What is your one worst fear?

[donkey_kebab]

As a child it was the dark. Right up until my late teens I was completely paralysed by it (still very occasionally now, but so infrequent it is not an issue).

As I became older it became heights. This got worse as the years passed, to the point that being on a ladder a mere 10 feet off the ground physically paralysed me. I have recently made a HUGE discovery though. While working on a recent job I had to climb a steel gantry regularly, one with only wire mesh for a floor. For the first few weeks I was a laughing stock with my white knuckles gripping the handrails and NOT being able to let go with both hands, but as the days went by I became accustomed to it. It was then I had the revelation.

I am not scared of heights. I am scared of what I'll do when I'm up there! I get the most crazy urges to jump. Not in a suicidal way, but in an impulse kind of way. When I started looking back I can now remember being at the top of huge cliffs back home. All my friends would stand on the edge but I'd have to lie down and crawl to the edge. Because of the overwhelming thought of what would happen if my impulses overpowered my rational mind. A few years ago I was on the London Eye (HUGE ferris wheel) and I had to stand at the opposite end from the door, because I became transfixed on the door handle and wanted to see if it was locked. (Have to stop now because even thinking about it is over stimulating me).

My biggest fear at the moment is not getting the correct diagnosis at my upcoming Autism Assesment and being forced to live an NT life for the rest of my days. It utterly terrifies me. I just can't do it (act) any longer. I've hidden, acted and pretended for forty odd years and I cannot keep up the act any longer, I'm exhausted. My getting a diagnosis is hinged on getting a previous mental health diagnosis overturned. I worry that they will close ranks rather than admit they were wrong. If they do this I really don't know how much longer I could go on. My only solace at the moment is that this is just a FEAR. Until the assessment has happened there is nothing I can do so I should stop worrying. I'm scoring so high on the various tests available that I'm sure I'm worrying over nothing.

 

[Kuribo]

The thought of anything bad happening to my best friend. I become extremely alarmed just thinking about it

 

[Tarragon]

I am not scared of heights. I am scared of what I'll do when I'm up there! I get the most crazy urges to jump. Not in a suicidal way, but in an impulse kind of way. When I started looking back I can now remember being at the top of huge cliffs back home. All my friends would stand on the edge but I'd have to lie down and crawl to the edge. Because of the overwhelming thought of what would happen if my impulses overpowered my rational mind. A few years ago I was on the London Eye (HUGE ferris wheel) and I had to stand at the opposite end from the door, because I became transfixed on the door handle and wanted to see if it was locked. (Have to stop now because even thinking about it is over stimulating me).

My biggest fear at the moment is not getting the correct diagnosis at my upcoming Autism Assesment and being forced to live an NT life for the rest of my days. It utterly terrifies me. I just can't do it (act) any longer. I've hidden, acted and pretended for forty odd years and I cannot keep up the act any longer, I'm exhausted. My getting a diagnosis is hinged on getting a previous mental health diagnosis overturned. I worry that they will close ranks rather than admit they were wrong. If they do this I really don't know how much longer I could go on. My only solace at the moment is that this is just a FEAR. Until the assessment has happened there is nothing I can do so I should stop worrying. I'm scoring so high on the various tests available that I'm sure I'm worrying over nothing.

Something about this impulsive thoughts strikes a chord with me too. Strange way our brains work eh?

Having just got my diagnosis officially, and despite arachnophobia being a lifelong thing for me, I have to also agree with you about the fear of not getting a diagnosis when you know you should be getting one. It was a very surreal time for me as I knew I was incredibly wound up about it but I tried my best not to think about what might happen if I did not get diagnosed. It was a like a huge "what the hell do I do next?" feeling!

So, yup I shared that fear - and thankfully it went away once I got my diagnosis at the start of this month. Well, it is still lingering because I had to contact the diagnostic team just now to find out when I would be getting the official letter, and I found myself worrying that they'd make a mistake and I wasn't diagnosed after all!!!!!! :/

 

[JeIIohamster]

Daddy Longlegs. Those things are CREEPY. I hate things with long legs (which explains why I don't like watching professional basketball). So, if I see one of these spiders, I will run as far away from it as possible.
Why I'm afraid: Well I've always hated their long legs, but when I was 11 at summer camp I woke up with one literally IN my mouth.

 

[Sass]

I used to have a recurring nightmare of being buried alive, I'd even wake up from the dream still tasting the dirt in my mouth. Super creepy. Also water scares the ever-loving heck out of me, (in the drowning sense, I don't mind bathing lol). I was swept out into the sea when I was 2 which left me terrified of putting my head underwater until I was 10, then when I'd finally conquered it I went on a school trip to the beach and got pulled into an undertow which undid all my good work. I still won't swim at surf beaches.

 

[GoofKing]

My worst fear is a nuclear war or bomb going off I can't stand the thought of millions of lives being lost over something as ridiculous as political differences ...

 

[Tarragon]

My worst fear is being trapped on a planet populated by aliens who walk around under the illusion that they know everything and act as if they know all the answers. Oh, wait.....

 

[GoofKing]

I have a fear of animals that could carry rabies :/ I've heard about the twenty or more shots they inject into your intestines through your stomach -___- This coexists with my fear of needles ...

 

[Rob]

Daddy Longlegs. Those things are CREEPY. I hate things with long legs (which explains why I don't like watching professional basketball). So, if I see one of these spiders, I will run as far away from it as possible.
Why I'm afraid: Well I've always hated their long legs, but when I was 11 at summer camp I woke up with one literally IN my mouth.

Just a few weeks ago I saw a huge bug outside our storeroom at work. I think this one looked like it came from the tropics! It looked about four inches long, and thought - is this a cockroach? I do not know how common roaches are here but this one gave me a good shock to the system!
Cockroach or not, this was one honking big bug!

 

[Rob]

On a more serious note, my worst fear at this time is blowing up in front of my NT sister who thinks I should be doing something better with my life than cashiering at a gas station. I know she means well, and does not mean to cause me trouble, but she often manages to do so. She figures I should get a more rewarding job. Hel-lo-o:...."more rewarding" typically means more stress, more accountability, and less tolerance for mistakes, near-meltdowns and bad days! More pay, yes but how will you be able to handle it? Pharmacy tech would be more rewarding of course but it is completely out of range for me as an Aspie with poor motor skills, poor working memory and communication impediments.
It is very patronizing to have an NT relative tell you how "smart" you are and suggest they can help you fix your life, when they won't pitch in to help you financially if you do what they suggest. It feels like getting punched in the stomach. Don't get me wrong - I love my sister very much but situations like that tend to stick in your mind for many months. My sister talked to my employer and he told her a lot of things she actually agreed with! He managed to straighten her out to a large extent.
Some wounds take longer to heal, eventually this one will heal too.

 

[scorpio]

Spiders. And bugs in general. Microbes and bacteria too. Doorhandles. Wash my hands like 50 times a day.

 

[Keith]

Being misunderstood
Saying something incorrectly
Lying

 

[Loomis]

Mine is death... I've seen so much death (esp cancer), that I think I'm afraid of the process leading up to it (pain), but also what's waiting too (heaven, of course). OK, no laughing, but I want to surpass the whole death thing. The only way I figure that this can be done is through "The Rapture" of which I am a believer.

If you are going to heaven what is there to fear?

I fear that when Anubis performs the ceremony of weighing my heart against the feather of truth that Amemait (the 'Devourer of the Dead') will devour the heart because my heart will be heavier.

 

[paloftoon]

I think my worst fear is the feeling that I'm never really sure if I have any true friends. There's always something unanswered, or non-reciprocative. I guess I'm being too picky to an extent, but it's hard to know when so many people just push you away not because they don't like you, but because they like other people more.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

If you are going to heaven what is there to fear?

I fear that when Anubis performs the ceremony of weighing my heart against the feather of truth that Amemait (the 'Devourer of the Dead') will devour the heart because my heart will be heavier.

Is there something else that I should be worried about besides death? Who is Anubis and Amemait? Wth?

 

[Tarragon]

Is there something else that I should be worried about besides death? Who is Anubis and Amemait? Wth?

Ahhh, don't forget that heaven is filled with the virtuous, the pure, the chaste, the righteous.

Can't wait to surf those waves of fire baby!!!

 

[Tarragon]

 

[Loomis]

Is there something else that I should be worried about besides death? Who is Anubis and Amemait? Wth?

Sorry for being cryptic. Anubis and Amemait are from ancient Egyptian mythology. According to their beliefs of the afterlife your soul was judged by balancing your heart on a scale against the feather of truth. It was my way of saying I lack your certainty that I will be in heaven after having my life judged.

 

[Berianireth]

In a sense mine is also death, but I guess I really fear being maimed or tortured more (by accident or otherwise). I was watching "Happy" last night and the woman that was run over by a truck and had to have her entire face reattached, then lost her husband seems like she would have spent quite a long time experiencing terror and confusion before she came to terms with it... can't imagine what people that lose limbs etc must go through.

 

[Max]

HIV