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What do you think

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dakota dorner

Active Member
What is your opinion of the woman that wrote this article? Asperger Syndrome I do not believe she has ad many experiences with dealing with an Aspie but one thing she did say sounded like truth. Number 15 sounded like something I would do. What is your opinion on this woman and her "views" on asperger marrige?
 
I think that article is written from a very NT perspective with very little understanding on her part of what it's like on the AS side of it. Seems like you could switch "NT" and "AS" almost all the way through, and end up with a fairly accurate description of what it feels like to be AS in an NT world. It's all very one-sided.

I understand she feels like she's writing the article to NT family members and trying to validate their experiences, but it seems she could present the AS side of it a little better for the sake of helping NTs understand better and helping everyone, NT and AS alike, relate better in the long run.

And #9 is way off

jmo....
 
I feel she is a typical therapists, who believes she is the best authority and I could picture how being rather condescending to an aspie, who is in front of her. A few things she said made me think: wow she is human after all lol

Unfortunately, what she said regarding marriage between an aspie and nt, is pretty accurate. My husband does feel that he has to walk on eggshells with me and often used to complain that I never touch him! He says that occasionally he feels I love him, but most times, doesn't and yep, I do feel resentment when he complains about our marriage and have thoughts of: what the heck do you want from me? I tried to say that I love him in my own way, but now that I know why I am like it, I can better explain it, but need to feel cautions because he may consider I am using my aspie nature to get away with things.

We are not connected, so she is accurate about that. Yet to outsiders, it would appear so! We are always holding hands outside and always smiling to each other, but once we are at home, I have to remind myself to go and see him. It is like I have this little alert beside me that says: time to say this or do that etc. It is very draining!
 
I just kept thinking, wow, are we really that bad? She made it sound as if it were impossible to live with an aspie. Like we are secret emotion vampires or something.
 
Well, I guess if what she says is true that MOST of "our (NT) communication and interpersonal relating is non-verbal", then #5 seems accurate to me.

I find it hard to believe that there are all these hand signals, semaphore codes, wink-wink nudge-nudges going on that I'm completely oblivious to. But call me mind-blind.

My partner often talks about how we spend time together, but we're not really connecting, yet she can't seem to tell me what that means, we're just supposed to do it.

Although much of what is stated here is reasonable, it reads like a self help guide to spouse diagnosis, and is unbalanced. I guess she is angling for clients who are NT's in a relationship with someone who might be on the spectrum.
 
Grumpy Cat here. For those in relationships and marriage, do you think relationships are easier when the woman has AS or when the man has AS?
 
On the Inside said:
My partner often talks about how we spend time together, but we're not really connecting, yet she can't seem to tell me what that means, we're just supposed to do it.
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I'm thinking its kinda like when you are in a room with a complete stranger and they're doing their thing and you're doing your thing - no looking at each other, no smiling at each other, body language is "away" from the other person where your body is turned away from them and no touching.
 
Grumpy Cat said:
I'm thinking its kinda like when you are in a room with a complete stranger and they're doing their thing and you're doing your thing - no looking at each other, no smiling at each other, body language is "away" from the other person where your body is turned away from them and no touching.
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Well, we do a lot more "connecting" than that!
 
dakota dorner said:
Do not understand concept of "intimacy". Please elaborate.
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How do I explain it? Hmm. What I think it is is being able to be with a someone you care about a whole lot and being able to be with them close together and doing everything but sex. This might include a nice candle lit dinner followed by cuddling on the couch and I know Aspies hate these words - some "small talk" and if you're comfortable with each other then you don't even have to talk. This "small talk" isn't just any talk though - its usually very personal things about you and you feel so comfortable with the person you're with that you want them to know everything about you. You also share experiences together and have the utmost trust in each other and are not afraid to show them your vulnerable side. They are your best friend. That's what I believe intimacy is.

It has even been said in another thread that you can have sex with anyone and it not mean anything. So sex itself is just one form of "connecting." You can't have a good relationship with sex alone - there has to be intimacy.
 
Grumpy Cat said:
Grumpy Cat here. For those in relationships and marriage, do you think relationships are easier when the woman has AS or when the man has AS?
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I don't know a maleAS/femaleNT relationship to compare to...

In our rel'ship, the hardest part is my lack of interest in physical contact, and his ever present need for it. I do the best I can, but my CSA history complicates things even more.

Other than that, we seem to do pretty well, I think. I'm not so "girly" that it feels like we're from different planets. And he's not a gruff, drink-all-the-time, swagger around, jock. We like the same kinds of movies, and the same kinds of activities for the most part, and both contribute extensively to the kids and household and relationship. One of our favorite dates is going to the shooting range. If we're going clothes shopping, we often enjoy some of the same stores (like an outdoor store or a sports-supply store). There are still a lot of differences, but I don't think it's as extreme as some of the NT/NT relationships I've observed.
 
I didn't find any of my relationships with NT females to be "easy". If I were to have another relationship in this life, I'd much prefer them to be a fellow Aspie.
 
I just realised that this sounds like a 19th century eugenics manual.
"the negro may protest his captivity, and even try to escape. It is not until he is alone that he realises that he is dependent on the white man's instruction."
That's just what it sounded like to me.
 
Grumpy Cat said:
Wait, are you talking about sex? Sex is connecting for men, but women need other connecting too, which I think of as intimacy.
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Calm down, it wasn't a double entendre. We interact, verbally, emotionally, physically. We have a small house, and even when we're not getting along so well, we don't avoid each other.
 
On the Inside said:
Calm down, it wasn't a double entendre. We interact, verbally, emotionally, physically. We have a small house, and even when we're not getting along so well, we don't avoid each other.
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What's entendre? :confused: Anyway, it sounds like you're connecting. Why does she think you still aren't connecting?
 
Grumpy Cat said:
I'm thinking its kinda like when you are in a room with a complete stranger and they're doing their thing and you're doing your thing - no looking at each other, no smiling at each other, body language is "away" from the other person where your body is turned away from them and no touching.
Click to expand...

What I said here is what intimacy is not.
 
Grumpy Cat said:
What's entendre? :confused:
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Double entendre is a manner of speaking that conveys two meanings, one of which is often indelicate or vulgar.

Grumpy Cat said:
Anyway, it sounds like you're connecting. Why does she think you still aren't connecting?
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Guess it's the depth of that connection that is not up to expectations. After 13 years together, we should be merged as one, yet I stubbornly cling to an individual self image. But then, I am the odd one.
 
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