What do you remember about early twenties?

[Misty Avich]

If it means the early 2020s, then all I can remember is covid, covid, covid.

 

[Captain Caveman]

My early twenties were an interesting time. My late teens were the most stressful time. I won't say it was all good in my early 20's, but I was relieved to get out of the stress of the education system but I did have other things instead.

 

[NDR2]

I didn’t feel like an adult. I still don’t now. I was still mostly focused on my responsibilities and wasn’t one to go around places having fun. In college, I realized that the world of work would be trouble for me.

 

[Cryptid]

Exploring Chicago after dark. Yes, it got a bit dicey at times, but the shows, the food, and most of the people seemed much more interesting than during the day. I remember long philosophical conversations until sunrise with complete strangers. I remember dancing to music played by street performers. I remember having polish sausage "hot dogs" with the works for breakfast. I remember the train rides back to Elgin, and sleeping past noon when I got home. Ahh . . . good times . . .

 

[thejuice]

Drinking, eating takeaways, trying to go out at night and fit in, 420, getting bullied a lot, wannabe musician, isolating, pulling all nighters doing essays, mystery illnesses starting, flunking studies, breakdown, kicked out of parents house, first proper full time job, started anti depressants, failed chronic pain management, finally diagnosed with ME and fibromyalgia!

Life is relatively good now, I'm so happy I'm not in my late teens/ twenties! Life gets better as you age for most I think.

 

[BewilderedPerson]

It was pretty tame, was into intellectual stuff, hanging out with friends, having an interest in women from college, being no-nonsense in my studies, lots of playing N64 and other fond memories.

 

[AprilR]

I don't remember much, just a cloud of constant anxiety and depression

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Should I trauma dump on how miserable my 18 to 20s were. I will. They were the worst year's of my life that I wish I can erase from my memory. I was ignored especially by girls in college which was the most painful experience ever and scarred me for life which now I am recovering from thanks to friendships I never had.

Because of this I had the lowest self esteem which still effects me to this day. I had poor grades which made me drop out of college. I was only able to get one job which then I lost. I could never get a job to save my life just because I did not have a college degree.

I thought my life got better in my mid 20s when I found a church but that group of small friends abandoned me when they got married. I tried to join a new group but I was ignored there especially by the girls again. I left the church and did not return it trust anyone for 15 long years.

It was not until my early 40s that my life improved and that I made true friends. Not to get into the current events but I learned who my true friends are. I have a female friend something new too me which understands my past on how I was treated and ostracized and she understands. I also do yoga and I am respected by my teachers there. The 40s are truly the best years of my life.

 

[Thinx]

Like a lot of people then, in the early 80s, I wasn't aware of autism, and did a lot of puzzling about myself and my life, alone or in therapy.

I had a strong work ethic and built a life around that, choosing to work in social care and then teaching in Further Ed on vocational courses in those areas. So earning enough to pay for therapy, which was also a Special interest in a way, and a proxy social life.

I had a significant relationship during that time, although neither I nor the other person had the social or emotional capabilities we needed at that time, to have a lasting and happy relationship.

I enjoyed my independence, cycling, reading, writing poetry, going to poetry events and workshops, walking. I got on well with my sister (also likely autie) though we didn't live close to each other mostly, but often met up.

My parents divorced, yay, finally, and required the usual (still) high amounts of emotional support. Talk about role reversal...

Overall quite interesting, with highs and lows, but I had the energy for those.

 

[thejuice]

Like a lot of people then, in the early 80s, I wasn't aware of autism, and did a lot of puzzling about myself and my life, alone or in therapy.

I had a strong work ethic and built a life around that, choosing to work in social care and then teaching in Further Ed on vocational courses in those areas. So earning enough to pay for therapy, which was also a Special interest in a way, and a proxy social life.

I had a significant relationship during that time, although neither I nor the other person had the social or emotional capabilities we needed at that time, to have a lasting and happy relationship.

I enjoyed my independence, cycling, reading, writing poetry, going to poetry events and workshops, walking. I got on well with my sister (also likely autie) though we didn't live close to each other mostly, but often met up.

My parents divorced, yay, finally, and required the usual (still) high amounts of emotional support. Talk about role reversal...

Overall quite interesting, with highs and lows, but I had the energy for those.

This might be too nosy, but what did you and your therapist think the autism was? How was it explained?

 

[Harmonie]

Less than a month into 20, my girlfriend broke up with me. Not the best way to start off my twenties, one could say. She was the first person IRL outside of my family I ever came out to, and then we dated. We had a lot of chemistry, so sad it didn't work out.

My grandfather passed away a year or so later.

On the positive side, I graduated from community college (really late, I know!) and then went to university. Now that didn't end well (I tried to balance a job, an hour commute back and forth on top of university). But I did return later (not in my early 20s) and graduate with a Bachelor's.

We got two dogs in the timeframe of my early 20s. They were great dogs. I miss them.

I got my tenor saxophone and oboe in my early 20s, but didn't learn either of them until much later.

I began to get into Early Music during this time, which has certainly been big for me ever since.

I became an aunt during the timeframe.

I think I should probably stop there, lest I overshare much more. lol

 

[Thinx]

This might be too nosy, but what did you and your therapist think the autism was? How was it explained?

I think there was maybe one therapist, who also worked in health services, where they would have had some inkling of how autism presents, who may have recognised autism in me.

Just in retrospect I think that, he never mentioned it, but I do recall a conversation in the breaktime from an event I was attending there, about therapy training, where he just kept responding to me, and I remember how unusual it felt, because I had to keep engaging, where normally that wasn't what happened in social interaction for me.

But apart from that, no therapist I had, ever mentioned it. In the UK we have a split system, where private counselling is unregulated, there's no standard training for it, but many types of private trainings, and then there's the National Health Service. It's changing now in that autism may be recognised or suspected by some private therapists, but still, mostly it is only included in the NHS remit, where for example a young person might be diagnosed and helped with therapy. Though getting any therapy would be unusual.

I just thought I'd had a difficult family background, with parents who had problems and didn't get along, and that I had unusually persistent difficulties making friends or socialising. I had no knowledge or concept of autism.

That was the case right into my 50s, when I was doing some training that involved working with young people with autism in family therapy settings. I read around the subject, and realised retrospectively, it may apply to me. Quite a revelation, made sense of a missing link that had always puzzled me.

But prior to that, how does one theorise an absence? I had started to, just by the way that if I did some personal therapy in a group, and posed my social difficulties, the same things would be suggested as had been 30 years ago!

So I thought, no, it's not shyness or that I need practice. And also, I realised it was just different, for most of the people I was with in such groups, they could do it, they had other issues, but that area was fairly easy for them. They didn't know what I meant. So I was getting close to puzzling it out, but not with any therapist who would have recognised autism, unfortunately.

 

[thejuice]

"I just thought I'd had a difficult family background, with parents who had problems and didn't get along, and that I had unusually persistent difficulties making friends or socialising. I had no knowledge or concept of autism"

That was my thoughts I believe at the time. Autism came out of the blue at 30. I hadn't even considered anxiety until mid 20s.. like you I thought I was just introverted, depressed and unpractised at socialising and people were put out by my presence.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I know I wrote the funny one a couple days ago. But here's the honest truth.

In my early twenties, I was desperately hungry, lonely, and afraid. I remember being so very tired, all the time. I saw a lot of beautiful places and did daring things. But I was also made to do a lot of things I didn't want to. And when I finally felt like everything was calm, and I was to be a wife and mother, delighting myself in baby baths in the little tub in the kitchen sink, and cooking our family dinner on the little gas hob, it was all ripped out from under me. It took years to get over that horrid betrayal. The violence of it. It was not a happy time.

 

[Cryptid]

LOL!

I showed this thread to a friend. His response was, "If you can remember your twenties, you probably weren't there."

 

[Misty Avich]

LOL!

I showed this thread to a friend. His response was, "If you can remember your twenties, you probably weren't there."

No offence to your friend but that kind of fed my depression about the fact that I totally wasted my early 20s by being a lonely shut-in.

 

[agateboy]

No offence to your friend but that kind of fed my depression about the fact that I totally wasted my early 20s by being a lonely shut-in.

I'll say that I wasted my early 20's trying to be NT and fit in by partying and group activities. Feeling largely uncomfortable most of the time, now I am content.

 

[Misty Avich]

I'll say that I wasted my early 20's trying to be NT and fit in, and feeling largely uncomfortable most of the time. Now I am content

I wouldn't see that as wasting your early 20s. At least you tried and experimented. I did nothing.

 

[Cryptid]

No offence to your friend but that kind of fed my depression about the fact that I totally wasted my early 20s by being a lonely shut-in.

Please, just put me on your 'ignore' list.

 

[Misty Avich]

Please, just put me on your 'ignore' list.

Why? You didn't do anything. It's just I feel like an alien living in a society that worships alcohol and believes you never lived if you never went out partying or drinking, then thinks it's hilarious to look back on and have memories (or lack thereof) of "the funnest time of their life".