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Featured Wait, you said this, but meant that....

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Aspychata, Jul 11, 2019.

  1. Aspychata

    Aspychata Applying for the here and now....

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    How do you deal with double messages, l feel l don't understand them, and why can't there be truth here?
     
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  2. An Arctic fox

    An Arctic fox Well-Known Member

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    I cant remember what I do but i figure it out based on context, like if it's over used and talked about a lot then its probably not true and if it makes more sense for it to be the other one then ita probably that. I dont know why there isnt truth here and I get confused on them sometimes but I've gotten good at figuring them out
     
  3. Aspychata

    Aspychata Applying for the here and now....

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    Just deal with people in jobs that aren't truthful or interested in being helpful, not sure how to deal with them. So l end up ignoring them completely.
     
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  4. An Arctic fox

    An Arctic fox Well-Known Member

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    I'd probably tell them that what they are doing is wrong and ignore them but I dont know what you should do
     
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  5. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    If the context is right, I explain that I won't understand them unless they say exactly what they mean. Nice people, smart people, people that decide they'd like for me to understand them, or some combination of these kinds of people then adjust their behavior and begin to make sense most of the time.

    People who don't make some adjustment and are fond of double-meaning language continue to cause confusion, get frustrated, and blame me as their blood pressure rises and hair turns grey, while I watch in fascination and pity.
     
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  6. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    I'd say something like, "You're confusing me. Which [notion] do want me to accept...?"
     
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  7. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Probably because some people are not direct as they have learned over time, or in childhood, not to be. People of a a certain age can be that way, they often have difficulty indicating what they want or giving instructions. They are not 'truthful' because they have learned not to be.

    Growing up with controlling or aggressive parents or teachers, some are afraid to be blunt or truthful as it's perceived as aggressive or demanding. So they will soften or convolute the demand, question, response and go about it in a less blunt manner.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2019
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  8. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    This is why I prefer working with children. They're so honest and straight-forward!

    A student said to me, "Your haircut is so bad I think I should quit piano until it grows back." :eek:
     
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  9. Cazelle

    Cazelle Active Member

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    I think some people intentionally try to confuse others either for their own amusement or because they feel they aren't responsible for the outcome if they haven't asked directly. Some people seem to feel they come across as smarter if they are indirect and wordy.

    I've gotten to the point where I will openly ask people at times to clarify what they are and aren't saying.

    Oh, and I like working with children due to their directness and frankness too :)
     
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  10. An Arctic fox

    An Arctic fox Well-Known Member

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    Well that's annoying and stupid for them to do

    I've almost gotten their but not yet I dont think

    Yeah that's one thing I like about children and they are just more fun and less annoying besides their directness can be insulting or off putting
     
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  11. tlc

    tlc The Mackinac Bridge and U.P. is my happy place.

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    One quote I heard a lot in college: If you can't impress them with your intelligence, baffle them with your BS.
     
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  12. An Arctic fox

    An Arctic fox Well-Known Member

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    I like that :)
     
  13. zurb

    zurb Eschewer of Obfuscation

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    You might find this book to be helpful: A Field Guide to Earthlings
    [I’m still waiting for an NT to review this book and tell us if this is really how it is for them. If it is, then it should be required reading for all auties as it is very enlightening]
     
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  14. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member

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    This annoys me and happens a lot.
    Especially the person I live with does it for amusement because he knows I have Asperger's and
    take what he is saying literally. He thinks it's fun and calls me "burger!"
    (His name for us.) Rude.
     
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  15. An Arctic fox

    An Arctic fox Well-Known Member

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    Very rude.
     
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  16. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    If I'm not sure what the person meant, I ask for clarification. Unfortunately, I'm often unaware that there even was a hidden meaning and a lot of misunderstandings occur because of this. In which case I might say, "(I'm sorry) I misunderstood, I thought you meant...."
     
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  17. An Arctic fox

    An Arctic fox Well-Known Member

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    That's similar to what I do, besides that I dont apologize as formally
     
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  18. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    That's why I put the "I'm sorry" in brackets - you may or may not want to apologise.
     
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  19. An Arctic fox

    An Arctic fox Well-Known Member

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    Yeah
     
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  20. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I don't deal with it. It causes meltdowns and this is a huge trigger point between hubby and me and recently, my brother stayed and understood what my husband was saying and even to the point, saying it was me who had the issue.

    Boy, the nt world is hard work.
     
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