What goes through your mind when you are meeting someone new?

[paloftoon]

Does 'meeting someone new' mean formally engaging in what is expected to be an on-going/continuing sequence of interactions?
Or does it include just chance encounters?

Either way, I am probably thinking.....Well, this won't amount to much, most likely. Will I ever see this person again? What am I trying to accomplish here?

It includes all of the above!!!

Whether it amounts to something or not, part of the fun or "fun" is trying to make connections. If you don't try, then you are that much more left out. You don't have to constantly try, but at least now and then, give it a shot so you don't overwhelm yourself too much. We need to try in hopes to make survival easier.

 

[Mellotron]

I generally think to myself that I ought to not do anything stupid. Its irrational but I'm being so self aware that a lot of times they say their name and I completely don't hear it because I'm trying to have the proper responses ready for what they may have to say.

 

[Soup]

@ Sparticus: That last stragegy seems like a good one to add to my arsenal.

The first one might get me locked in a nuthouse. The hara kiri one would definitely make the evening interesting & memorable for the guests but it just might suck for me...but #3, using a polite & appropriate compliment to the other person as a social chit-chat pressure valve seems great! Many people love to talk about themselves, their travels, their kids & their stuff so giving them the chance to ramble away about their new Versace gown, their earrings from Tibet or their 10 yr old's d?but at Carnegie Hall would make them happy & spare me from being the target of 50 questions.

 

[Sparticus]

Hey Soup, I'm now a follower of yours. You have spoken the magical words! People do love to talk about themselves. And we avoid their interrogations "so...how come you ____?" ;D So as I vocalize me Buddha vows...I follow thee...

@ Sparticus: That last stragegy seems like a good one to add to my arsenal.

The first one might get me locked in a nuthouse. The hara kiri one would definitely make the evening interesting & memorable for the guests but it just might suck for me...but #3, using a polite & appropriate compliment to the other person as a social chit-chat pressure valve seems great! Many people love to talk about themselves, their travels, their kids & their stuff so giving them the chance to ramble away about their new Versace gown, their earrings from Tibet or their 10 yr old's d?but at Carnegie Hall would make them happy & spare me from being the target of 50 questions.

 

[Craig]

When I look at someone, I don't see a person, I see the opportunity for fun and I work towards maximizing that opportunity for fun.

Once a subject has caught my attention, I immediately analyze each and every aspect of them, rooting out their core aspects.

I have my own names for each class, but that is of a personal nature, so I'll just level them.

Level 1
Strangers that I am likely to never meet again. I usually play simple games such as asking them a question and guessing if they'll know the answer or not, or if they'll even answer. A personal favorite is forced eye contact, something that I personally find very difficult to do, it works best while on the bus, where you can sit opposite everyone on those seats at the front of the bus. Systematically I usually start off my staring at someone at the top right and working my way slowly through the rows until someone makes eye contact, then I lock-om immediately, the first one to look away loses. There are other games I like to play but those are my favorites.

Level 2
These are people I classify as friendly strangers. On the street I like to go "Oh fancy bumping into you *hug* I haven't seen you in a while, how have you been?" the look on their faces as the wheels of remembrance turns "It's me Craig, you know from the party?" and "Oh I'm terribly sorry I can't remember what your name was again?". The ultimate goal is to see how long you can keep it up for, the idea is to be so confident as to sound completely genuine. While most of the time it ends in an apology and a farewell, a few times the discussion has moved of the street and into a nearby cafe or pub, I consider those to be triumphs rather than standards wins. Other times, I'll just park myself next to someone on the bus and exclaim that they're someones relative, and after the initial apology for mistaken identity, proceed to have a conversation with them. I'll the conversation to weird places with the ultimate goal of making the person change seats, ask me to be quite or ignore me completely. All without actually offending them or over stepping it with a subject, the aim is not to insult, but make uneasy, to make them feel like they need to stop, not because of the polite stranger but because they themselves don't feel up to it. Both have the potential to backfire spectacularly, and I can quickly feel myself being put on the spot. Which is extremely unnerving and positively exhilarating.

Level 3
People I'm likely to meet with some regularity, but aren't expected to be friends with. Jokes and savvy wordplay are the weapons of choice in this arena, pranks and shocking gossip to if I believe it will hold. Otherwise, this group is missed out, besides one shouldn't push those that make their food and write their prescriptions, least they strike back with a vengeance.

Level 4
Friends of friends and those with admirable qualities. Potential players of actual games, to be sought out and quickly conscripted and drafted into the wide world of gaming, an ally today in co-op will soon become a worthy opponent tomorrow, a never ending wellspring of entertainment and fun to tapped at leisure.

Level 5
Fellow Aspies and friends. Hardcore core gamers and fervent disciple of the Holy Church of Fun and Games, they are my daily bread and water. Asperger's, the ultimate source of my delight, how I love to constantly push, pull and twist at each and every one of my unique traits, as gifted with Asperger's Syndrome as I have been, I sadly I was not gifted with all of it's virtues, and must push, pull and twist at my fellow Aspies to reap the full bounty of attainable enjoyment from the condition. Much to the delight and shock of my brethren.

Level 6
Those closest to me, my best and brightest. Currently limited to a few like minded Aspies, and imaginary friends that exist sole as a template to voice my opinion aloud. Together we invent new games, set new goals and work always to push the boundaries of accomplishment, after all, life is a game to be enjoyed, and enjoyed in excess.

 

[snowmonkey]

I tend to freeze up and forget polite formalities like, how are you? How's the kids etc. and those types of irrational questions. I struggle to engage with a person after the initial Hello paradox. I feel, I cannot reciprocate their inane ability to share their mundane domestic or dutiful itinerary, in fact I usually zone well out, my brain preferring to consider things such as particle physics or the fascinating evolution of language. These things are not considered in polite conversation. I often only open my mouth to a new person, when faced with a direct question (mundane again at best). I will answer them in a short sharp manner but I never ask them the same ridiculous questions. Just the other day a woman I don't know well asked me if I grew up around here. I said no and left it at that. I answered her question right? Too bad I didn't offer any other information for free. But I know my weakness is opening my mouth, so I censor it. Stick to the plan brain, short simple answers; cleverly disguised disinterest. Didn't stop the woman though. Oh no. I had to find out all about her, dare I say, questionable, upbringing. I smiled, wide-eyed with eyebrows raised and slightly slanted in fear, as is my face when confronted with socialising, wishing and hoping inside that she would notice my discomfort and abort human contact.... Trapped in conversation, I always find my escape. The bathroom. The kitchen, something needs attending. The rudest, but sometimes only effective way I found found of jettisoning a conversation at home, is the remote control. Flick, flick, oh sorry! Seems I took my wavering eye off you for a moment and you acquired someone else's in the room. I hope they remain attentive, while I furtively hunt for something tangible on television. Scientific documentaries will always serve to vacate the unlearned.

I actually feel (in most cases) that I don't really care what you do, or who you live with, as long as you don't punch me in the face or something else, just as directly, confronting. I can't even remember people's names, even after countless meetings. Even when I want to! It's like my brain goes- It's not my job to remember your friends name. Or your friends husband name or their 3 kids names. Or their dogs name and where they worked. I have enough trouble remembering where you put the coffee, or indeed if we had one at all. Man! I forget to remind you to eat half the time and you want me to recall your mates last five relationships and what disturbing events took place? Unlikely! Brain out!- I just can't help it I guess. It kind of annoys me that it is so reliably unreliable. At least now I am beginning to understand why and perhaps, in time, aid it with countermeasures I have yet to discover.

Goodness! You are so totally like me, especially in the bolded sections! Except instead of particle physics (which is so cool, don't get me wrong!) it's usually the cranial morphology of Artiodactyl or the genome of the Maedi Visna virus.

 

[Frostee]

I think they find me weird and I try and avoid them.

 

[Hadassah]

Nothing. Haha. Nope, but I really freeze.

 

[ironica]

I just listen this person and follow what is going to do, when that person is with other persons.

 

[ThatSkyWing]

Well, when I meet someone new I wonder things like:
Does this person already think I'm crazy?
Can they be trusted?
Could we be friends?
Do they like me or dislike me?
Oh no, not another new person!
Wish I didn't have to meet anyone new.
This is going to end in awkward silence...

 

[113]

Example 1: You're at some sort of meaningless social gathering and you accidentally make eye contact with someone and they start walking over. ::Your thoughts here::

{{{ "Perfect, now I won't look like I'm standing here alone." }}}

The person then introduces itself and pauses. ::Your thoughts here::

{{{ "I'll just have another sip of this beer as soon as they start talking again." }}}

For some reason this new person is still there and starts to talk. :: Your thoughts here ::

{{{ "I hope this person is talkative so I don't have to say much." }}}

Example 2: Someone of significance to you has a friend that you must meet today and the hour of doom is quickly approaching. :: Your thoughts here::

[No thoughts. If I can't get out of it, I just deal with it.]

You arrive at the destination and the new person is waiting inside the restaurant. ::thoughts here::

{{{ "I hope that I can get to the table first or that they make it obvious where I'm supposed to sit." }}}

Your group is then seated at a booth and an odd silence falls over the table. ::Your thoughts here::

{{{ "The binding on this menu is interesting. I wonder if that is real food or plastic replica." }}}

Everyone else starts talking about the latest gossip and there is hardly a pause in conversation. :: Your thoughts here ::

{{{ "This napkin doesn't have any drawings on it yet. I think I will fix that..." }}}

 

[Harrison]

Example 1:
You're at some sort of meaningless social gathering and you accidentally make eye contact with someone and they start walking over.
Male : Can I beat them in a fight?
Female : Are we going to have sex?

The person then introduces itself and pauses.
Oh, they need to know my name, someone must have told them to talk to the aspie guy.

For some reason this new person is still there and starts to talk.
I need to listen and make sense of why they're here talking at me.

Example 2:
Someone of significance to you has a friend that you must meet today and the hour of doom is quickly approaching.
Remember to just say 'Hi' and hope your friend jumps in

You arrive at the destination and the new person is waiting inside the restaurant.
I'll be looking around hard for my old friend and pretending I can't see the new one

Your group is then seated at a booth and an odd silence falls over the table.
Oh, this is not so bad

Everyone else starts talking about the latest gossip and there is hardly a pause in conversation.
Where are my earbuds?
Can I fake a heart attack?
I wish I'd installed that app that calls me and says there's an alien invasion or something

 

[AsheSkyler]

Example 1: You're at some sort of meaningless social gathering and you accidentally make eye contact with someone and they start walking over.
- Check eyes, posture, gait, expression. Check hair, clothes, fashion, appearance. Cross compare against known stereotypes. Prepare.
The person then introduces themself and pauses.
- Check tone, words, sentence, inflection. Respond in predetermined manner. Guarded to aggressive, relaxed to relaxed, etc.
For some reason this new person is still there and starts to talk.
- Wonder: "How boring is your night? Don't you have something better to do? Aw heck. I hope they're interesting."

Example 2: Someone of significance to you has a friend that you must meet today and the hour of doom is quickly approaching.
- Think: "I sure hope they're not a butthole, because I'll get blamed for embarrassing my friend if they are instead of the one acting like an idgit."
You arrive at the destination and the new person is waiting inside the restaurant.
- "Great. Now I gotta make extra sure I don't trip on something because I can't walk behind them and hide it."
Your group is then seated at a booth and an odd silence falls over the table.
- "Brain reboot in 3, 2, 1..."
Everyone else starts talking about the latest gossip and there is hardly a pause in conversation.
- Eat my meal. If politics, think: "You people have no life." If religion, think: "Gah, heard it! Pick a new religion to talk about for once or get a more in depth knowledge of the one you're currently on so I have a reason to pay attention." If social, think: "What's your point? Sharing updates or spreading malice?"

 

[Vinca]

Example 1: You're at some sort of meaningless social gathering and you accidentally make eye contact with someone and they start walking over.

'Oh s***, they're coming to talk to me. Don't look at them. They might not notice me. And stop swearing.'

The person then introduces itself and pauses.

'What do I say? What do I say?' My body takes over and tells them my name 'Think of something to say. Think of something to say.' I start to talk to them about the weather, as it's a neutral topic and I'm British, then my eyes start taking in all the shapes and colours that make up their head, it goes something like 'They have freckles. I like freckles. They tilt their head whilst they talk. Their hair is really dark. I like that colour it reminds me of x. They have a spot. DON'T STARE AT IT! DON'T STARE AT IT! I wonder how old they are? They are really tall. Remeber to ask them something about themselves. What can I ask them? It has to be something neutral. Don't talk about anything to do with politics, religion, race or bodily functions. Don't talk about youreself too much. Don't seem too interested in what they are saying though as it might come across as flirting. What do we talk about now we've finished talking abou the weather?