Virgin Shaming

[xDominiel]

This is why both men and women see male virgins as failures.

I would say it's a combination of that and learned stigma. As a thinking species we should be able to rise above both.

...but if she slept with him then he no longer was a virgin, and her reason for dismissing him is no longer valid.

Also, SO TRUE! WHy dismiss him after she took his virginity ? Hypocritical!

She hadn't slept with him yet. She wanted to sleep with him, found out he was a virgin as they were about to do it, and decided that it was such a turnoff that she changed her mind and left.

 

[OkRad]

I would say it's a combination of that and learned stigma. As a thinking species we should be able to rise above both.




She hadn't slept with him yet. She wanted to sleep with him, found out he was a virgin as they were about to do it, and decided that it was such a turnoff that she changed her mind and left.

OMGOSH. When I was young I would have loved a man that had not slept with everything including a few dogs and maybe a goat or two.

 

[Kirsty]

...but if she slept with him then he no longer was a virgin, and her reason for dismissing him is no longer valid.

...but her reason for dismissing him was never 'valid'. She was probably feeling some shame with herself for being the first one to get him laid; a fear of society finding out that she slept with someone who's 'uncool'.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Women experience virgin shaming too, although I haven't experienced it since I left high school (despite being open about the fact that I have never had a relationship at 27). At school being a virgin = being a frigid loser/ lesbian, and I took a while to catch on to the fact that most people where lying about having had sex in order to avoid the labels.

...but her reason for dismissing him was never 'valid'. She was probably feeling some shame with herself for being the first one to get him laid; a fear of society finding out that she slept with someone who's 'uncool'.

Could also have something to do with assuming that he'd be a bad lay due to lack of experience, or not wanting to deal with the pressure of being his first sexual partner.

 

[Bolletje]

LADIES: This is a general statement. I'm sure none of you on this site shame virgins or are attracted to male sluts, so please don't take this personally, as some of you might.

I'm incredibly attracted to promiscuous men. Raw sexual energy is hot, imo. But that doesn't mean I think any less of virgins. What people do with their privates is their own business and the amount of sex partners someone has had doesn't say anything about their worth as a person.

 

[xDominiel]

I'm incredibly attracted to promiscuous men. Raw sexual energy is hot, imo.

You don't mind that he likely thinks nothing more of you but another achievement, and would then be done with you? I don't get that kind of attraction at all.

I'm more attracted to people who have less partners as I want something deeper, and I feel they'd be more likely to offer that. Just sex is never the attraction to me.

 

[HermanHesse]

Sexuality is directly related to status in our minds. In chimps, our closest ancestors, the alpha male gets to have the most sex and he hangs out with his cohorts who also have sex with the females but less sex than him.

Than the males go around murdering other male tribes in order to obtain more land and women. Basically a more primitive version of human history.

I have a degree in politics and I swear there is a connection between political power and sexual attractiveness. Being an Aspie I find politics sexy because of it's representation of humanity but I think most people love it because of the power that it represents.

 

[xDominiel]

Sexuality is directly related to status in our minds. In chimps, our closest ancestors, the alpha male gets to have the most sex and he hangs out with his cohorts who also have sex with the females but less sex than him.

Than the males go around murdering other male tribes in order to obtain more land and women. Basically a more primitive version of human history.

I have a degree in politics and I swear there is a connection between political power and sexual attractiveness. Being an Aspie I find politics sexy because of it's representation of humanity but I think most people love it because of the power that it represents.

Sadly this is true. I have a dream that one day we can evolve beyond our chimp cousins.

 

[Bolletje]

You don't mind that he likely thinks nothing more of you but another achievement, and would then be done with you? I don't get that kind of attraction at all.

I'm more attracted to people who have less partners as I want something deeper, and I feel they'd be more likely to offer that. Just sex is never the attraction to me.

I wouldn't want to date someone based on just sexual attraction, but for casual sex I don't mind. I like sex, and when I'm not in a relationship I have no trouble hooking up for no-strings-attached sex. Experience is a plus when sex is all you're after

 

[WereBear]

There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. It's a state of being, like not having driven a car. People have led happy lives doing neither.

 

[xDominiel]

There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. It's a state of being, like not having driven a car. People have led happy lives doing neither.

The concept of virginity should really be abolished, along with the stigma. It's not even a state of being. Lack of sex of any kind though can also be very, very unhealthy. There is a reason people are often driven into very dark places by sexual frustration, which contrary to popular belief isn't something to be viewed with contempt (when people don't choose to take it out on others, of course). Again rooted in our flawed biology.

 

[WereBear]

The point, as always, is CONSENT.

A frustrated sex drive isn't a good thing, but neither is someone forcing themselves into a state they don't really want.

 

[xDominiel]

The point, as always, is CONSENT.

A frustrated sex drive isn't a good thing, but neither is someone forcing themselves into a state they don't really want.

Obviously. I think you misunderstood. I wasn't saying people have to have sex. I was saying the concept of, the word, the idea that virginity is something so blatantly "different", should be abolished. It's too loaded with stigma. To use your earlier example, it's like if I was expected to be ashamed of, and be like "My name is Dom, and I am a 'carless'".

 

[abby normal]

IMHO such "shaming" is IMHO a primitive behavior, and the fact that it is still a meme indicates we have a long way to go as a species, to reach the point where we can be termed "civilized."

 

[tdrfreebird]

I'm incredibly attracted to promiscuous men. Raw sexual energy is hot, imo.

This proves my point. You like this because but he exudes masculine energy (confidence and drive). Aspie males don't, which puts us at a major disadvantage.

 

[thepeaguy]

If you want to have sex, go ahead. The consequences of sleeping around are unwanted pregnancies and stds. Contraception isn't 100% effective.

I never pursued chicks, so I'm not at all bothered. I neither want kids nor herpes and hiv, thanks.

 

[Bolletje]

If you want to have sex, go ahead. The consequences of sleeping around are unwanted pregnancies and stds. Contraception isn't 100% effective.

I never pursued chicks, so I'm not at all bothered. I neither want kids nor herpes and hiv, thanks.

Possible consequences. It's quite possible to have an active sex life with multiple partners without contracting STD's or getting (someone) pregnant, you just have to be smart about contraceptives. They're not 100% effective, but when used correctly, they come pretty close.

Not saying that abstinence is a bad thing, but IMHO scaring people into abstinence with stories of STD's and pregnancy is. Better to properly inform people on how to minimize risks when they do have sex.

 

[LostInSilentHill]

Although I am still a virgin myself (28) I don't understand why virginity is so important. People put a lot of weight on 'your first time' but really, does it matter?

 

[Bolletje]

Although I am still a virgin myself (28) I don't understand why virginity is so important. People put a lot of weight on 'your first time' but really, does it matter?

Short version: nope!

Long version (sorry, I can get pretty worked up over this subject): I think virginity is a bit of an outdated concept. The hymen isn't some mythical chastity device, it's just a fold of skin in the vagina. Many women don't even notice the tearing of their hymen when they are first penetrated, sometimes it tears from something else than sex and there's often no bleeding whatsoever.
I think it's absurd to base your concept of purity on whether or not a girl still has an intact hymen, just as I think it's absurd to base your concept of masculinity on whether or not a man has inserted his penis into someone else.

 

[savi83]

I wasn't very sociable growing up. Of a weekend I went to a social club with my parents, played snooker with my father and then we joined my mother in the main room where they played music. I kept a small circle and I was happy. Some people queried why I never brought a girl into the club, asked if it was because I was gay. I told them that I wasn't and that I was just happy being on my own with my circle.

When I was about nineteen I was studying at college. My uncle joined my course, and I started going out drinking with him. I ended up "hooking up" with one of his friends. She was about five years older than me. It was a one night thing. I think I did it mainly through the peer pressure and curiosity.

I have never gone looking for relationships.