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What does it mean when you are talking to someone, but they cut you off to talk to someone else?

Suzanne

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I sense it is complete disrespect ie that I am not important enough to be decent too.

Is there another reason? Because it has really taken my confidence away.
 

SusanLR

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I would take it the same way @Suzanne .
And it would make me feel awful.
I might also think they just had no interest at all in what I was talking about.

Do you know the person personally?
It could be a reflection on how they do feel about you. That they are showing
they are in control and are rude.

I live with someone who constantly cuts me off just to start talking about something
else. I know he would blow his stack if I ask him why he does me that way all the time, but I would like to know.
It's a type of overriding me in a louder more demanding voice.
Makes me feel like he is trying to make me feel less than.

That's an idea.
If it is someone you don't care to make angry, ask them.
I would. Except I have to live with the person and there's enough chaos as is.
 

Atrapa Almas

70% INTJ + 30% ASPIE = 100% HUMAN
V.I.P Member
Depends on the context.

I tend to over extend, to give too much details or be too deep for NT non written rules.

In those situations a NT can cut me to let other person participate, as a moderador.

This is OK, and I try to thank those people who help me know when its my turn to speak and when I already used my time.

Our "time to speak" depends on our leadership position in the group, the discussed topic, reading how others are reacting to what we say (maybe someone is being offended or want to participate). So its very difficult for us to know how to properly participate.

That also happen in 1 on 1 conversation. My daugther now remind me to "just" answer the question and not tell her about "the origin of universe". Its hard for me to accept that they dont want to really understand the topic, just want a short answer. Example:

Daddy, did american Indians wear feathers?

Well, american indigens were not exactly indians, that was a Columbus mistake...

Did they used feathers or not?

Well, depends what part of America, people living in Argetina dressed diferently to those living at USA...

Mommy!! Dad is nor helping me!

:eek:
 

Hypnalis

Well-Known Member
I agree with @Atrapa Almas (& love the feathers example :)
It's context-dependent. And since you're asking about it, you probably missed some signals.

An indirect comment: have you ever found there's "one person too many" in a group (e.g. having coffee)?
By "1 too many" I mean that there's a just a bit too much going on, and you can't keep track of it all.
Among NT's it's typically from the 5th to the 8th person.
Among ND's, sometimes it's the first :) But more likely 3rd to 4th.

In that case, switching without disengaging will happen, and it generally doesn't mean anything negative.
There are signals for it of course, but they're not consistently applied, and any signal can be missed.

On the other hand, it could be intended as a negative signal (there are many kinds for different purposes and situations) or a power play.

If you provide more information I might be able to say more.

But a reminder: if there were signals but you didn't see them, I can't factor them into an analysis.
:
:
One way to address this (from another angle): consider whether either of these apply (the second is based on a habit I think many of us have).

1. A power play scenario:
Three people. (A) You (B) Your friend (C) A friend of your friend - someone you don't know well or perhaps don't like much.
(C) does this during a normal conversation, at a time that isn't a natural point in the conversation for an interruption (e.g. mid-idea or even mid-sentence).
That's a power play. The why doesn't matter. Ghost the friend of a friend, and actively (but politely) work to avoid them being around when you meet your friend.

2. "Monologue" scenario.
Perhaps the speaker doesn't notice it, but they're in a monologue, and have gone well over the socially acceptable time.
If this scenario the speaker hasn't provided "interrupt points" for the others, there are protocols for this too, but not everybody knows them.
At a certain point, the speaker will get cut off, and a switch is one way to do it.

There are many other scenarios BTW, and there are multiple ways of polite handling a situation where interrupting is reasonable.

This differs a lot between cultures too. I'm an Aspie, brought up in interrupt culture, and living in a non-interrupt culture. It's not always easy /lol.
In my opinion, interrupt cultures are a bit more Aspie-friendly than non-interrupt cultures.
 

Aspea

Active Member
1. A power play scenario:
Three people. (A) You (B) Your friend (C) A friend of your friend - someone you don't know well or perhaps don't like much.
(C) does this during a normal conversation, at a time that isn't a natural point in the conversation for an interruption (e.g. mid-idea or even mid-sentence).
That's a power play. The why doesn't matter. Ghost the FOAF, and actively (but politely) work to avoid them being around when you meet your friend.

2. "Monolog" scenario.
Perhaps the speaker doesn't notice it, but they're in a monolog, and have gone well over the socially acceptable time.
If this scenario the speaker hasn't provided "interrupt points" for the others, which is NT-rude, but a typical Aspie trait. There are protocols for this too, but (a) not every NT knows them and (b) hardly any Aspies know them.
At a certain point, the speaker will get cut off, and a switch is one way to do it.

Scenario #1 has happened to me only a few times in my life. Once it happened when Person C, who was a much older male and who has very low opinions about women, did this while I was speaking. Immediately, while he was speaking to Person B, I turned around and walked out of the room. I had only been speaking for about 5 seconds, so I was not in monologue mode. By ghosting him, I was sending him a clear message that I will not tolerate his disrespect and power move. This particular person also loved to hear himself speak and thought very highly of his himself and his thoughts/beliefs. I agree that ghosting is the correct response.

To the OP: It helps to remember that them interrupting you likely has nothing to do with you; it is their baggage. It is a "them" problem, not a "you" problem. I try to visualize their actions/words bouncing off of me; I don't have any responsibility to absorb it; it didn't come from me, and it's not mine. It's theirs. There is therefore no need to spend significant amounts of time ruminating about it; do not let their actions rob you of your energies in this way. Your energies are yours, not theirs.

I am curious, what is the appropriate way to respond in Scenario #2 when someone is monologuing with no interruption points? In the past I would boldly interrupt them with an excuse of why I had to go, and then politely as possible leave.
 
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Neonatal RRT

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I get this quite frequently when I am at work,...but for different reasons,...(1) a phone/page interruption with a work-related or patient concern,...or a STAT call to a bedside, (2) we were trying to have a conversation and someone walks in an interrupts with a legitimate work-related concern. Regardless of the priority,...it still is unsettling to be interrupted mid-sentence, leaving you hanging there, and either you have to leave, or they do.

In my personal life, I don't run into too much of that behavior,...sure, it happens from time to time,...but given the infrequency, I just roll with it. Most of the time if I am going to have a problem, it's with group conversation,...and after all these years I have learned that I am unable to jump in and out of the conversation,...blurting something out at the wrong times, upsetting the flow of the conversation, people looking at me like "WTF",...so, I don't. I just sit back and listen.
 

Hypnalis

Well-Known Member
@Aspea

With Scenario 2, the nice but effective thing to do is a non-verbal interrupt.

e.g. if it's social:
Touch their forearm and slightly interact with their sightline so you catch their eye.
I usually say "XXX, you're making my brain hurt", along with a genuine smile (because it's someone I'm happy to be with who's just made a small mistake. They deserve a smile.).
You can add more words, but the opening is a friendly ice-breaker, so you can be quite direct after it.

This can be done at any time, and ideally should be before you absolutely have to leave.

Of course many other ice-breakers are possible. I use that one because it reminds me of an old friend, so it makes the smile come easily.

Many other physical interrupts are possible too. Just be sure to move slowly, obviously, and directly, use the closest reasonable target, and choose well. There aren't that many places left BTW - back of the hand and forearm are often best, or shoulder if you're behind them.

You should be similarly careful with a sightline interruption. If you can achieve direct eye contact that's better, but in this particular scenario it may not be possible.
But e.g. touch forearm with left hand, slowly raise right hand vertically to their chin height is ok.
(maybe nose, but not eye level - lower is better, but effective is necessary)


BTW - no fast movements.
Anything that presents as a blur if it's not in direct focus can induce a mild adrenaline rush. That's good when the goal is to run away, but not for this :)

Sigh - this is so complicated to describe.
Last bit I hope: if you raise your hand, it needs to be relaxed; back of the hand invisible (this is natural), fingers approximately vertical but relaxed (so there's a slight curve), and palm at 45 degrees (e.g. not your full palm facing the other person).
This is to avoid any hint of the "stop" gesture, which OFC is not appropriate here. That's for AH's (e.g. scenario 1) - effective, but the point is to annoy them :)
 
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Suzanne

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Do you know the person personally
Yes, Not, someone close and that is because I do not feel very comfortable around that person. I guess it is because that person has a daughter who has mental health issues, and she is openly disparging towards her, which I find terrible.
 

Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
If you suffer a tab from being insecure, this can be upsetting. I have encountered it, and l just ignore it. I can always move away and look at my phone messages.
 

Judge

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I sense it is complete disrespect ie that I am not important enough to be decent too.

Is there another reason? Because it has really taken my confidence away.
Took the word right out of my mouth.

-Disrespect
 

Outdated

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I sense it is complete disrespect ie that I am not important enough to be decent too.

I would take that as a very deliberate and obvious display of disrespect. An attempt at belittling you.

Some people in this world aren't worth knowing, one of them has just identified themselves to you.
 

Hypnalis

Well-Known Member
It seems to be a power play, which means there's a possible complication.

Walking away is reliable and easy, but it's defensive. It might actually be the "attacker's" objective - be aggressive, and either
* Get the third person to themselves (i.e. it's a win for them if the target leaves)
* Weaken the target, or lower their position in the "pecking order".

But ... the responses aren't available to everybody.
People who are conflict-averse generally can't perform an assertive counter-move.
:
For here on this isn't really elated to OP's two posts. It's essentially support for the "conflict-averse" statement.
I guess it's not actually AutismForums-friendly, so skip it if you have no interest in handling social aggression.
:
:
A partial test for a countermove in tis situation: are you capable of actually engaging in "abrasive eye contact" IRL? The answer can only be yes if you've actually done it a few times.

Remember the "Mike Tyson" principle (edited a little) "Everyone has a plan until they get hit".
Which is true for NTs as well as NDs, and social as well as physical aggression. Lots of people feel much tougher sitting at home talking than they actually are when the adrenaline rush hits
:)

So there are other options than disengaging with dignity. But there isn't a simple answer to getting a best possible .outcome

For what it's worth, I have a couple of current (for me) somewhat relevant examples of the general approach. But I don't think many people here could use the techniques.
 

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