Unsolicited comments (of any sort)

[OkRad]

OMgosh!!! YES! And I dealt with it in the NT world by ALWAYS FREAKING SMILING and I hated it. If I don't smile, it happens over and over. Just last week, a lady said to me at the gym, "Why do you always scurry about and never say anything?" And that was my safe place.

She got the picture though, because I never ever ever even say hi to her anymore. Total blockout because she scares me. I tremble when she is there. I have to go past her to get to the bathroom so I hold it really long and go over in my mind for like half hour what I wlll say if she talks to me. Sometimes I walk past with a book in my face.

Other people are nicer. They know something is up and are gentle and kind. It was a safe place and part of my routine. So it makes the place scary now. I am terrified of "The Scary Grown Ups" in general.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I'm sorry you get bothered so much umbrellabeach , wishing you the best maybe change your demeanor? so they don't see you as such a easy target.
I like the blue and pink with white lace stuff on ladies allot my self ...but find Goth Girls cute too!
Good luck with things! Mael

Well, last time I worked I put up a "stuck-up b!tch" facade and no one bothered me. But that was only one shift. I'll try that for a while longer and see how it goes. I work today and tomorrow so those will be good opportunities.

OMgosh!!! YES! And I dealt with it in the NT world by ALWAYS FREAKING SMILING and I hated it. If I don't smile, it happens over and over. Just last week, a lady said to me at the gym, "Why do you always scurry about and never say anything?" And that was my safe place.

Now this is new to me. NTs will accept people being quiet as long as they smile? (Still not gonna do it just for that though. The sexist men want me to smile because that's a woman's sole purpose according to them. I don't want to please them.)
Dude I would have responded to that woman, "None of your business. Why do you go around policing other people's behavior?"

 

[Judge]

Now this is new to me. NTs will accept people being quiet as long as they smile? (Still not gonna do it just for that though. The sexist men want me to smile because that's a woman's sole purpose according to them. I don't want to please them.)
Dude I would have responded to that woman, "None of your business. Why do you go around policing other people's behavior?"

Oh yeah. That seems a big deal to them in general, also crossing gender lines. At least it's been my experience over many years.

"What's wrong? Smile! Why aren't you smiling?"

I think I've posted this before. That I wish I had a dollar for every time some woman approached me to tell or ask me such things.

 

[Maelstrom]

Us aspies tend to live in our inner minds allot so we don't respond to people around us much....I guess they feel ignored by it.

 

[OkRad]

Ha! That wold have worked. There is a great book you probably already saw called "Why Smile" and it talks about exactly what you just said. How men demand that women smile. She also goes into a lot more details about the social science behind smiles.
Creeps me out because my original default was only to smile at those I love and trust and YET I fell into that trap of feeling I need to all the time. When I was young with autism i never smiled and was bullied by one therapist after another till I learned to smile. Then, suddenly, everything was good. Suddenly I was not paranoid or inverted or whatever else they called me because they were too stupid to know what autism was.
https://www.amazon.com/Why-Smile-Science-Behind-Expressions/dp/0393344223

 

[umbrellabeach]

Us aspies tend to live in our inner minds allot so we don't respond to people around us much....I guess they feel ignored by it.

Like this?

Love Anne of Green Gables and I can relate to her a lot

Ha! That wold have worked. There is a great book you probably already saw called "Why Smile" and it talks about exactly what you just said. How men demand that women smile. She also goes into a lot more details about the social science behind smiles.
Creeps me out because my original default was only to smile at those I love and trust and YET I fell into that trap of feeling I need to all the time. When I was young with autism i never smiled and was bullied by one therapist after another till I learned to smile. Then, suddenly, everything was good. Suddenly I was not paranoid or inverted or whatever else they called me because they were too stupid to know what autism was.
https://www.amazon.com/Why-Smile-Science-Behind-Expressions/dp/0393344223

I've actually never heard of that book, shockingly. But now I want to read it. I'll see if my library has it.
...Just tried and the site is down for maintenance. Sigh. I'll try again later.
You were bullied about smiling by THERAPISTS? They're supposed to care about what's going on inside your head, not what appears on the outside. SMH!

I mean, you could be totally depressed and suicidal, but as long as you smile, no one suspects or cares. Society places more importance on the position of your facial muscles in a moment than on your well-being and mental health for years.

 

[Maelstrom]

Like this?

Love Anne of Green Gables and I can relate to her a lot



I've actually never heard of that book, shockingly. But now I want to read it. I'll see if my library has it.
...Just tried and the site is down for maintenance. Sigh. I'll try again later.
You were bullied about smiling by THERAPISTS? They're supposed to care about what's going on inside your head, not what appears on the outside. SMH!

I mean, you could be totally depressed and suicidal, but as long as you smile, no one suspects or cares. Society places more importance on the position of your facial muscles in a moment than on your well-being and mental health for years.

Yes there is no telling how bad things go if wake a aspie up too quickly from never never land.

My sympathies I went through all kinds of horrors as a aspie PK trotted out like little ponies in costumes in front of huge churches...because we were missionaries kids. it was enough to give a aspie a heart attack.
My respect to you umbrellabeach ,for being brave enough to work in a store...as a aspie...a very people in your face job.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Yes there is no telling how bad things go if wake a aspie up too quickly from never never land.

My sympathies I went through all kinds of horrors as a aspie PK trotted out like little ponies in costumes in front of huge churches...because we were missionaries kids. it was enough to give a aspie a heart attack.
My respect to you umbrellabeach ,for being brave enough to work in a store...as a aspie...a very people in your face job.

Thanks, but it's really my only job option I'm aware of at the moment because all the others require drug testing, which is forcibly done with urine, and my parents are very disrespectful of my privacy and I can't take their questions and comments, so this is a piece of cake compared to that. Drug testing is the only reason I was unemployed for two years after moving. And considering it, I don't know how I'm going to get a job that lets me make enough to live alone, as I won't be able to leave my parents before getting one.

Church is another breeding ground for harassment. I don't go anymore because people always make stupid comments on how quiet I am. My parents disagree with my staying home, but since I'm an adult they can't do anything about it.

 

[Maelstrom]

Thanks, but it's really my only job option I'm aware of at the moment because all the others require drug testing, which is forcibly done with urine, and my parents are very disrespectful of my privacy and I can't take their questions and comments, so this is a piece of cake compared to that. Drug testing is the only reason I was unemployed for two years after moving. And considering it, I don't know how I'm going to get a job that lets me make enough to live alone, as I won't be able to leave my parents before getting one.

Church is another breeding ground for harassment. I don't go anymore because people always make stupid comments on how quiet I am. My parents disagree with my staying home, but since I'm an adult they can't do anything about it.

I had not run into the drug testing thing is that a California thing?
My parents are a little controling to but they have given up for the most part...they only get crazy if I get serious about moving away or ...get a girlfriend.
May move soon so things will get bad again. The brain washing attempts will start again.
They tend to try to run my girlfriends off sneaky like under the table.
I hope you find a nice job they are hard to come by up here.
I go 2 or 3 times a month to church if I'm not sick...mostly when my best friend is there.
I skip Sabbath school and just do the church service....people bother you less then. If they start trying to mess with me or fix me I skip for a bit to reset things...they usually behave for a bit then.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I had not run into the drug testing thing is that a California thing?
My parents are a little controling to but they have given up for the most part...they only get crazy if I get serious about moving away or ...get a girlfriend.
May move soon so things will get bad again. The brain washing attempts will start again.
They tend to try to run my girlfriends off sneaky like under the table.
I hope you find a nice job they are hard to come by up here.
I go 2 or 3 times a month to church if I'm not sick...mostly when my best friend is there.
I skip Sabbath school and just do the church service....people bother you less then. If they start trying to mess with me or fix me I skip for a bit to reset things...they usually behave for a bit then.

It's an everywhere thing, but especially here. I live in Maryland, where it seems you need a photo ID just to breathe. (And I lost mine over a year ago, so I guess I'm illegal lol.)
Most churches around here do greeting time during the service and that's where a lot of the forced (well, they don't hold a gun to your head and make you get out of your seat, but it's highly pressured) interaction comes from. But Sunday school is bad too. When I still went to church, even if no one bothered me I spent the whole time bored, writing to-do lists and wishing I were back home to do the things I'd written.

 

[Maelstrom]

It's an everywhere thing, but especially here. I live in Maryland, where it seems you need a photo ID just to breathe. (And I lost mine over a year ago, so I guess I'm illegal lol.)
Most churches around here do greeting time during the service and that's where a lot of the forced (well, they don't hold a gun to your head and make you get out of your seat, but it's highly pressured) interaction comes from. But Sunday school is bad too. When I still went to church, even if no one bothered me I spent the whole time bored, writing to-do lists and wishing I were back home to do the things I'd written.

I hate it umbrellabeach ,when the preacher starts badgering everyone to do the alter call and there aren't even any unbaptized people in the audience...and he sits there practically demanding you come up. I am thinking what are you doing??? alter calls are for unsaved people leave me alone.
The forcing you to shake hands with or worse yet huge some stranger next to you is even worse.
The worst of all tho was one guy here started assigning people by name to prayer circles in prayer meeting BY NAME without giving people a chance to leave the meeting, (normally they ask for people to stay after if they wish to do it). Anyways I got up
and started walking to the door and he starts shout at me (by name) (acrossed the whole church hall), "were are you going", I got upset and I pointed at the door and said "I'm going out that door", and I did.
I love my church and believe in it, but I worship on my terms, not theirs, I am equal before God with them, they should ask nice if they want me to do something, and respect my no if I choose not to.
In sermons some I like, some I count the mistakes in, sometimes if the sermon is poor I read favorite parts of my Bible, I also use the song service to practice voice He! he! I don't know if they like that but some of them sing like toads so it can't be any worse.

How I sorted the church thing is instead of leaving I decided they didn't own God or the church, so if they get too pushy I make them back down...or skip a week or 2 to make them repent...I have GloryStar church satalite TV so they can't excommunicate me for it Ha! ha!

I thought you lived in California umbrellabeach ,? did you move again? That would sort of be a poor deal California to Maryland?

My sympathies to you umbrellabeach ,being a aspie P.K. is really hard....but you seem to do well in life considering.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I hate it umbrellabeach ,when the preacher starts badgering everyone to do the alter call and there aren't even any unbaptized people in the audience...and he sits there practically demanding you come up. I am thinking what are you doing??? alter calls are for unsaved people leave me alone.
The forcing you to shake hands with or worse yet huge some stranger next to you is even worse.
The worst of all tho was one guy here started assigning people by name to prayer circles in prayer meeting BY NAME without giving people a chance to leave the meeting, (normally they ask for people to stay after if they wish to do it). Anyways I got up
and started walking to the door and he starts shout at me (by name) (acrossed the whole church hall), "were are you going", I got upset and I pointed at the door and said "I'm going out that door", and I did.
I love my church and believe in it, but I worship on my terms, not theirs, I am equal before God with them, they should ask nice if they want me to do something, and respect my no if I choose not to.
In sermons some I like, some I count the mistakes in, sometimes if the sermon is poor I read favorite parts of my Bible, I also use the song service to practice voice He! he! I don't know if they like that but some of them sing like toads so it can't be any worse.

How I sorted the church thing is instead of leaving I decided they didn't own God or the church, so if they get too pushy I make them back down...or skip a week or 2 to make them repent...I have GloryStar church satalite TV so they can't excommunicate me for it Ha! ha!

I thought you lived in California umbrellabeach ,? did you move again? That would sort of be a poor deal California to Maryland?

My sympathies to you umbrellabeach ,being a aspie P.K. is really hard....but you seem to do well in life considering.

That incident where you were yelled at just for leaving, and singled out, was just plain rude. Definitely not Christian behavior. Jesus was never that pushy.

No, I've never lived in California. I've lived in New York state, Minnesota, and now Maryland. Although I put my location on this site as Calisota, which exists in the world of Disney and Mickey & friends live in it.
Also we don't get a lot of snow here. We got a lot in NY and MN though. I was pretty much the only person who liked it. All everyone else could think of was their poor defenseless cars.

 

[Maelstrom]

That incident where you were yelled at just for leaving, and singled out, was just plain rude. Definitely not Christian behavior. Jesus was never that pushy.

No, I've never lived in California. I've lived in New York state, Minnesota, and now Maryland. Although I put my location on this site as Calisota, which exists in the world of Disney and Mickey & friends live in it.
Also we don't get a lot of snow here. We got a lot in NY and MN though. I was pretty much the only person who liked it. All everyone else could think of was their poor defenseless cars.

Oh! well umbrellabeach ,he is the overly aggressive salesman type, and he did apologize the next time he saw me, a week or 2 later. But yes I about had a cow at the time. I was not overly happy about being singled out socially like that in front of everyone.

I see umbrellabeach ,so your heart lives at Disney Land... But you live in the Ice Box of the north east. Well you must be a tough girl then if you like it there, I lived by the great lakes and have seen my share of cold ice and snow.
I like the west where I live

 

[umbrellabeach]

Oh! well umbrellabeach ,he is the overly aggressive salesman type, and he did apologize the next time he saw me, a week or 2 later. But yes I about had a cow at the time. I was not overly happy about being singled out socially like that in front of everyone.

I see umbrellabeach ,so your heart lives at Disney Land... But you live in the Ice Box of the north east. Well you must be a tough girl then if you like it there, I lived by the great lakes and have seen my share of cold ice and snow.
I like the west where I live

I've always wanted to live in the west where I've read the humidity is lower and there's less light pollution (wasted light washing out the stars). Maybe somewhat north so it won't be too hot and I'll still get snow in the winter. Idk exactly where I want to live but I feel trapped out here. Too many people, too much regulation, too much control by other people over my life. I need to escape and go somewhere where I can actually be free, because this place is not it.

 

[Maelstrom]

There is still allot of wild lands out here...and tons less people. It is much less humid where I live...it still gets hot sometimes but it is more a dry heat.

Yes the stars are much easier to see here even in town. I looked up the other night at a long snake like constellation and said what is that...you could see a smudge Nebula cloud around a star.
Things feel much less crowded out here in east Oregon. Lots of cows sage brush and mountains with forest.
I would like to live east of Mount Hood not too rainy not too dry, not to cold or hot, just about right.
Lots of cool places to go near by too!
You would like it there!

My best friend has some land in Hawaii tho

 

[umbrellabeach]

Well, when I finally move out I'll go west where there are fewer people. Once I saw an interview with Wilford Brimley where he said they don't have people in Wyoming, so maybe I'll move to Wyoming.

So yesterday I worked four hours and no one verbally harassed me, but a guy in line at customer service openly stared at me. Like, as I passed him he turned to keep staring. And he had this creepy, demented smile on his face. I regret giving him any attention because that's probably what he wanted. I wish I'd flipped him off, or hit him with the handbasket I was using. There were two managers right there at the desk, but they were busy with other customers.
People who stare and leer can all go to hell. Even if they're a kid. I hate kids staring at me.

So yeah, this is what it's become. The hair and makeup have deterred people from making comments for the most part, but I still get stared at by men, and I have no idea what to do about it. Sometimes I can make them look away by staring back, but in cases like I described above, nothing will make them look away. Not guys like THAT. And that's actually the second incident like that to happen. A few weeks ago a middle-aged, male customer in line at checkout was staring at me and wouldn't look away, so I walked away from the register and stayed away until he was gone.

The only solution I can think of is really only a half-solution, and that is to never look at customers, ever, unless I'm actually helping them. And see, that won't prevent them from staring. I only thought of it because that way if they want my attention they won't get it, and I won't know if they're staring at me if I'm not looking, so I'll be happier. But I wish there were some punishment I could inflict on starers.

Also, in addition to makeup, I'm about to buy a black choker and some black spike earrings on Amazon. I've also stopped wearing my Disney pins to work. I work them to express myself, but these people don't deserve to know the real me anyway.

 

[Maelstrom]

Well, when I finally move out I'll go west where there are fewer people. Once I saw an interview with Wilford Brimley where he said they don't have people in Wyoming, so maybe I'll move to Wyoming.

So yesterday I worked four hours and no one verbally harassed me, but a guy in line at customer service openly stared at me. Like, as I passed him he turned to keep staring. And he had this creepy, demented smile on his face. I regret giving him any attention because that's probably what he wanted. I wish I'd flipped him off, or hit him with the handbasket I was using. There were two managers right there at the desk, but they were busy with other customers.
People who stare and leer can all go to hell. Even if they're a kid. I hate kids staring at me.

So yeah, this is what it's become. The hair and makeup have deterred people from making comments for the most part, but I still get stared at by men, and I have no idea what to do about it. Sometimes I can make them look away by staring back, but in cases like I described above, nothing will make them look away. Not guys like THAT. And that's actually the second incident like that to happen. A few weeks ago a middle-aged, male customer in line at checkout was staring at me and wouldn't look away, so I walked away from the register and stayed away until he was gone.

The only solution I can think of is really only a half-solution, and that is to never look at customers, ever, unless I'm actually helping them. And see, that won't prevent them from staring. I only thought of it because that way if they want my attention they won't get it, and I won't know if they're staring at me if I'm not looking, so I'll be happier. But I wish there were some punishment I could inflict on starers.

Also, in addition to makeup, I'm about to buy a black choker and some black spike earrings on Amazon. I've also stopped wearing my Disney pins to work. I work them to express myself, but these people don't deserve to know the real me anyway.

Well maybe he was a aspie and thought you were cute?
I get in trouble on that ...as a aspie I sometime look at people too long accidently.
It is really bad if I look at someone and they trigger a inner memory....I sometimes can't even see or hear the people I'm looking at when I fall into my inner mind.
Nothing worse than to be jolted out of your never-never land by snickers to find you are looking at some ladies boobs or something....extremely embarresing

Aspie Rule 1 always look away from people while thinking.
-------------
Oh! my! a black choker you really will look cute now!

 

[umbrellabeach]

Well maybe he was a aspie and thought you were cute?
I get in trouble on that ...as a aspie I sometime look at people too long accidently.
It is really bad if I look at someone and they trigger a inner memory....I sometimes can't even see or hear the people I'm looking at when I fall into my inner mind.
Nothing worse than to be jolted out of your never-never land by snickers to find you are looking at some ladies boobs or something....extremely embarresing

Aspie Rule 1 always look away from people while thinking.
-------------
Oh! my! a black choker you really will look cute now!

Nope, that guy was doing it on purpose. He turned his head to keep staring. Even if he was an Aspie it was inappropriate behavior and there's no excuse for it. Even if he thought I was cute (which was probably the case), he lost his chances with me (not that he had any to begin with) by treating me like that.

Black chokers are considered cute??? Maybe I shouldn't get one then. I'm trying to look more goth or punk. The choker in my cart is plain with nothing on it. Maybe I should get one with spikes, like the earrings?

 

[Maelstrom]

Nope, that guy was doing it on purpose. He turned his head to keep staring. Even if he was an Aspie it was inappropriate behavior and there's no excuse for it. Even if he thought I was cute (which was probably the case), he lost his chances with me (not that he had any to begin with) by treating me like that.

Black chokers are considered cute??? Maybe I shouldn't get one then. I'm trying to look more goth or punk. The choker in my cart is plain with nothing on it. Maybe I should get one with spikes, like the earrings?

Post a pic. if you get one...I like them....am not sure how it would sort on the intimidating Goth look.
I am immune I like Goth girls.

 

[Adder1234]

I don't get a lot of attention from others, mostly because I've developed a habit of walking around with a permanently angry expression, plus I'm almost 7 feet tall and I'm built like a gorrila. However, theres nothing I hate more than when someone goes out of there way to make a rude or disgusting comment to me. Like if someone tells me that I should go back to my moms basement.
However, I'm fine with most comments, like if someone says that I look cute, or have a good taste in books(that happened in a shopping centre a year back).