Very recently beginning to Accept

[Helms]

Hello, My name is Zach. My online friends call me Helms. I have only come to realize that I am autistic in the last several months. I am 48 and a US Navy veteran. I live in Houston Texas.

I believe the rigid structure of the military made it much easier for me to mask. Plus, I have found that once I know what to expect to hear it is much easier for me to understand what is being discussed. The range of topics being narrow also helped. It is only now that I am out of that structured environment that it has inescapable the difficulties I am facing particularly in social situations and taking non-verbal cues from my girlfriend.

I am looking for help.

I read and answered "I Think I Might Be Autistic" by Cynthia Kim and I have every symptom to varying degrees.

Knowing that I spent the early part of my education in Special Ed I find myself asking how did they not know and if they did know why didn't they tell me.

This forum feels vast to me. Any suggestions for where to start would be much appreciated. Please and Thank you.

 

[tree]

 

[Xinyta]

Hey there, @Helms

I am glad you found us. We can help you get a better understanding about your place on the spectrum. Though stuff posted in General Autism Discussion and Specific Autism Spectrum Discussion are good places to start. There is alot that has been posted that will help you get an understanding of both autism and yourself.

There is also good reads about the Autism Spectrum in the Resources tab at the near top of the forum page.

 

[Helms]

Hey there, @Helms

I am glad you found us. We can help you get a better understanding about your place on the spectrum. Though stuff posted in General Autism Discussion and Specific Autism Spectrum Discussion are good places to start. There is alot that has been posted that will help you get an understanding of both autism and yourself.

There is also good reads about the Autism Spectrum in the Resources tab at the near top of the forum page.

Hi Xinyta,

Thank you very much. That is where I will start. I am also looking specifically for help dealing with dating and relationship communication. As you can imagine my GF is getting really frustrated. I'm hoping to find some practical advice in communicating and figuring out non-verbal stuff.

I appreciate you

 

[Helms]

View attachment 104262

Thank you for the welcome Tree!

 

[Richelle-H]

Hello Helms and welcome to our safe harbour.

Communication, in particular the non-verbal cues, is always going to be a bit tough and require a great deal of work on your part. Most obviously are the cues that signal when it is appropriate for you to speak in a conversation (do you interrupt your girlfriend when she is still speaking?).

The good news is that you can improve your situation with your girlfriend with some work, It might also help if you can enlist her aid. She may think she knows what autism is, but that is probably nothing more than what she has picked up from the media on her part. You should have an honest an open discussion with her about what you suspect and maybe get her to check out these forums as well. That might help her with you as much as it helps you with her. It might take each of you to, in a sense, meet each other half way.

There are a fair number of us here that had a diagnosis past the age of 40. It is never too late to get the confirmation and find whatever help can ease your situation. Your journey of self-discovery is just beginning.

Good luck.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome!

"I think I Might be Autistic" was one of the first books I've read as well. I've also enjoyed her memoir "Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate."

In the resources sections there's reviews of lots of other books as well from many members here, and what's listed in the resources here is just a small amount of the increasingly significant amount of literature from across the spectrums.

 

[Kisa the tea]

Hello and welcome to the forum! I agree with @Xinyta's suggestions on where to start! I hope you're able to find any answers you need and if you can't then feel free to open a thread and ask for help!

 

[Sablerose]

I just wanted to say hello and welcome. There is a lot of information here and though I may not say too much yet I find so many people here helpful as I learn more about myself as well. As a fellow veteran I can tell you the VA hospitals and or clinics also offers counselling and such if you talk to them. Just to give you another option if you need one.

 

[Helms]

Hello Helms and welcome to our safe harbour.

Communication, in particular the non-verbal cues, is always going to be a bit tough and require a great deal of work on your part. Most obviously are the cues that signal when it is appropriate for you to speak in a conversation (do you interrupt your girlfriend when she is still speaking?).

The good news is that you can improve your situation with your girlfriend with some work, It might also help if you can enlist her aid. She may think she knows what autism is, but that is probably nothing more than what she has picked up from the media on her part. You should have an honest an open discussion with her about what you suspect and maybe get her to check out these forums as well. That might help her with you as much as it helps you with her. It might take each of you to, in a sense, meet each other half way.

There are a fair number of us here that had a diagnosis past the age of 40. It is never too late to get the confirmation and find whatever help can ease your situation. Your journey of self-discovery is just beginning.

Good luck.

Thank you for the welcome Richelle,

I tend to finish what people say. I have non-sequiturs. I work hard not to interrupt and end up saying nothing at all. I have auditory processing problems where I hear just fine but don't understand.

My GF is the one who clued me in. She worked with adults on reading and had some direct interaction with many different types of mentally disabled people. I'm not sure if any of them were autistic but it was enough for her to know what questions to ask.

She is has encouraged me to find other people and additional resources. I have been reluctant to accept myself until very recently mainly because I didn't understand what ASD was or the wide variety on the spectrum. She found the forums before me and sent me the links. I don't interact with websites well unless I'm very familiar.

I am probably going to look for a formal diagnosis in the coming months. I am slowly looking through links that Autism Speaks gave me.

Thank you for your kind words.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Welcome, Helms. I was diagnosed at 60 after years of my spouse referring to me as her Aspie Guy. Growing up in the 50s and 60s, autism was rarely diagnosed. After my difficult teen and young adult years , I finally matured a bit and hit my stride. I have done basic research and am published then went into pharma manufacturing, first with nuclear pharmaceuticals and then drugs and devices. Along the way discovered statistical design of experiments and contributed to the design, testing, and optimization of process and was always in demand with engineering in their projects. I had realized real savings, once saving a project $400,000 and loppong off 2/3 of the time estimated for completion. (This, more than abilities is especially noticed by managers.) So the constant focus, learning, and applying kept me going like a machine. Then I retired and ageing has taken its toll and I started to get triggered to inhabit the mind of a desperately lonely teen and young adult. So the past couple of years I have been extinguishing that with Cognitive Processing Therapy.

Please understand that there are significant plusses with ASD along with the negatives. While I could not understand social communication, my ability to focus on ideas to learn and apply them, led me into a remunerative and interesting career.

 

[mw2530]

Welcome to the forum. I think you will find that many of us here "fell through the cracks" in the education system and perhaps healthcare system since autism was not very well known years ago. And there continues to be a lot of confusion out there as to what it is exactly.

 

[Helms]

I just wanted to say hello and welcome. There is a lot of information here and though I may not say too much yet I find so many people here helpful as I learn more about myself as well. As a fellow veteran I can tell you the VA hospitals and or clinics also offers counselling and such if you talk to them. Just to give you another option if you need one.

I have an initial appointment scheduled next week. The VA offers mental health for free regardless of your disability status. I'm taking full advantage of that.

I appreciate the welcome and the information!

 

[Helms]

Welcome!

"I think I Might be Autistic" was one of the first books I've read as well. I've also enjoyed her memoir "Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate."

In the resources sections there's reviews of lots of other books as well from many members here, and what's listed in the resources here is just a small amount of the increasingly significant amount of literature from across the spectrums.

I will look at the resources section very soon. Thank you for suggesting it.

I appreciate you

 

[Helms]

Welcome, Helms. I was diagnosed at 60 after years of my spouse referring to me as her Aspie Guy. Growing up in the 50s and 60s, autism was rarely diagnosed. After my difficult teen and young adult years , I finally matured a bit and hit my stride. I have done basic research and am published then went into pharma manufacturing, first with nuclear pharmaceuticals and then drugs and devices. Along the way discovered statistical design of experiments and contributed to the design, testing, and optimization of process and was always in demand with engineering in their projects. I had realized real savings, once saving a project $400,000 and loppong off 2/3 of the time estimated for completion. (This, more than abilities is especially noticed by managers.) So the constant focus, learning, and applying kept me going like a machine. Then I retired and ageing has taken its toll and I started to get triggered to inhabit the mind of a desperately lonely teen and young adult. So the past couple of years I have been extinguishing that with Cognitive Processing Therapy.

Please understand that there are significant plusses with ASD along with the negatives. While I could not understand social communication, my ability to focus on ideas to learn and apply them, led me into a remunerative and interesting career.

Pattern recognition and process structure is what I seem to be drawn to. There has always been some things that I excelled at. I didn't always know what it was or how to apply it to my life in such a way to really benefit. While I am having a lot of difficulty right now with my personal and social life, work has been getting better and better most likely due to my traits.

 

[Helms]

Hello and welcome to the forum! I agree with @Xinyta's suggestions on where to start! I hope you're able to find any answers you need and if you can't then feel free to open a thread and ask for help!

Thank you so much! I appreciate the support!

 

[Rodafina]

Hello Zach, and welcome to the forum.

It definitely is an extensive place with so many different things going on. Take your time and take it all in slowly, if you can. There are so many different types of information here. We are available to help, too. That’s kind of what we do here, help each other out.

 

[Nitro]