• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Updated Autistic's and depression poll

Question for autistic's

  • I am usually very depressed

    Votes: 14 34.1%

  • I have never been depressed

    Votes: 1 2.4%

  • I have rarely been depressed

    Votes: 7 17.1%

  • Many days I think or have thought it would be great if I died

    Votes: 17 41.5%

  • Many days I have considered suicide

    Votes: 13 31.7%

  • It has been all I could do not to kill myself on many days

    Votes: 6 14.6%

  • Many days I have had difficulty completing tasks or even getting out of bed

    Votes: 14 34.1%

  • I have been clinically depressed in the past, but don't feel that I am depressed now

    Votes: 9 22.0%

  • I have made a serious attempt to take my life in the past

    Votes: 12 29.3%

  • Is your depression controlled with medication?

    Votes: 4 9.8%
  • Total voters
    41
Fino said:
And now if you do, it might be because he said you would!
Click to expand...

That...is true. The context was the doc asking me if I still have any suicidal urges, or if I think about suicide. I took a huge, reckless risk by being honest and telling her that I think about suicide every day. She merely said that was probably going to be the case for the rest of my life. So that's where that came from.

Let me ask you something though: did you regret your suicide attempt and have to "forgive" yourself for it as a result? A different doctor told me I'd have to "forgive" myself for attempting suicide, but that implies regret. Thing is: I don't regret it, at all. The only thing I regret is that my mechanic carried me naked and semi-conscious to the ambulance, and now things are awkward when I drop my car off for routine maintenance. It's like...do I send him a thank you card? I checked the Hallmark store and they seemed to be all out of "thank-you-for-carrying-me-bloody-and-naked-to-the-ambulance" cards. Go figure.

PM me if this feels like it's hijacking the thread. I sort of feel like it's kind of off-topic.
 
Gritches said:
That...is true. The context was the doc asking me if I still have any suicidal urges, or if I think about suicide. I took a huge, reckless risk by being honest and telling her that I think about suicide every day. She merely said that was probably going to be the case for the rest of my life. So that's where that came from.

Let me ask you something though: did you regret your suicide attempt and have to "forgive" yourself for it as a result? A different doctor told me I'd have to "forgive" myself for attempting suicide, but that implies regret. Thing is: I don't regret it, at all. The only thing I regret is that my mechanic carried me naked and semi-conscious to the ambulance, and now things are awkward when I drop my car off for routine maintenance. It's like...do I send him a thank you card? I checked the Hallmark store and they seemed to be all out of "thank-you-for-carrying-me-bloody-and-naked-to-the-ambulance" cards. Go figure.

PM me if this feels like it's hijacking the thread. I sort of feel like it's kind of off-topic.
Click to expand...
Serious subject - why did you make me laugh? (You have a way with words).
 
Gritches said:
did you regret your suicide attempt and have to "forgive" yourself for it as a result?
Click to expand...
I have never forgiven myself for trying to kill myself or thought I needed to forgive myself for that. The thought has never occurred to me. I did (for healing sake) have to learn to forgive myself for all the times I was abused. I figured I would not have been abused if I were not a bad person. I forgave myself for not being my friend and believing bad reports about myself when I would not believe bad reports about a friend or someone I cared about. I made amends with myself and made a commitment that I would stick by myself regardless of what anyone said about me. I would not join in in believing their lies. I certainly would take up for a friend I cared about. I was going to start treating myself with the same respect I would a friend. I would be my friend. I forgave myself for all my past mistakes, present mistakes and any future mistakes I was sure to make. This was life changing for me. This is the only reason I am still alive today. I am friends with myself.
 
Momster said:
I did (for healing sake) have to learn to forgive myself for all the times I was abused. I figured I would not have been abused if I were not a bad person.
Click to expand...

That is exactly how I beat PTSD (for the most part). I had to forgive myself, one memory at a time, for the things that happened to me. Who cares why, who cares if I should've/could've done something better to prevent it - none of that matters if you can love yourself enough to forgive the things that happened.

I'm glad to hear that self-forgiveness worked for someone else.
 
Gritches said:
That...is true. The context was the doc asking me if I still have any suicidal urges, or if I think about suicide. I took a huge, reckless risk by being honest and telling her that I think about suicide every day. She merely said that was probably going to be the case for the rest of my life. So that's where that came from.

Let me ask you something though: did you regret your suicide attempt and have to "forgive" yourself for it as a result? A different doctor told me I'd have to "forgive" myself for attempting suicide, but that implies regret. Thing is: I don't regret it, at all. The only thing I regret is that my mechanic carried me naked and semi-conscious to the ambulance, and now things are awkward when I drop my car off for routine maintenance. It's like...do I send him a thank you card? I checked the Hallmark store and they seemed to be all out of "thank-you-for-carrying-me-bloody-and-naked-to-the-ambulance" cards. Go figure.

PM me if this feels like it's hijacking the thread. I sort of feel like it's kind of off-topic.
Click to expand...

I've never heard of the forgiveness thing, and I feel like I don't even fully understand the concept. But I was asked shortly after if I regretted trying, and I said no, and I still say no. Even that concept doesn't fully click with me. I think my attempt was the logical consequent of how I felt. And knowing firsthand that it's agonizingly painful to fail a suicide attempt is useful information! I've always wondered if a doctor said something about how I might not make it and later said I almost didn't make it, or if I dreamt that. I was in and out of a haze of morphine and pain and had that memory. Do doctors even talk like that or is that a TV thing?

But back to your initial question, I agree that it wasn't something "wrong" and there isn't anything to forgive. And without quoting it, your post about PTSD is my exact experience, as well.
 
I've been obsessed with death and wanted to die but never attempted suicide due to religious beliefs. I'm glad that those of you who have attempted in the past that you were rescued. I'm sorry things were so bad that you felt there was no other escape. I have been up all night walking a friend that attempted suicide with pills. My mom was suicidal and I know when I was a teenager it made me angry that she attempted with pills. I was angry because every day I went to school not knowing what I might find when I got home. One of my neighbors found their teenage son that hung himself in their back yard and another who barely escaped death from stabbing himself. And one friend that I thought had everything going for her - smart, pretty, financially secure, happy in a relationship, well educated and could have gone on and done anything she wanted. She cleaned her house then went outside in the driveway and shot herself.
We never know what other's might be going through. I have a deep hope for all those here who feels so unhappy that they want to end it that you will find a way to keep going and keep fighting. One day you'll know it was worth the fight.
 
This is a difficult thread for me to take part in. I'm in equal parts fascinated and saddened to hear that people I've grown to like have been driven to such drastic actions. I've been so very low in my life at times. I've done some daft things to try purging my angst, but never even contemplated taking my own life. My misery was caused by other people, so if there was a price to pay it was down to them, not me. I could never give them the satisfaction and release of having me gone.
I cannot tell you all how much my heart aches to hear of these tales. Please don't stop, it's valuable to share such things but I wish, so hard, I could have done something, anything to have taken some of the burden to save any of you from being pushed so far.
I didn't know you back then and we're from all over the world so it's a pointless wish, but I am so glad you're all still here to tell your stories.
 
Do you have religious beliefs, @Autistamatic ? I'm just wondering because you and Pats' comments were somewhat similar and she mentioned religion, so now I'm curious.

Both of your responses surprised me a bit, and so did my doctor when he asked me, "Why is it that you go to such drastic measures?" when discussing suicide, and I think the answer is that I never thought of it as drastic.

Maybe I thought about it so much, I normalized it? Maybe I've rejected the importance of the individual for so long that I lost a sense for the value of an individual's life? I've always hated birthdays because they seem to imply that everyone matters. But is that true?
 
Last edited:
No I have no religion in my life. Never have, never will. I have no beef with those that do though, just not my thing :)
 
Fino said:
Oh okay, I thought maybe the value for life was religious-based.

Wrong-o! :eek:
Click to expand...

If anything my value for life is in knowing it's the only one I have. If I top myself there will be no reincarnation, no Heaven, no Hell, no Valhalla, Elysium or Sto-vo-kor.
I have one chance to get this right and I'm not going to let anyone take that away from me :)
 
I selected "I have rarely been depressed", because depression just isn't a part of my life anymore, the way it used to be when I was young. I guess that's one of the good things about being middle aged. :)
 
I do tend to get depressed a lot and I think my complex ptsd contributes to it but I have struggle with feeling sad for many years,I have been on medication in the past but found it to make me feel worse and had other side affects that I rather not have and contribute more to me being depressed,in the past I have struggled with suicidal thoughts due to being abused by people close to me and being bullied but thankfully I haven’t felt like that in years though I still get nightmares or triggers that bring back memories.
 
Last edited:
I've not experienced suicidal thoughts, per se, but, while in the aftermath of some trauma I experienced, the pain I endured was excruciating, to the extent that I cared not, if I lived or died. I had never experienced depression, prior to that period of time, and, I dont know if I have, since. I do, however, have periodic bouts with anxiety, of which, can make me feel as though I am completely isolated and alienated by the world. I, also experience a profound sense of loss of humility, if I speak about myself, for some reason, which also resulted from the trauma I experienced.

I echo Autistamatic's sentiments that he expressed, above. :herb:
 
Last edited:
Like @Autistamatic said, it's difficult to take part in this thread and to see so much pain and hurt. Our community in large does seem to suffer a lot.
I know I mentioned here and there my experiences with depression. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with dysthymia which is a persistent mild depression.. that's my "normal". So it's double depression when it dips lower. Depression itself either physically hurts or it's a 'nothing'. Words stop making sense, they're just noise. Everything looks as if its in greyscale.
Medication doesn't really help much, it stops working very quickly. I've tried to seriously take my life in the past, though this year possibly due to the SSRI I was on stopping working I began to have a lack of judgement and started having suicidal tendencies again. I'd self-harmed extensively on and off since age of 13. I can't blame anyone else but myself for all of this, all these messed up thoughts. Sometimes, it's just easier to think I'd no longer be a burden to those around me if I wasn't here anymore. But, rationally, what stops me is that it's not true. The guilt of hurting people, all those resources and energy they wasted on me will be for nothing. I can't do that to them.
 
it was hard to get started,
but when i started doing sports on a regular basis,
i started feeling noticeably better,
sports also has the advantage that it becomes 'addictive' which sustains the positive effect
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom