my likes and dislikes, that aren't exactly voiced many times. It makes me feel like I'm listened to, like I'm important, even or maybe especially concerning these unimportant things like how I don't care about cucumbers but will gladly eat a tomato.

 

[Gritches]

This is a tough one, I've never actually considered it before, but I guess what makes me feel loved is to know that I'm wanted. That the other person isn't just putting up with me, or humoring me, or using me, but that they want me around for reasons beyond personal gain.

 

[LucyPurrs]

This is a tough one, I've never actually considered it before, but I guess what makes me feel loved is to know that I'm wanted. That the other person isn't just putting up with me, or humoring me, or using me, but that they want me around for reasons beyond personal gain.

Wow, if that was how my friend felt he'd feel really loved by me and not just comfortable.

 

[Gritches]

Wow, if that was how my friend felt he'd feel really loved by me and not just comfortable.

Aye, that wasn't terribly helpful was it? It does sound like you've done everything possible to express that. I can't really think of much that hasn't already been suggested, but this might or might not be helpful:

You say it's a long distance relationship. Depending on how long distance (an hour or an ocean apart?), how possible it is, how practical it is, and whether or not you'd actually find it a good idea, it might mean a lot to him if you went to see him in person. Even if the trip were far into the future, the anticipation is always the best part of anything like that.

I dunno, just spitballing, throwing out an idea I figure would mean a lot.

 

[SchrodingersMeerkat]

When people accept me as I am and don't try to change me.

 

[Ameriblush]

I guess somebody who understands me and agrees with how I feel. Also people deciding to visit me without me asking first is an awesome feeling, and I love to show people my drawing and see them actually get interested in what I drew. I feel the same way if I'm talking about something and they actually get interested and give their own opinions.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Aye, that wasn't terribly helpful was it? It does sound like you've done everything possible to express that. I can't really think of much that hasn't already been suggested, but this might or might not be helpful:

You say it's a long distance relationship. Depending on how long distance (an hour or an ocean apart?), how possible it is, how practical it is, and whether or not you'd actually find it a good idea, it might mean a lot to him if you went to see him in person. Even if the trip were far into the future, the anticipation is always the best part of anything like that.

I dunno, just spitballing, throwing out an idea I figure would mean a lot.

Well, we are actually working on him coming to visit me after he is done with his educational program. He lives in South America and I'm in USA. He was going to come this year during school break but then we decided maybe he should defer until after he gets his degree. He has been eager to come.

 

[On the Inside]

I was thinking about this earlier today, and I came up blank. Haven't felt really "loved" for some time, though my SO loves me, or so she says.

Upon reading other responses, I'll go with accepting me, not trying to "understand" me too much. I tend to feel that leads to wanting to find a way to fix what is wrong. I am very troubled by people wanting to fix me, I will accept help, advice or helpful hints, but don't expect me to adopt your way of doing things.

Ok, those are ways to make me feel unloved, so back to the question. When I felt loved (a long ago relationship) there was an unspoken understanding, acceptance, she just seemed to get me and treated me with respect and a sense of wonder, as I felt I did for her as well.

 

[Sherlock77]

I'm not sure what makes me feel loved? I have very little experience of it, I don't understand my emotions very well to begin with... Having said that, I've been stumbling the last few months with my first real relationship with another lady, at the age of 45, I see friends who start dating someone and you know instantly that they are dating... I think we're dating, in a manner of speaking, it's still not officially been talked about

I will say that I enjoy spending time with her, I can only assume she feels the same way, and we text on a fairly regular basis, sometimes simple messages, sometimes more of a conversation...

Does that help?

 

[Sabrina]

I feel loved when I am treated in a kind way with gentle words, while the other person communicates that what I say and what I do, is important.

The physical part for me is an accesory, mostly for pleasure and for fun. I don’t need physical touch to feel loved.

 

[clg114]

I would have to say that my wife and family make feel loved. But when my wife brings home a bag of Swedish Fish with the groceries, that is extra love for sure.