After a million misunderstandings with my ASD (non-diagnosed) boyfriend over the last three years, I'm starting to perceive our relationship differently. People on this site have said over and over again- the ASD person isn't going to (can't) change. Everything I've read has stated the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it, I would think. But I didn't REALLY get it.
In stepping back and depersonalizing things, I'm looking at us more as playing two roles within a dyad. We're going to start touching base on a weekly basis and I'm going to use this model to explain what I see as the dynamics that occur regularly. My goal is to broaden our understanding of each other and the relationship, rather than look for interventions, per se. We first have to arrive at an agreed-upon paradigm of how to view the relationship. That's how I see it, at least.
I know the usual NT-style attempts to talk about our relationship makes things worse, with him getting defensive, annoyed, and shutting down; and me getting my feelings hurt or crying out of frustration for the lack of "connection".
I hope that if I approach the relationship as a system, rather than about either of us, we will have a more constructive dialogue. So with that said, I was hoping people could help me with examples of things NT's regularly say in this context that are annoying. I think I've got down some, like talking in ambiguities, about feelings, about needs.
I'm wondering about some common themes you've seen in your interactions with NT's (in romantic relationships) that are exasperating.
Thanks.
In stepping back and depersonalizing things, I'm looking at us more as playing two roles within a dyad. We're going to start touching base on a weekly basis and I'm going to use this model to explain what I see as the dynamics that occur regularly. My goal is to broaden our understanding of each other and the relationship, rather than look for interventions, per se. We first have to arrive at an agreed-upon paradigm of how to view the relationship. That's how I see it, at least.
I know the usual NT-style attempts to talk about our relationship makes things worse, with him getting defensive, annoyed, and shutting down; and me getting my feelings hurt or crying out of frustration for the lack of "connection".
I hope that if I approach the relationship as a system, rather than about either of us, we will have a more constructive dialogue. So with that said, I was hoping people could help me with examples of things NT's regularly say in this context that are annoying. I think I've got down some, like talking in ambiguities, about feelings, about needs.
I'm wondering about some common themes you've seen in your interactions with NT's (in romantic relationships) that are exasperating.
Thanks.