What do you find hardest?

[Chris]

This question is directed at anyone with aspergers. What do you find hardest about your life, which is thought to be due to aspergers? Do you have anxiety issues, or what imparticular do you struggle with in social situations?

 

[Richard_Aspergic]

The hardest thing I find about having asperger's is my obsession with video games and technology, it tends to take over my life.

 

[Emor]

I just don't understand people really. I don't see why people want to get married, I don't want to have kids, I find talking to people usually extremely boring, yet everyone else finds these as sources of joy, and I sort of _want_ to enjoy and want these things.
There's a lot of other things though, but I think that's probably the most depressing about the disorder for me(I know not everyone else on the spectrum feels like this, but quite a lot do and I do think that my AS has something to do with it).
EMZ=]

 

[Willow]

The hardest thing I find about having asperger's is my obsession with video games and technology, it tends to take over my life.

I find that if I focus too much on my obsessions I lose track of everything else. It used to be a lot worse though. I have lost interest in a lot of my obsession now.

 

[Willow]

I just don't understand people really. I don't see why people want to get married, I don't want to have kids, I find talking to people usually extremely boring, yet everyone else finds these as sources of joy, and I sort of _want_ to enjoy and want these things.
There's a lot of other things though, but I think that's probably the most depressing about the disorder for me(I know not everyone else on the spectrum feels like this, but quite a lot do and I do think that my AS has something to do with it).
EMZ=]

I know exactly what you mean, a couple of years ago, when I was in secondry school, I felt just like that. I kind of felt pressured to 'want' those things. But after a while I decided to forget about what society seemed to want me to have and concentrate on things I actually liked. I think you'll change your mind a bit as you grow up. I know it sounds condecsending but when I was your age I didn't think I'd change my mind, and I really think that with girls that have AS, those types of things don't seem to 'kick in' until later on.

Willow

 

[Emor]

It's not something I think about everyday or anything and if anything I probably should care more about what people think of me and social standards, it's just a bit depressing that I don't understand what the big deal is. I don't know if you've watched the movie Adam, some people say it's an exaggerated portrayal of AS, but I think on the love thing I can completely relate with him.
I don't know if I really want them to kick in. I'd explain why but I don't want to make anyone depressed who wants those things xD.
I've been in relationships before but I just found them exhausting emotionally. I can't even maintain full friendships offline, so being in a relationship is just too much. I'm happy being single right now, but it just seems amazing to me that people can get so much happiness out of something I can't stand, sort of thing.
EMZ=]

 

[Chris]

Interesting to hear about your standpoint Emor. It's different for lads as i'm sure you're aware so i won't bother talking about that. You mentioned struggling to maintain friendships offline. I wouldn't be too worried about that. I don't have AS - as far as i'm aware - and i struggle to maintain offline friendships. Online friendships are just so much easier, people are there whenever you feel like coming online.

Well.. might aswell talk about it a bit... I guess. Lol. I've known Willow for 4-5 years now and i've liked (*like* liked.. LOL) right from the start, but she's never been interested in lads, and that persisted right up until she was 17. I was finally starting to come to terms with the fact there would never be anything between us until a few months ago when she just.. started to change. Neither of us know how it really happened, but it's awesome for us, i'll tell you that much.

 

[raiimonarch10]

I think I have the most trouble when it comes to relationships, like coworker, roommate, girlfriend, those sorts. I can get by on day to day conversation, but throw a angry roommate my way and I don't know what to do. It's like the saying, the devil is in the details. I made few attempts at the girlfriend thing but had one blow up in a week, waited to long to talk to another, and failed amazingly a few times "confessing" feelings. It's like walking into a minefield blindfolded. And I do feel empathy/sympathy, it just more of an uneven situation, sometimes too little or too much, and i don't know what to do about it.

 

[Emor]

Yeah, online's definitely easier to cope for some reason.
I don't know, I just find the idea really depressing . I don't MIND relationships, I just would prefer if both participants agreed on an expiration date... which... isn't going to happen... LOL. I don't really want relationships I'm in to last anything longer than a couple of months, not because I get bored of the person, I don't know why really though... I think after a couple of months I just find the relationship as a whole boring(because there's a major difference, obviously)?
But obviously it doesn't really suit the other participant when I randomly end it when things start to get serious(on an emotional level), so it's probably easier I don't date. The last guy I dated saw it as some sort of pre-martial ceremony... .
EMZ=]

 

[Chris]

I think I have the most trouble when it comes to relationships, like coworker, roommate, girlfriend, those sorts. I can get by on day to day conversation, but throw a angry roommate my way and I don't know what to do. It's like the saying, the devil is in the details. I made few attempts at the girlfriend thing but had one blow up in a week, waited to long to talk to another, and failed amazingly a few times "confessing" feelings. It's like walking into a minefield blindfolded. And I do feel empathy/sympathy, it just more of an uneven situation, sometimes too little or too much, and i don't know what to do about it.

Sad to hear you're struggling with that Randy. Me and Willow are both big beleivers in the whole "there's a somebody perfect out there for everyone", maybe it's just a case of that with the girlfriend thing. They just have to be more understanding.

I'm not great with other types of relationships either, at work I'm more or less isolated on breaks, i don't really care to socialize though i'll attempt to make small talk if approached by a co-worker. I'm yet to encounter roommate situations and all that.

 

[raiimonarch10]

I meant to put classmate instead of co-worker. And I've had a roommate twice, each time for one week, and both times it ended in fireworks, not the good kind.

 

[raiimonarch10]

Forgot, I do have some decent friends, I get a little lazy on maintaining friendships, but I've definitely gotten better at that.

 

[Mikebg]

Making friends, relationships (as I've said before, I've never had a girlfriend, never had sex, never kissed, never been on a date, etc.). Motivation seems to be another issue with me too, as I wouldn't be surprised if my Asperger Syndrome is related to the fact that my job experience is EXTREMELY lacking. It also might make interviews (not to mention presentations) tougher for me as well. Fortunately, I don't think written communication suffers (at least not greatly), only oral.

 

[Chris]

Making friends, relationships (as I've said before, I've never had a girlfriend, never had sex, never kissed, never been on a date, etc.). Motivation seems to be another issue with me too, as I wouldn't be surprised if my Asperger Syndrome is related to the fact that my job experience is EXTREMELY lacking. It also might make interviews (not to mention presentations) tougher for me as well. Fortunately, I don't think written communication suffers (at least not greatly), only oral.

As far as your written communcations on here spans, I wouldn't have been able to tell you had AS.

 

[Willow]

Maybe you don't need to understand it. If you aren't interested then there is no big deal. To you, psychology is a big deal right now, other people won't understand that. I didn't see Adam, but from the trailer I thought it seemed pretty accurate. Maybe they take everything they've heard about Asperger's and put it into one character, and in real life, not many people show every single sign of AS but if you put them all in a character then everyone can relate. Did Adam fall in love in the film?

I don't know if I really want them to kick in. I'd explain why but I don't want to make anyone depressed who wants those things xD.

Maybe you could post it in the 'Girls Only' section? I'd listen =) Interests change over time, maybe your whole viewpoint of relationships will change. *shrug*

Willow

 

[Emor]

No, Adam didn't understand what love was and when asked why he 'needed' his girlfriend(by his girlfriend) he basically said he needed her to help him when he went to California to find his way to work, etc. then his girlfriend said she couldn't go with him to California if that's why he need her(she wasn't offended, she was just really upset). I could relate to Adam in a lot of other areas too really, and I genuinely think it was the most accurate portrayal of someone with AS in a fictional movie(although it was a bit exaggerated but no where near as much as everyone is claiming[irony much]).
TBH, I'd write them down but it's like, all it'd be would be a rant leaving the reader depressed. I don't think I'd get any benefit and nor would the reader, xD.
@Mikebg: I'm the same with communicating verbally and then through text, or following instructions(I've gotten better, but I still am pretty terrible[today my DT teacher told me to go and get a glue stick and took me around 5 minutes until I figured out what he was actually telling me to do, LOL]). Weirdly though, I seem to excel in presentations
EMZ=]

 

[Willow]

No, Adam didn't understand what love was and when asked why he 'needed' his girlfriend(by his girlfriend) he basically said he needed her to help him when he went to California to find his way to work, etc. then his girlfriend said she couldn't go with him to California if that's why he need her(she wasn't offended, she was just really upset). I could relate to Adam in a lot of other areas too really, and I genuinely think it was the most accurate portrayal of someone with AS in a fictional movie(although it was a bit exaggerated but no where near as much as everyone is claiming[irony much]).
TBH, I'd write them down but it's like, all it'd be would be a rant leaving the reader depressed. I don't think I'd get any benefit and nor would the reader, xD.
@Mikebg: I'm the same with communicating verbally and then through text, or following instructions(I've gotten better, but I still am pretty terrible[today my DT teacher told me to go and get a glue stick and took me around 5 minutes until I figured out what he was actually telling me to do, LOL]). Weirdly though, I seem to excel in presentations
EMZ=]

Hmm, I guess having Chris with me all the time make it easier for me to live because he helps with things, and when he goes away I don't do anything. But that's not why I miss him/need him. I need him because he makes me happy and I love him. Even if my version of love isn't the same as everyone else's, to me it's love, so it doesn't matter I guess. Sometimes when people ask me to do things, or they are telling me something, I don't understand for a while. Chris will tell me something in really simple terms, or in a way that he would understand if someone told him, but sometimes I just don't understand because I need more background information or more detail.

 

[Emor]

Yeah, I do think some Aspies are capable of love(my definition of love is really depressing but imo accurate), but Adam wasn't imo- he didn't understand it. He said to his girlfriend he did love her(because he heard a phone conversation where she was saying she didn't even know if he loved her, and if it did, what it'd mean anyway), and that's when she asked the question, which probably isn't the conventional definition of love.
It's cool you and Chris do love each other though ^_^.
EMZ=]

 

[regnkappa]

I can relate to the movie about Adam

i have alot of anexity in social situation or in any situation that I dont know much about how thing are going to progress.

i also often get fixated on details on people or their clothes and cant let go of it.

I have a hard time getting a reasonable picture of how the reality works. relationships/friendships, social rules and such.

Alot of time goes to my special interests wich are computers

 

[Chris]

I can relate to the movie about Adam

i have alot of anexity in social situation or in any situation that I dont know much about how thing are going to progress.

i also often get fixated on details on people or their clothes and cant let go of it.

I have a hard time getting a reasonable picture of how the reality works. relationships/friendships, social rules and such.

Alot of time goes to my special interests wich are computers

I used to overthink every tiny detail in every situation i was in, to the extent of causing my own anxiety. I still do, but having Willow has built my confidence quite a lot, I don't need to have my guard up around her or think hard at all about what I'm going to say or do.