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Featured Understanding Internship communication issues

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Frostee, Jun 17, 2019.

  1. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

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    Why does that mean you can't be involved? if they spoke for all of you then you should all have a chance to be involved.

    To be honest I don't really see anything wrong with the behaviour you are describing. They are doing their best to get a lot out of this opportunity, to ensure that they show that they are good hard working employees, to get a lot of experience, to set themselves up to get a good reference or maybe even a job offer... which is the whole point of an internship. If they are "literally doing everything", then they deserve the most recognition, because they're doing the most work. If you want that recognition, then assert yourself and do more of the work. If you can't handle the competition, maybe you should think of changing careers?
     
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  2. Pinkie B

    Pinkie B Just Me

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    Oh. My. Blah.

    What is it with people referring to women as "females"??? Like we're a different species or something to only be touched with biohazard lab gloves.

    Is it so hard to say "woman with dyspraxia"? Does it take longer to type? Cuz "girl with ..." has fewer letters if that's your issue. And while it may be diminutive relaive to the adult noun, at least it's a word we use for humans!
     
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  3. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Is it commonly found to be offensive? Because I often use "male" and "female" but didn't realize they had the potential to offend.
     
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  4. Pinkie B

    Pinkie B Just Me

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    When I was younger I was willing to accept it as "scientific speech"

    But now that I'm older and have experienced the full unfiltered horror of American Southern misogyny I have become acutely aware of how the world is full of "men and females"

    When I was in graduate school I had a classmate do a presentation on gender differences in some economic subject that doesn't matter and it was all "men" this and "females" that. I politely asked him to pick one or the other, that he was discussing people or he was discussing scientific subjects. He acted confused, then offended, then resorted to doing exactly what I asked him not to do, except first taking a long pause and making eye contact with me before saying FEMALES.

    The professor, a big shot named Andrew Postlewaite, just sat there and let it happen. He's a disgusting human who supposedly studies things like how this type of discrimination contributes to poor economic outcomes for women, but apparently he only cares about us *females* when it increases his publication count.

    The room was about 1/3 women which is typical in economics classes and no one said a dam* thing on my behalf.

    So, in answer to your question, Fino, at this point, yeah, I'd say the terminology is pretty offensive if not employed carefully. I'm just so. Very. Tired. Of being treated like I'm less human because I don't have a penis. The OP didn't mention any males in the post, so I can't say it was discriminatory, but at this point I've met so many men who just can't recognize the humanity in women and who use "female" as a diminutive objectifying reference that I just have no patience for it anymore.

    There was no pretense of science in the OP, so it is inexcusable.
     
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  5. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Okay! Thank you for explaining!!
     
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  6. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    If it's a group project then it is their work too!

    What alternative do you propose? I assume you wouldn't suggest the group just turn it in with errors out of politeness.

    Maybe you'd prefer the person talk to you nicely about it?
     
  7. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    Hi, everyone, i'm having some further concerns. I am going to list my concerns on here instead of creating another thread.

    Ok, so this Internship is causing me great stress and anxiety, it is my first line of work. I do not know what I am doing.

    Before reading my 'issues' please be aware that I have great Social Anxiety around young people.

    So, my issues:

    - We have been allocated a list of tasks to do. There are about 25 research tasks. I was not told how many tasks we had to choose, so I selected one. The next day I had noticed that some members choose 4/5, I have now chosen 2. I don't want to give myself too much work (I don't think I can cope with 4/5 research projects at once). Will this look terrible to my employer? That I am doing significantly less work in contrast to the other employees?
    - I missed yesterday's meeting because I did not know that we had a meeting. I emailed the manager, he seemed fine with it. He offered to set up a calendar but seemed hesitant. I am concerned that this happened due to communication issues with the other Interns who aren't really reaching out to me..
    - The two girls have set up further tasks and have met with high ranking faculty within the University. I have let them get on with it, however, I am now concerned that they are exceeding and going beyond expectations. Creating the necessity for me to increase my workload and involvement. Is there anything I should do about this? I do not want this to impact me in a negative way.
    - The manager requested that we all communicate together and have meetings. The two people who are working with me on my task are not liaising with me or arranging meetings. I would prefer to communicate with the manager given my social anxiety.
    - I don't know how to 'force myself ' in when the other colleagues are ignoring me or not reaching out. I know that we are expected to communicate.


    I am going to give this one more week. I am considering pulling out because I cannot handle the social niceties involved.

    I don't know what the proper conduct is. I can't keep up with the work load of the two females, and I am worried that my other colleagues are not communicating with me or arranging meetings (I am the only person who has done any work on one of the tasks. They have not contacted me to discuss the task).
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2019
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  8. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Considering your difficulties, it seems like it borders on self-harm for you to have gotten yourself involved in something like this. :eek:

    I say you just do your best and try not to worry about the consequences!

    Sorry I can't be more helpful!
     
  9. BlueSky Aozora

    BlueSky Aozora Well-Known Member

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    That's pretty horrible. How can they speak or decide anything on behalf of the rest of the group, without discussing with the rest of the group before?

    Can't you just casually tell them to discuss it with all the group members' first? They might not notice this unless being told.

    Or they thought they're doing you a favour since some people dread meetings? But they should at least email among the group members first.
     
  10. BlueSky Aozora

    BlueSky Aozora Well-Known Member

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    So, it's like Research Assistant job at University?

    No worries, just tell your employer or immediate supervisor that autistic people put their 100% effort and focus on one project, thus can be more efficient than people working on too-many multiple projects. You can inform him/her that you'll try another project after finishing this project.

    If you feel better doing that through email instead of speaking directly, I think it's no problem too. The important thing is to report to your supervisor regularly, at least once a week I think, depending on your work environment. 2-3 times is good too. I think it's good to ask your supervisor about his/her preference.

    Are your supervisor a lecturer/researcher at the university?

    Is the meeting must be participated by all interns in your group? Or is that meeting is only for people in a project that is not your chosen project?

    You can create, ask them to include you in a group mail-list or group chats.

    Are they in the same project that you're tasked with/chose?

    Again, are they doing the same project as you?
    If no, maybe your supervisor just want all of you to share your knowledge/experience. Usually in university, they make presentations once a week (depends).

    Maybe the girls are just being considerate to you because of the social anxiety. But, they should email or discuss with you, before deciding anything about things that related to you. Tell them that.
    Again, you can try to ask them to include you in the mailing list/group chat, or you can try to create one.

    If you're working on different project than the others, or different task, I think it's no problem if you want to directly discuss with your supervisor. Just tell him that you prefer to communicate with him given your social anxiety. Try to discuss with your supervisor.

    Don't worry, you can do this! :)
    I think you don't need to keep up with their workload. You all are doing different things, right? No?

    Sorry for asking lots of questions. Just wanted to clarify.
    Anyway, how's things going recently?
     
  11. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    No, it's absolutely fine. Thank you for your kind message.

    - It is a Research project. I think i'm just going to ignore this, or ask him if he is fine with my workload.


    - Communication with my Manager is an issue from my end, in the sense that I don't know how often I should communicate with him. Why would I need to communicate with him 2-3 times a week? What am I going to do in two days that is important to discuss?

    - He is a Lecturer, yes.

    - He would prefer us to attend staff meetings. But it has been agreed that I will go home next week and communicate with him on a daily basis.

    - Yes.

    - They do email and discuss their work with me. But I prefer not to talk to them, as they cause great anxiety/stress, with the intensity of their work and communication. The Dyslexia person asks me questions, but ignores my response, or turns the discussions back to what she was saying. This is very difficult to deal with.

    - Thank you. The 7 hours a day stresses me out and is something I find difficult to keep up with. I have been doing around 6 hours a day lately, spread over the day. I would prefer to get it all done at once so I would have the rest of the day left to relax.

    Unfortunately, I often end up working into the early hours of the morning as I take so long to get up and going.
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2019
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  12. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    Just again, regarding communication.

    The Dyslexic gal is taking charge of everything as usual. But something she does is causing me great anxiety, and worry that I am being manipulated.

    So, I have two chats with her in it (that she set up). The main chat with everyone in it, which I do not get involved in, and the second one with her, me and another girl. (we are doing a project together).

    In the second chat, this girl asks me questions... then ignores my answers. If I ask a question, the other gal will jump in and start talking to her, ignoring my question...

    For ex, about 5 mins ago. I see that they were earlier discussing a meeting tomorrow.. I ask 'what about this meeting, do you want me in attendance?'... she ignores my question and the other gal starts to talking to her (after laying dormant for a few hours).. and so they have this whole conversation which I am not part of, making no effort to include me or answer my question. (It's almost as if i'm non-existent to them.)

    So, i'm sitting here wondering what is going on?

    Is she trying to manipulate me? I just feel a bit odd, that this woman is initiating conversations with me/ignoring my responses.

    I am thinking of leaving this chat as it is not useful for me and leaves me feeling confused. But I know it will cause a calamity.
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2019
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  13. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    It sounds like a possibility that they simply don't like you.
     
  14. BlueSky Aozora

    BlueSky Aozora Well-Known Member

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    Similar with me :eek:
    Are your working hour flexible?
    I think many researchers have 'weird' schedule, so if yours are flexible, then it should be fine.
    Although I too, similar as you, hope I can get it done at once.

    Ooh. Yeah, I think maybe once a week is enough (better to ask). Something like progress report. Sometimes, even though we're not progressing/stuck, it's ok. Just report about parts that we're stuck. He'll help you I think.


    That's tricky :confused:





    Maybe it just takes time to adjust to this new schedule & work & environment.
    From what I know, Aspergers are always good in research that they love.
    You can do this!! ;)
     
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  15. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    This sort of thing happens to me all the time in chat, or in verbal conversations. It's one of the reasons that I don't participate in chats and often don't bother joining in conversations. Frustrating. In order to be heard, to be included, you need to be assertive, and this is hard work, exhausting. In you case, this means, writing "Did you see my question?" and then repeating the question, hoping that they will finally pay attention. It's rude to ignore people like that, so don't feel bad about reminding them or repeating your question to get attention.
     
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  16. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    I need desperate help to deal with this Internship and the communication barriers that I face.


    These work colleagues are not inclusive towards me and I do not think my needs are being met or understood (or me as a person).

    Part of me wonders if they exclude me as a colleague, because I am not English? (Northern Irish)

    They have meetings and discussions with one another that I am not privy to. Rarely do they ask me my opinion prior to or during meetings. In addition to this, they have all met up with staff members at the University as part of research into the project. I have met up with no one. One of the dominant females in particular has met with four different staff.

    Therefore staff will not know about my participation.

    As I am not heading back to Northern Ireland I will not be able to meet anyone.. yet colleagues are sending colleague who lives in London notes but not me..why not? Why exclude me? (This colleague is only 90 minute train ride away, I don’t know why she can’t come for the meetings??)

    In meetings I rarely get a word in edgewise.

    They also ignore me in group chat, unless I repeat what I have said a few times.

    I now feel that they are part of a big clique and I’m excluded.

    ____________________________
    Today the manager kept asking me when I am leaving (I had to leave early. I don’t know why he did this).

    So I left the meeting after 40 minutes because I felt that I was being ignored and not taken seriously.

    I am not a confrontational person, and I feel that this would be the only way to handle these colleagues.

    I may come across this again so I don’t want to be facing the same issues.

    How can I get around this? I do not want to be treated as a pushover.
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2019
  17. GadAbout

    GadAbout Active Member

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    THese women are go-getters and you are not. Moreover you are "allowing" them to ignore or exclude you.

    To avoid this in future, you can't work in groups with people with a similar personality.

    To deal with the current situation, I don't know what to advise you, as a lot of damage (to your participation) has already been done. Maybe make the best of the situation, and avoid group projects in the future. This will necessarily limit your career options a bit. But I don't see you as someone who is likely to become a go-getter. Sorry I don't have better advice.
     
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  18. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    Do you not think they’re more trying to exert influence over the group to control everyone?

    Yesterday when volunteering for a Presentation one said “we will do this because no one else will want to do it”.. I.e we are going to do this and we are not giving you the opportunity to volunteer yourself.

    I understand I have damaged my integrity. I am trying to rescue the situation or at least resolve it to a standard where I won’t feel like such a pushover.

    I think part of the problem is that these women don’t have any manners or etiquette. They also lack Self Awareness. They should know not to volunteer for every task (i.e attending 4/5 meetings) and they should know not to discourage others from doing the tasks.

    Surely any responsible adult should know that the work place is about sharing?

    You say that I am “allowing” them to exclude me.. in order for me to avoid this I would need to be forceful and confrontational, this is not my personality.

    In future what do you suggest I do in situations like this? Not being able to navigate the situation or help myself is what annoyed me as I know I will come across this again.

    Do you think I should become more forceful with them? I was also thinking of emailing the manager about their conduct and how they are making me feel as staff.
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2019
  19. GadAbout

    GadAbout Active Member

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    Nope, and I think you are demonstrating a degree of paranoia to think so. I think they are just trying to make the most of their internship, as you ought to be doing, too.

    Re your last paragraph - nooooooooooooo - complaining how they are making you feel as staff is just going to come across as whining. This is not the playground, this is adult life. Don't go off and tattle to the teacher!
     
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  20. Frostee

    Frostee Well-Known Member

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    By being brash and talking over everyone else? No, that’s rude.

    Are you an American? We don’t do this in the UK.

    My concerns are not being listened to. I do not feel an integral part of the Internship group or listened to.