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Featured What makes you bolt (or want to bolt)?

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by Peatsmoke, Apr 5, 2017.

  1. Peatsmoke

    Peatsmoke Furiously sleeping indigo restlessness

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    Bolting, or the urge to bolt, seems to be pretty common for Auties in general. I'm not sure of the "official" definition, but I mean the urge to get away from a social situation or public place as fast as possible, to go somewhere safer (usually quieter, calmer, more familiar, more alone).

    I experience this most often when I'm socialising in a group (which I hate). There are various triggers, e.g.:

    • I keep trying to say something, but nobody hears me, or (worse) they do hear me but completely ignore me
    • I stutter or say something that gives away the fact that I'm not "one of them", and everyone looks at me
    • somebody says something which seems to be very obviously wrong and/or evil, but the rest of the group either agrees with it or says nothing
    • the group stops communicating in any real sense, and starts the dreaded "banter" - this happens more often with men, but some women do it too. This seems to consist of sarcastic comments tossed back and forth in a kind of competition - as a way to avoid talking about anything meaningful, because meaningful communication might expose people as being different from the accepted norm, which would make them vulnerable.
    So - what about you? Does this happen to you?
     
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  2. Elem

    Elem Member

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    I can relate to this; especially your last bulletin point. I don't have the desire to go with the norm, especially when it is something I don't deem as high importance. For example, people asking me about if I watched the last football game, and the look of surprise when I tell them that I don't keep up with football. Then I feel the urge to bolt, because while I don't care to adhere to the norm, I don't particularly enjoy the feeling of being ostracized.

    That being said, I have learned ways of improving my banter skills, because life is about relationships.
     
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  3. 8398

    8398 Well-Known Member

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    I've felt all of those. If relationships with the people aren't of significance, I'm going to actually bolt from now and on instead of feeling like I have to stand there. I especially agree with the last one about 'banter'. That stuff makes me feel cringe. It went on a lot in high school.
    Talk of school makes me want to bolt, same with actual school. But I feel less able to bolt from that. Online school will be hard for me because it is generally harder and requires reading everything, plus I'm going to have to make two weekly phone calls. I want to bolt to a forest and live there but I can'ttt.
     
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  4. Gritches

    Gritches The Happy Dog V.I.P Member

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    I'll bolt from conflict, at the first sign of trouble. I don't like fighting, physical or verbal.
     
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  5. NeoPhile

    NeoPhile Can I get a "Bright not Broken"?

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    Many times, I feel out-of-place and uncomfortable in social situations. It's part of being an aspie. Just try to avoid social situations as much as you can and you'll be fine.
     
  6. WildCat

    WildCat and his scatterbrain V.I.P Member

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    All of them get to me, but that last one especially...throws me off guard every time, unless of course I'm comfortable enough with someone then I don't mind tossing banter back at them. I don't literally bolt so much as I do just walk away and try to distance myself when things get out of hand.
     
  7. umbrellabeach

    umbrellabeach Well-Known Member

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    People being creepy, particularly customers at the job I'm about to leave. Creepers and harassers make themselves laughably obvious, either by being super outgoing and joking a lot (not bad qualities per se, but a lot of people who display them end up putting their spotlight on me for being quiet, and I count that as harassment), or staring at me. (Or, sometimes, even looking at me for a few seconds. That has led to later harassment.) In those situations, I bolt before they can say a word to me.
    Unfortunately such actions are not enough, otherwise I wouldn't be leaving my job. I guess I'm bolting from it - one big bolt to avoid those little bolts in the future.

    Other than that, any social situation where I am or suspect I will be the center of attention for the wrong reason (e.g. people calling me out for being quiet or different in some way because they feel insecure or want to make fun of me, as opposed to having an actual two-way conversation) makes me want to bolt.
     
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  8. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    yes medically youre panicking -running part
    i barely speak in a group sick of being different
    i do the unusual part catatonia (rabbit in headlights)
     
  9. corrinnemcmahon

    corrinnemcmahon Well-Known Member

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    Any sign of drama. I completely shut down usually and if I am exposed to if for too long I will literally have to remove myself... Quickly. Sadly I live with the biggest drama llama I have ever met (sister in law) and it's ugly. My MP3 and earbuds have become like a third arm. And it has to be that way for my own sanity and little bit for her saftey . I can't stand listening to people ***** and moan about completely high school bull cr*p, especially when they are almost 25!
    Ooooft that escalated quickly lol, anyway...

    The only other thing that comes to mind right now is if there is any situation where the focus is on me. Like, Bu Byeee.
     
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  10. EricD

    EricD Well-Known Member

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    Noise.
     
  11. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Cigarette smoke, and sudden, sustained low and high frequency sounds.

    With screaming toddlers in stores, just look up. That's me- hanging from the rafters. :eek:
     
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  12. nakedphil

    nakedphil Well-Known Member

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    safest and quickest way to remove myself from situation before damage and injuries start.
     
  13. CrankyGoesToHollywood

    CrankyGoesToHollywood Member

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    Noise, crowds, confrontation and busy social situations. The only way I can usually deal or enjoy myself is to have a couple of drinks.
     
  14. Stitch

    Stitch Nice Mushroom V.I.P Member

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    Having the attention on me. If there's a group and someone puts the spotlight on me, my first instinct is to run.

    Verbal conflict. As a result of trying to learn social cues, I've tuned my ears to pick up even the slightest hints that someone might be starting to get annoyed, and if I can't nip it in the bud I hightail it out of there. Sometimes this even happens with movies or TV shows.

    People who don't make sense and refuse to make sense.

    An unexpectedly large amount of people or coming home to guests that my family invited over. If I can prepare beforehand for the number of people who are going to be at a social event, then I'm usually okay. But if there are way more people than I anticipated, I start looking for cover like a mouse that sees a cat coming. Part of my preparation for social events now involves scouting out such cover, and while I'm at the event staying as close to safety as possible.

    Last but not least ...sensory overload. When lights and noises and smells hit a certain level, I have to leave or risk a shutdown or meltdown.
     
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  15. garnetflower13

    garnetflower13 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes, screaming toddlers are the worst! Their piercing cries make my skin crawl and my ears twitch. Last night we went to see a play, and someone had a tiny infant in the audience who was crying. At first I was confused because there was nothing in the play about a baby, and then at intermission I saw the woman with the infant and I wondered why bring such a tiny baby to a play?:confused:
     
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  16. Peatsmoke

    Peatsmoke Furiously sleeping indigo restlessness

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    Agree 200% - I don't understand how anyone can function with that noise. Maybe it's different with your own kids...
     
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  17. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I've always managed to keep it to myself, but any sudden, shrill sound really gets to me.
     
  18. SteveH

    SteveH Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I work as an ER nurse. I have learned to carry ear plugs at all times in case I encounter a screaming child or infant--especially if it is one of my cases. That noise makes my ears buzz and twitch(in a really bad way) also. Then I can't function without the earplugs. Even with the little foam ear plugs in--it is hard to pretend to be normal and do my job well. Very stressful indeed. I don't know how you stayed through the play. That is a buzz-kill!
     
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  19. garnetflower13

    garnetflower13 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    good move, wearing ear plugs! I don't see how even people with regular senses can work through all the cacophony of an ER!
     
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  20. SteveH

    SteveH Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    You don't know how right you are. Working as a nurse and in the ER has nearly killed me. I've been trying to get out for the last year. Unfortunately, after working 2 days in a row, I need the next 3 to recover. On some levels, it has been a great experience and I have learned many many things. It lead me to become aware of SPD in the first place(recently) and then to this wonderful forum.:) Now that I am beginning to have insight into my own SPD issues, I am looking into areas of nursing where I can thrive. I'm even already thinking of ways that I can share all the coping techniques that I have used to succeed in the ER environment with others on the spectrum.
     
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