What did I do wrong?

[Butterfly88]

She is a new therapist to me, I hate to start the whole process over again but maybe I should.

Of the two, autism is the more fundamental and impacts how you communicate. A counselor needs to first know how to talk to you, if their success relies on talking to you...

If her specialty is PTSD, but she only speaks in a non-English language that you do not know, she will be ineffective. If she understands the autie frame of mind, she can talk to you in such a way as to be heard. (That is why you should start with an ASD specialist.)

That's a very good point.

 

[CeasarKungPow]

Wow. I'm boiling mad as I'm reading this. Ignorance is excusable to an extent in the general public but not for a therapist.
Walk away and don't go back. You will only be stressed and it won't help you. Find another even if it takes time is what I think.

 

[Butterfly88]

Wow. I'm boiling mad as I'm reading this. Ignorance is excusable to an extent in the general public but not for a therapist.
Walk away and don't go back. You will only be stressed and it won't help you. Find another even if it takes time is what I think.

Thanks for being angry with me.

 

[robertsomerville]

somethings are better left unsaid

 

[WereBear]

I find this to be on a par with a physical therapist berating someone for limping or dropping a cup.

Bad therapist fits never get better. And a bad fit, just like in shoes, is a great reason to seek another therapist.

 

[Butterfly88]

Thank you all!

Another thing that happened:

She said "You're doing so good"
I said "I am? Why?"
She said "Because you're looking at me"

True I was looking at her, but I feel it was otherwise a terrible session. We accomplished little in terms of my PTSD which is the whole reason for seeing her. *sigh*

 

[Butterfly88]

I wrote this poem, I'm going to show it to her. Too bad if she doesn't like it.

I'm not broken, don't fix me.
I'm different, not less.
I am unique, not odd.
I am me, not you.
I am autistic, not neurotypical.
Respect me, I'll respect you.

 

[Ylva]

Yours actually makes mine look good just for asking me if I have nightmares.

 

[GloriaH]

Wow, you sound so cool! It's kinda funny to me that I, myself, can put the fear of God in someone, just by trying to honestly communicate. No one could fault you for what you said. Unfortunately, she retreated into intellectualism, rather than face it and communicate back.

 

[Butterfly88]

Yours actually makes mine look good just for asking me if I have nightmares.

Sorry to hear that.

Wow, you sound so cool! It's kinda funny to me that I, myself, can put the fear of God in someone, just by trying to honestly communicate. No one could fault you for what you said. Unfortunately, she retreated into intellectualism, rather than face it and communicate back.

Thank you!

 

[Butterfly88]

So I saw my therapist today. She said she isn't trying to fix my autism and that she mentions social norms with all of her clients. She considers it a mental health thing it seems. She apparently thought me calling her a scary lady would upset other clients, particularly children. All the doors were closed, and my sensitive autistic ears don't even hear other people. She claims she didn't ask for an apology last week and if she ever were to she would only ask to enforce social norms, not to satisfy personal needs. I don't know what to think. The rest of our session went better than usual. I will keep her for now.

 

[Ylva]

Oh dear, you have a social norms worshipper…

Glad it's going better at any rate.

 

[QuestorThews]

I wrote this poem, I'm going to show it to her. Too bad if she doesn't like it.

I'm not broken, don't fix me.
I'm different, not less.
I am unique, not odd.
I am me, not you.
I am autistic, not neurotypical.
Respect me, I'll respect you.

Beautiful

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

The 'look me in the eye' when you are talking to me, frightens me too. Why should I be forced to do something I'm not comfortable with, and why would they insist that I do so? Under those circumstances I felt as if I was 'wrong' somehow for being who I am. The therapist who insisted that I do so seemed unthinking and I wanted to tell her to go hell. Soon after I stopped seeing her.

When you said this ^^^^^^, I couldn't help but think of this below;

CBT for autism traits is a long and difficult therapy, and needs to be considered carefully on the part of the person going for this treatment. It's not something that should be done here and there, and it can be damaging to your sense of self.

Many aspies (which I assume we're using interchangeably with auties) have the equivalent knowledge of cbt already.

To request an apology from you is astounding misbehavior.

Did she request an apology? Can't see a mention of that?

Reminds me of the time when I was seeking help and this one therapist just stared at me, which really caused me to feel deeply embarrassed and because of that, I blurted out to please stop staring at me! She then went on to say that I was jealous of her life and that was I embarrassed because I fancied her? I was so outraged that I got up and told her not to bother seeing me to the door and it is the last time I will ever see her again and as I turned, she was still staring at me!!!

OMG, are you serious!! I don't know you in person (kinda wish I did though) but that sounds kinda funny and appauling at the same time. You should definitely have got her on a disciplinerary.

I have one of those. She claims to understand autism, but she interrupts me all the time and cuts our sessions short halfway through. Why, I think I'll complain about her.

That must be fristrating. I wonder, do you think to yourself that you're alone in this scenario when it happens? I think the worst thing is to always forget you're not, but in the situation as it occcurs you feel so iscolated.

I wrote this poem, I'm going to show it to her. Too bad if she doesn't like it.

I'm not broken, don't fix me.
I'm different, not less.
I am unique, not odd.
I am me, not you.
I am autistic, not neurotypical.
Respect me, I'll respect you.

I like this poem. Jokingly (so don't take it seriously) if she was as bad as you initially suspected then here is how you could expect her to respond;


Aww, did we do that all by ourself? Well now, here’s my improvised response, also in the form of a poem.

I am the therapist and you are my client,
unless I ask for your opinion you'll remain silent
You may think being autistic gives you a cause
but I am here to point out your flaws
This job can be stressful, a bore and a chore
so if you have a problem with me then there’s the door !!

What do you think ?!?!

So I saw my therapist today. She said she isn't trying to fix my autism and that she mentions social norms with all of her clients. She considers it a mental health thing it seems. She apparently thought me calling her a scary lady would upset other clients, particularly children. All the doors were closed, and my sensitive autistic ears don't even hear other people. She claims she didn't ask for an apology last week and if she ever were to she would only ask to enforce social norms, not to satisfy personal needs. I don't know what to think. The rest of our session went better than usual. I will keep her for now.

I imagine and elderly lady that you're following through a corridor echoing slightly with the conversations of other patients conversing with their therapists behind closed doors.

Oh dear, you have a social norms worshipper…

Glad it's going better at any rate.

Social norms worshipper lol Yup...conform or reform...but you MUST be the norm!!

 

[Butterfly88]

Beautiful

Thank you!

When you said this ^^^^^^, I couldn't help but think of this below;

Many aspies (which I assume we're using interchangeably with auties) have the equivalent knowledge of cbt already.



Did she request an apology? Can't see a mention of that?



OMG, are you serious!! I don't know you in person (kinda wish I did though) but that sounds kinda funny and appauling at the same time. You should definitely have got her on a disciplinerary.



That must be fristrating. I wonder, do you think to yourself that you're alone in this scenario when it happens? I think the worst thing is to always forget you're not, but in the situation as it occcurs you feel so iscolated.



I like this poem. Jokingly (so don't take it seriously) if she was as bad as you initially suspected then here is how you could expect her to respond;


Aww, did we do that all by ourself? Well now, here’s my improvised response, also in the form of a poem.

I am the therapist and you are my client,
unless I ask for your opinion you'll remain silent
You may think being autistic gives you a cause
but I am here to point out your flaws
This job can be stressful, a bore and a chore
so if you have a problem with me then there’s the door !!

What do you think ?!?!



I imagine and elderly lady that you're following through a corridor echoing slightly with the conversations of other patients conversing with their therapists behind closed doors.



Social norms worshipper lol Yup...conform or reform...but you MUST be the norm!!

Lol!

 

[Butterfly88]

Now she seems to be obsessed with hair. She said:

"Sometimes I'm like, I hate my hair because it's so hard to comb, but I have to accept it because I'll never be white".

"My daughter likes to watch videos on how to do her hair"

She also just got a new hairdo.

Weird. She's quite a character.

 

[Tom]

Wrong? No not wrong in the sense of you were simply being open and honest.

Your therapist simply processed it as if it came from a calculating person, with hidden meanings.

Her bad professionally, for not recognizing an obvious Aspie trait.

However it would have been ok for her to explain the interaction and share that she felt embarassed about it and ask you to wait till you were in private to share it.

 

[Ylva]

Now she seems to be obsessed with hair. She said:

"Sometimes I'm like, I hate my hair because it's so hard to comb, but I have to accept it because I'll never be white".

"My daughter likes to watch videos on how to do her hair"

She also just got a new hairdo.

Weird. She's quite a character.

It's at least an original way of doing therapy.

For clear and obvious reasons I feel like people who have experience with racism ought to be less ableist. Both isms are rooted in imperialism. Rhetoric is similar, both judge by appearances, and so on.

 

[aspaquarian]

You shouldn't have to take care of her feelings--at all. Seriously. If she's so easily embarrassed by the things you say, that's truly an emotionally dangerous environment and it makes perfect sense you would think of her as a scary person--because she is. She's not in control of her own emotions and is relying on you to help her feel good about herself. This is not a good situation, and certainly not emotionally safe.

As for finding a therapist who can handle both autism and PTSD (which is a very serious issue and not something any autism specialist can necessarily handle if there's, say, childhood abuse in your history), it might help to find a PTSD specialist who focuses on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This is a logic-based approach that tends to work well for aspies without a great deal of modification, even if the therapist is primarily a trauma therapist instead of an autism therapist. Maybe try to find someone who's open to learning about autism, and realizes they can use what they already know about CBT.

I have a friend with post traumatic stress disorder.

 

[aspaquarian]

I have a friend with post traumatic stress disorder.

Wrong? No not wrong in the sense of you were simply being open and honest.

Your therapist simply processed it as if it came from a calculating person, with hidden meanings.

Her bad professionally, for not recognizing an obvious Aspie trait.

However it would have been ok for her to explain the interaction and share that she felt embarassed about it and ask you to wait till you were in private to share it.

I thought that I was saying the wrong things to my ex girlfriend who broke up and got back together with me 8 times just because she didn't like my aspergic way of communicating with her. First I said I won't be able to sleep with her. Then I said no wonder you don't have any pets. Then I said you have to pay your credit card bills before we can move in together. Then I said I can't kiss you in front of everyone. Then I said that there was a refund of the money I lent her and that I told her even though my mom said not to since I believed that she would pay me back. Then I said my mom thinks that she is too old for me. Then I said why should I tell you were I am going if it is so obvious. I finally figured out that she had borderline personality disorder because she would blame me for everything and she would see me as all good some of the time and all bad other times.